Do I believe that?
Right now I’m struggling to consider anything about the situation as a whole, because I can’t get my mind past the image of him in bed with her.
Kaitlyn ‘Bitch’, as I refer to her, has pictures of Jake in bed from that night. They weren’t clear pictures, kind of dark, taken with a camera phone I’m guessing. And he looked sort of asleep in them. Well his eyes were closed. But that doesn’t mean anything. My eyes are closed in tons of pictures because I always blink when the flash goes off.
But the point is, she was lying next to him in bed. Her face beside his – in bed.
Her in bed with Jake. That’s all I need to know, to tell me everything I already knew.
Also there is one of her sat on Jake’s lap in what is apparently the hotel bar. You know the one he was sat pining over me in, waiting for me in after our fight, yeah that bar.
So details of my life, the life I shared with Jake, and his betrayal have been splashed all over the news for the world to see.
My pain is up for public consumption. And it’s the worst kind of torture.
I’m not a public person. Of course I knew what being with Jake entailed, I just never foresaw this. And now I know, with absolute certainty I’m not cut out for the type of life he leads. His life belongs to the whole world. I don’t want that for myself.
Maybe Kaitlyn Bitch did me a favour. Because at least I now know what life with Jake really consists of. It’s best I get out now, early on, before I got in too deep.
Well that’s what I’m telling myself anyway. My heart is telling me I was already in way too deep to begin with.
So for five days I’ve been hiding at my folks, letting my dad deal with the press at the door and on the phone, and the paps hanging around outside waiting to get a picture of me.
I hate to bring it to their doorstep, but I just couldn’t go back to my flat – that would have meant dealing with it alone. I know I have Simone there, but it wouldn’t have been fair to pull her into this, especially not when she’s with Denny. That already ties her up in it enough as it is.
So I’m letting my dad kick paparazzi butt, while I hide in the house, working on my column to keep busy.
My mum and dad have been great these last five days. I couldn’t have coped without them, well not that I’m actually coping in any way … more coasting.
My mum has even managed to refrain from an ‘I told you so’ about Jake, and my dad … well, he hasn’t said it outright to me, but I think he believes Jake is telling the truth about Kaitlyn Bitch. And my dad thinking that Jake is telling the truth makes me wobble a little if I’m being totally honest.
But what’s making me falter just that little bit more is the whole ‘they’ve been having an affair’ story. Because honestly, a story is what I believe that to be.
She’s lied for sure about some of the times she said she was with Jake. They just aren’t possible, because he was with me.
One of them was when everyone still thought Jake was in LA, but he wasn’t, he was in London with me. It was straight after his dad died and he got the jet over here to be with me. Because he needed me.
Kaitlyn Bitch is claiming to the press they spent the night together in a hotel in LA, that he flew her in. She even has her friend backing her up, saying she was with Kaitlyn Bitch when he called.
I could go public and out it as a lie, but I don’t want to be pulled into the press any more than I am being, and really, what’s the point. Ultimately it doesn’t erase the fact that I caught him in bed with her. So whether they were having a full blown affair, or it was just a one nighter that she’s embellishing for the press, it’s irrelevant.
He betrayed me.
Apparently, Jake is suing the paper that ran the story, the one which bought the rights to it.
Simone told me. Denny told her.
Really I don’t care what Jake does.
I’m done with it all. I’m done with him.
I just want to get his little game called New York over and done with, so I can move on with my life.
“I can do this, Vicky,” I infer, not really sure if I’m trying to convince her or myself in this moment. “I’ll be fine. I’m done with Jake. I’ll go to New York, cover the show, then come straight home, and I’ll finally be free of it all.”
Free of him. Well, once the bio’s done that is.
“Do you want me to come to with you? Moral support, and also I can kick his ass for you if you want.”
I smile at the sentiment. “Thanks for the offer, but if anyone were to be kicking Jake’s ass it’d be me. You’ve got enough on at the magazine at the moment. I’ll be fine. Just in and out for the show. I’ll arrange my flights so I’m there for a day max. Do my job, and then straight back home.”
I hear her exhale down the line. “I don’t think it’s going to be that easy, sweetheart. This is Jake we’re talking about.”
“I know. But I’ve had time away from him, and I’m feeling stronger now. I’m not going back to him, no matter what games he plays. I’ll do my job, and then he’s out of my life for good.”
“As long as you know what you’re doing.”
“I do.”
“Tru … look, this is just me playing devil’s advocate here, as your friend … but have you considered the possibility that maybe Jake is telling the truth. I know you found him in bed with that trampy girl, but he’s been so adamant about it, and her selling her story to the press about the whole torrid affair thing, and him suing them all, big guns, it just makes you think a little, you know.”
“I’ve considered it,” I concede.
Minutes ago in fact. And every other single minute of the day before that.
“But I just…” I sigh rubbing my face. “I just don’t know anything anymore Vicky, except for the fact that I found him in bed with her.”
I can’t shut my eyes without fear of seeing it on playback.
“But sometimes the picture doesn’t show the true facts – you know.” I can mentally feel her nudging me. “Maybe you should talk to him. Listen to what he has to say. He’s obviously desperate to see you, my darling, and he’s struggling, that’s plain for everyone to see.”