So I drag myself to the cockpit, time and again. For the last ten days, we’ve gone from fight to fight, and the ship is limping. The constant repairs have been hard on her, and we don’t have Dina on board to work her usual magic. Torrance is doing his best, but he doesn’t have the skill or experience to keep up long term.
The good news is, more Armada ships have joined us on patrol, fully upgraded. The Dauntless arrived first, and Hon’s jumper, Jory, handles the new direct-jump technology like a pro. She stays with me every step of the way. It gives me strength to glance out the view screen and see them pacing us. We’re not in this alone anymore.
We try to stay within one satellite bounce of our next target, however, which means raiders can wreak havoc in other parts of the universe. Unfortunately, we can’t worry about smugglers and pirates anymore. My mother must be thrilled.
During one of my rare down moments, I’m lying on my bunk, arms beneath my head, when the door bot announces: “You have a visitor, LC Jax.”
No nap, I guess. “Allow entry.”
To my surprise, it’s Rose. She steps inside, looking hesitant, but I can see grief shadowing her gaze. The time on the Triumph has aged her, put new lines on her face.
“Sorry to bother you,” she says. “But I don’t have anyone else.”
Her stark tone makes me sit up at once. “Everything all right?”
She shakes her head, sinking into a chair near my terminal. “No. And it hasn’t been for the longest time.”
“What happened?” I fold myself in the lotus position, preparing to listen.
It takes her a moment to compose herself. “I went to the med lab, intending to bring Saul some food. I hadn’t seen him at meals for days.”
Uh-oh. I keep my face impassive. “Maybe he was working?”
Mary knows, between finding a cure for Loras and postulating long-term effects of my various implants could keep him busy for turns. Somehow, I don’t think competing with genetic data has her so upset, though.
“Not so that I could see.”
“What did you see?”
“He was holding her.” Anguish bleeds through her flat tone and finds an echo in her trembling chin.
I can see she wants to cry, but I don’t want her to get started because then I won’t know what to do with her. We’re not close enough for me to comfort her, not that I’m generally any good at it even when such emotional ties are present. I picture myself thumping her on the shoulder while saying, “It will be all right.” No, we have to avoid that scenario. No tears; therefore, I need to keep her talking.
“Were they celebrating some accomplishment?” I ask lamely.
She raises a bleak gaze to mine. “Would you do that by nestling someone close and stroking her hair?”
I have to admit, “That doesn’t sound like a happy, way-to-go hug.”
“It wasn’t. He was comforting her, I think.”
“Maybe that’s all it was. You should talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel.” Unfortunately, that’s all I can offer her.
I don’t think Doc is the kind of guy who’d play fast and loose, but sometimes the heart can surprise us. Maybe he loves them both. Or maybe he doesn’t realize how this looks; he suffers from tunnel vision sometimes.
“You’re right,” she murmurs. “I know you’re right. But I’m afraid of hearing how he feels in return.”
“You think his feelings have changed.”
“Maybe.” A jerky nod. “Yes. She’s perfect for him, after all. They can share everything. She’s young and clever, educated and—”
“Not you. The two of you have weathered worse, right? Don’t write him off without letting him explain.”
Giving relationship advice when I’m not even allowed to touch the man I love strikes me as rather backward, but I do want to help her. She has no close friends on board, just acquaintances from Lachion who were mad to get off world, and I have the feeling she never would’ve left home if not for Doc.
“If by ‘weather’ you mean his going away and my waiting, then yes. We have.”
“Talk to him? Please?”
She seems reluctant, but by the time we’ve sipped through two cups of hot choclaste, she agrees it’s the best course. When Rose leaves, she is dry-eyed and full of resolve. I don’t envy her the coming conversation.
Thus denied my nap, I gaze at the comm, tempted. As lieutenant commander, I can access any public vid com and listen in. Generally, I don’t because it’s boring and banal. March can as well, but hell, he can do it without technology. I’m sure he skims now and then, making sure morale is high without intruding on personal privacy.
It takes me all of two minutes to lose the fight. This has personal bearing on me, I tell myself. Rose brought the concern to me. I should follow up.
Feeling guilty, I input my command codes and hijack the vid com in med bay. I won’t follow them elsewhere if they seek greater privacy. That’s a reasonable compromise, right? The fact is, I’m dead nosy, and now I have the power to indulge myself.
For a few moments, it just shows me Doc and Evelyn working at various stations. I don’t see any evidence of intimacy; but they can’t go around canoodling all the time, or they wouldn’t ever get any work done. Then the door swishes open, showing Rose on the other side.
She went straight to him. Good for her.
Doc turns to greet her with an absent smile. No kiss. There’s strike one. Stupid man. I narrow my eyes at the screen.
“May I speak to you in private?” she asks without preamble.
To her credit, Evelyn straightens from her work, taking the cue at once. “I’ll head down to the mess for a bite to eat.”