Chapter Thirteen
Preston
I stood in the doorway of my bedroom and looked at the two girls asleep on my bed. Amanda had fallen asleep reading to Daisy, and the book lay across her stomach. By the time we’d gotten Daisy back here and I’d tracked down my mom, Daisy was determined she was keeping Amanda. She’d begged Amanda to stay, and when Amanda had gazed over at me for help, I’d agreed that Amanda staying was a great idea. So Amanda had gone to pick up a few things, including several of her favorite childhood books, while Daisy took an afternoon nap.
It had given me time to call my mom and get the boys back to her while I kept Daisy. She hadn’t even argued or come inside to check on her when she’d shown up to get the boys. I hated sending the boys back with her, but I couldn’t keep them. I’d have to get a court order, and my mother was just vengeful enough to refuse me. Even if she allowed me to the boys were better off separated from Daisy while she was sick. Besides, I couldn’t do this on my own. Momma may be the suckiest mother ever, but she was home a lot more than I was. Then when baseball season started up, I’d be too busy to sleep, much less take care of kids. It was a no-win situation. I had to keep reminding myself that I’d lived through my life with my mom, and I hadn’t had a big brother watching out for me.
Amanda’s hands slipped and the book started to fall to the floor, causing her to wake up. She blinked several times, then turned her head to check on Daisy, who was curled up sleeping peacefully beside her. Amanda reached over and brushed the hair out of Daisy’s face and checked her temperature with the back of her hand before slowly getting up. Her eyes found mine when she turned to walk to the door. She ran her hand through her hair in an attempt to tame whatever she’d messed up, then smiled at me.
“Guess I was tired too,” she whispered as I stepped back and let her out of the room.
I closed the door behind her. “Yeah, Daisy kept you pretty busy.”
Amanda chuckled softly. “She’s a sweetie. I enjoyed spending time with her.”
She had no idea how much it had meant to Daisy. Amanda was the first adult female to give her any attention. “Thank you. I don’t think I’d have made it today without your help. She’s never been that sick before. It was scary as shit.”
Amanda smiled up at me. “After what I witnessed with you today, I am convinced you’d have been just fine. Never would I have imagined that you’d be such a stellar big brother.”
The teasing lilt to her voice was sexy. Everything about her was sexy. And she had a small bag packed with her things so she could sleep over. I wasn’t going to be able to control myself. I needed something from her. The emotions swirling inside me were taking over. Everything from attraction to gratefulness to relief. We’d conquered something together today. I wanted to celebrate. With her.
“I’m going to go get a shower and go to bed, if that’s okay. Where do you want me to sleep?”
Where I wanted her to sleep and where she was going to sleep were two different things.
“I’m gonna make myself a bed on the floor in the bedroom. You can take the couch. Unless, of course, you’re up for sharing the couch. Then I’d be all in. I’m a really good bed buddy.”
Amanda’s eyes went wide before she let out a giggle. “As talented as I’m sure you are as a bed buddy, I think I’ll pass. I can always take the floor in the bedroom if you want me to.”
The one night of my life I get Amanda to stay the night in my apartment, she would not be sleeping on the floor. I wanted her on my couch. Actually, I wanted her in my bed, but Daisy was kind of occupying that at the moment. I was going to make sure Amanda used one of my pillows, though. That way, I’d have her scent for a while after she was gone.
“No, I insist. You’re sleeping on the couch.”
Amanda studied me a minute. I could see the concern and uncertainty in her eyes. She wanted to ask me something, and she couldn’t decide if she was going to or not. I’d stand here and let her think about it as long as she wanted to.
“Did the boys get home okay?” she finally asked.
Not exactly what I wanted to talk about. I knew where this was headed. “Yeah, my mom came and got them.”
“Are they, um, I mean, uh, do you think they’re gonna be okay . . . there . . . I mean . . . ,” she stammered nervously.
I walked over to the couch and sat down, then looked back at her. “They have a phone. If they need me, they’ll call.”
Amanda frowned and took a step in my direction. “Did your mom come up and check on Daisy?”
This was not a life that Amanda was going to be able to comprehend. Her dad may have screwed around and left them recently, but her life had been pretty damn privileged. “No, Manda. She didn’t. She doesn’t care. There is no one on this earth I hate more than my mother. Is that what you were curious about?”
My words had come out harder than I’d intended them to. Amanda walked over to the couch and sat down beside me. “Preston, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. I was just curious because Daisy never once asked about her mom or spoke of her today. That was odd to me. Growing up, when I was sick I always wanted my mom. I couldn’t understand why she never asked for hers.”
I laid my head back against the wall and tilted it so I could look at Amanda. She was worried and clearly upset. I was enlightening her about a world she didn’t know existed, and that world wasn’t even the worst part about me.
“You are the first woman to ever spend any time with Daisy. My mother is either drunk, asleep, or gone. Daisy is raised by Jimmy when they’re home. I make sure the bills stay paid and the kids have food. Then, like you saw today, if someone gets sick, I handle it.”
“Oh God, that makes my chest hurt,” Amanda whispered, rubbing the ball of her hand over her heart. “I want to go cuddle up to Daisy and hold her. No wonder Jimmy acts twenty instead of eleven.”
I reached over and pulled her hand away from her chest. “They’ll be okay. I am, and I didn’t have any older siblings to help me out. I made it without anyone. Don’t get upset over it. They aren’t the only kids growing up in this exact same situation.”
Amanda’s eyes held unshed tears as she tried real hard to keep her bottom lip from quivering. Ah, hell. I’d made her cry. I hadn’t told her all that to make her cry. I’d just answered her questions. I’d let her into my screwed-up life a little. More than I’d ever let anyone in.
“You’re the only person I’ve ever told about the kids and my mom. I’ve never even told your brother.”
Amanda pressed her lips together tightly and nodded. She didn’t respond. She was still trying very hard not to cry. Her soft heart couldn’t handle this. If she even knew a little bit of what my mom had done to those kids and me, she’d never be able to deal with it.
“Come here,” I said gently as I reached for her arms and pulled her against my chest.
Amanda
Going willingly into Preston’s arms probably wasn’t real smart, but at that moment, I just didn’t care. I needed to hold him. I couldn’t go hold Jimmy and Brent, but I could hold him. And tomorrow I would give Daisy every second of my attention when I wasn’t in classes. I might even skip them just so I could stay here. She’d be going back to her mom soon. The idea of her being neglected was painful.
“I’m sorry I told you all this,” Preston whispered against my hair as he held me tightly to him. I wasn’t sorry. He’d let me in. It was something I’d wanted. However, when I’d wanted in, I’d had no idea I was going to find this out. Images of Preston over the years kept flashing through my mind. When I’d met him, he’d been a skinny kid with hair so long he kept it in a ponytail. Even in his faded jeans and worn-out T-shirt I couldn’t help but think he was beautiful. But I’d wondered why his mother let him look like that.
“Thank you for telling me. For letting me help today. I know I’m reacting to this like the spoiled brat that I am, but I’m trying to process it. I want to go take them all away from your mom and keep them close. Take care of them. Make sure they have proper haircuts and clean clothes.”
Preston’s chest rumbled with laughter, and I looked up at him.
“Proper haircuts and clean clothes?” he asked, grinning down at me.
“I keep remembering the first time I saw you. Your hair was ridiculously long, and your clothes were so worn out. It didn’t take away from the fact that you were the most gorgeous boy I’d ever seen, but still. . . .” Oh, crap. Had I really just said that?
Preston titled his head to the side and studied me a moment. “You thought I was gorgeous?”
Sighing, I started to pull back from his arms, but he held me firmly in place. “Answer me,” he whispered, lowering his head so that his mouth was very close to my ear.
“Yes. You know you’re gorgeous.”
Preston slid a hand down my back until he had a firm grip on my waist, and then he pulled me up higher against his chest. “Maybe I don’t know that,” he replied, reaching with his other hand to cup my face and brush his thumb over my cheekbone. “Maybe I’m trying to figure out why you want anything to do with me.”
Was he serious?
“I’ve had a crush on you since I was sixteen. Surely you know this. I wasn’t very secretive about it. I’ve never missed one of your baseball games, not even the away ones. I found any reason I could think of to throw myself in your path. Then when I did get your attention, you were drunk, but I didn’t care. I was willing to take what I could get. Maybe I didn’t know you were as drunk as you were, but I was just glad you weren’t treating me like a little girl anymore. I was tired of having to fantasize about you. I wanted the real thing.”
Preston went very still. Dang it. I’d opened my mouth and said too much. He was going to shove me toward the bathroom now and go hide in his bedroom.
“You fantasized about me?”
Really? Was that all he got out of what I’d just said?
“Yes,” I replied, rolling my eyes and trying to move away, only to be held in place with a tight squeeze of my waist from his hand.
Preston lowered his mouth until it was against my cheek. “Why don’t you tell me about these fantasies? You know, so I understand better.” His warm breath tickled my skin, and I shivered.
“That’s a bad idea,” I replied.
Preston’s hand slipped under the hem of my shirt until his fingers were brushing up against my bare stomach. “I disagree. I’m thinking it’s a real good idea,” he said before trailing kisses against the tender skin behind my ear down to my neck.
Forming thoughts while Preston’s hand was slowly moving up my stomach and his mouth was nuzzling and taking small nips at my neck wasn’t exactly easy. I couldn’t remember what it was we were talking about.
“See, Manda, it’s a really good idea. So damn good,” he said just before his hand cupped one of my breasts.
Focus. I needed to focus. There was a reason this was a bad idea. I just had to think really hard.
“Take this shirt off for me,” Preston said in a harsh whisper. Then he pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it somewhere to the side of us. His eyelids were lowered, and it only made him sexier. I hadn’t realized that was possible.
With one hand Preston reached around me and undid the hooks on my bra, then pulled it away. I’d been with him like this before, but it had been dark outside. We weren’t in the dark now, and Preston’s words “I know your boobs aren’t that big” came back to haunt me. I didn’t have the cup size most of the girls he dated did. He liked big boobs. Mine were nowhere near what he was used to. I glanced around frantically for my shirt.