When the urge got too great—consuming every spare breath and thought that came into my mind—I tried to satisfy it in other ways. Ways that I hate to think about, ways that fill me with embarrassment and dread. Nothing worked. And when I started making serious plans, started picking out victims and sharpening knives, that was when I knew I had to do something. That was when I decided to lock myself up.
I finished up the fall semester at the community college, packed up my dorm, quit my I-spray-crap-perfume-on-you-at-Abercrombie job, and moved into the shithole that I now call home. Settled in, turned on utilities, and locked the door.
I haven’t seen a live person since.
CHAPTER 13: threeinchpenis
HUMILIATION: Humiliation play is connected to sexual fetishism, and can be associated with exhibitionism in the sense of wanting others to witness one’s sexual degradation. Activities such as name-calling are a way of achieving ego reduction or getting over sexual inhibitions.3
I was caught off guard the first time a small dick entered the room. Outside of my private chat room, there is a waiting room of sorts called Free Chat. When I am not in a Private Chat, I log into that room. It is designed as a place for camgirls to meet the members and convince them to take them into a private chat. The waiting room is free, and there I’m supposed to chat with all the members at one time until one of them decides to hit the “Take to Private” button, which is when everyone else is kicked out and the credit card charges begin. I am lucky in that I don’t typically sit in the waiting room for more than a minute or so. I am, in terms of camgirls, a hot commodity. But one Monday, things were slow, and I was lounging on my side, smiling into the cam and chatting up seventy-two different members when threeinchpenis popped up on my screen.
threeinchpenis: hey Jessica
richone45: can u show us more skin?
OSUfreshie: hey bb how much 4 private?
I laughed, leaning forward so that my cle**age was enhanced. “Hey Three—no Rich, you know the rules in free chat and it’s $6.99 a minute, Fresh.”
OSUfreshie: damn. i can’t afford that
richone45: i can
allaboutpussy: do you like cunnilus Jessica?
OSUfreshie: yeah right rich - then why r u in free with the rest of us?
Jacob1982: cunni…what? *grabs the dictionary*
fantasyplayer: can you show me your feet?
threeinchpenis: Jessica, is it okay if my penis is only three inches long?
richone45: b/c i like free chat freshie. anyway, i’m about to take her private.
“Of course it’s okay that your c**k is three inches long. Do you want to go to private, and you can show it to me?”
Jacob1982: I can’t find cunnilus in the dictionary. What does it mean?
OSUfreshie: then take her rich. We r all waiting
NFLJunkie: ur hot
—-frankiedoug enters room
Assman22: LOL u r all so stupid. it’s spelled cunnilingus u idiots
allaboutpussy: u should feel dorky for knowing how to spell it
BlueDog1: who says cunnilus anyway? sounds like something my grandmother would say
—-Packersfan13 enters room
Jacob1982: i found it. i don’t want to “orally stimulate the female genitals anyway.” That sounds scary.
“Thanks NFL. You guys, please be nice. All, I love cunnilingus, and I don’t give a damn how anyone spells it. Rich, were you going to take me private?”
—-richone45 left room
OSUfreshie: i knew he was full of shit.
- FREE CHAT ENDED - threeinchpenis HAS STARTED A PRIVATE CHAT
I incorrectly assumed that a guy with a small c**k would want reassurance that size didn’t matter, that I found him attractive regardless. Threeinchpenis didn’t let me get very far down that path before he set me straight. His request seemed so odd; I blinked a moment at the computer screen.
threeinchpenis: STOP. don’t compliment. make fun of it. laugh.
I understood cuckold stuff. That comprised about ten percent of my chats. Cuckold has an edge of humiliation attached, and I am comfortable with that edge. But pure humiliation and ridicule was not a fetish I was experienced in, or necessarily comfortable with. Those clients have their own whole section of the camsites, with their own dedicated models—girls who specialize in leather, insults, and degradation. I’ve never had to ‘go there’ in a session, and I wasn’t particularly comfortable with a leap in that direction.
I started hesitantly, a fumbling, disastrous attempt to point awkwardly and laugh. I sounded forced, ridiculous, and kept waiting for the ENDED CHAT message to fill my screen. But it didn’t, and he stayed with me, patient—his grainy image filling the screen, his small c**k wedged between tan, muscular thighs. He appeared to be, from my limited view of his stomach and crotch, someone who took meticulous care of himself—tan, muscular, shaven. His c**k was hard, the area hairless and smooth, the short stub thin and uncircumcised. It was tiny, and I tried to laugh and point - but it went against every empathetic bone in my body.
With threeinchpenis’s gentle coaching, I finally got it, falling into a rhythm that sounded natural and sincerely cruel. I told him it was pathetic, that he would never please a woman with that. The words caused his short stub to bob and swell; his fingers grasped the short stalk and jerked it. The climax came five minutes later, when I told him I wanted to invite my friends over, show them his webcam. They would all roll on the floor laughing at how puny and ridiculous his tiny c**k was. I almost missed it, his hand covering it, but caught a glimpse of white spray, and he moved his fingers and I saw it. The normal-sized head, dwarfing the short shaft, twitching and gushing, a shocking amount of white cum shooting out in quick, rapid shots.