“Whatever, Barbie. Let's just do the work.” I couldn't look at her. Normally the clones didn't bother me, and their chatter rolled off my back, but I felt raw. Her words stung.
She sneered, hissing as she leaned closer to me. “What's it gonna take for you to notice him? It's cruel—what you do—leading him on. Dating any other guy. Sucking face with some skater freak, when he's right in front of you.”
I dropped my pen, and glared at her. “I am not leading Collin on. Listen, I...”
She cut me off before I could finish the rest of my thought. “No, you listen, you little slut,” she sneered poking her pen into my arm. “Nicole didn't want me to say anything, but I can't stand watching you torture Collin anymore. Since you're too stupid to notice, I'm telling you—he loves you. Get it through your thick skull.” My mouth fell open in disbelief, but I couldn’t get a word in. She hissed, “A guy doesn't act like that for a fling. He doesn't scoop up a girl and carry her away from another guy if he's just a friend. The rest of us hang on him, but he doesn't notice us, we're like air—invisible. But not with you. Never with you. He runs after you, checks on you, does stuff for you, gave you that ring you're wearing. He loves you. Stop treating him like crap.”
Shaking my head, I said, “He doesn't love me. It's just lust. Or something.”
Her perfect eyebrow shot up. “Tell yourself whatever you want, but you better stop hurting Collin. Nicole's gonna kill you. And I can't stand you either.” Her words hung in the air. The horrible certainty that her clones thought he loved me, made me feel sick. If he did love me, the way I acted was horrifying. No. They couldn't be right. It wasn't possible. This was payback for messing with Nicole last night. Collin couldn't love me. He couldn't.
The rest of the day passed, and I dreading seeing Eric. People were talking about him and it was entirely my fault. I didn't know how he'd respond. When I turned the hallway to the bio room, I saw Eric leaning on the wall. His arms were folded, as he watched me approach. My pace slowed. The burn of humiliation rose to my cheeks. When I reached him I said, “Eric, let me explain.”
His amber eyes were cold. He lowered his face to mine, and said, “Explain. Explain how you could do something like that. You didn't even know him.” Straightening, he stepped back.
“Eric...” the bell rang. His disappointment deflated my desire to fight back. My entire defense, the need to conceal the demon blood coursing through my veins melted. I couldn’t hide this anymore. It was eating me alive and destroying every friendship I had. Horrified, I heard the words slipping out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Eric, I'm not like you. I'm different. There's darkness inside me that I can't control. Yesterday, I heard you talking about killing someone, permanently. I was overloaded. I can't stand the thought. Oh God, Eric.” The confession spilled over my lips before I could choke it back, “It's me. I’m the one you’re looking for.”
His lips cracked into a smile, as he laughed. He put his hand on my shoulder acting utterly amused. “That's what freaked you out? You think you're the one we're looking for?” He laughed some more, shaking his head. “I suppose that warranted your reaction, but I assure you,” he smiled, “I'm not hunting you.”
He didn't believe me! Unbelievable. I told the Seeker the one he was hunting was standing right in front of him, and he blew me off! I felt irritated, but it also assured that I was well hidden. He didn't suspect me at all. From the look on his face, he thought I was foolish for thinking such a thing. Eric forgave me easily. It was part of his charm, but it also made it harder. There would be a time when he realized who I was. The betrayal was going to be horrifying, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
My mood was crap by the time I got to the nun. Sister Al was telling me about the premonition type of Seyer-ing that happened before a vision, when I blurted out the question that I was dying to ask, “Is it normal for a Seyer to have a heightened sense of another person?”
Her wrinkled face seemed surprised by my question. “No. That ain’t normal, but none of us is the same. And you were cut from a different mold, child. Any fool can see that. Why you askin’?” Her old eyes held mine.
I couldn’t look away. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to trust her. But my mouth wouldn’t spill the truth. I shrugged. “I thought maybe we just had heightened senses in general.”
She replied, “Ask your question, if you got one.”
“I have a connection with another person. It’s like we can hear each other’s thoughts. It feels very - weird.” I paused. She didn’t look at me like I was insane, so I began again slowly forming the words that described our bond. “And the connection, this bond we have, it's growing. When I try to pull away from this person, it’s starting to physically hurt. Something inside me is being stretched. And it snaps when I leave.” I stopped there, expecting her to tell me I was nuts.
“Hmm. It's not with everyone—only one person?” Her ancient fingers made a tee pee on her chin.
“Only one,” I breathed.
Her old eyes considered me. “And it’s changing?”
I nodded, “Yeah. It’s getting stronger. In the beginning, it was only a sensation. Then it required eye contact or touch. I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep my secrets to myself. Like the Martis. What do I do?”
Her face was serious, as she tapped her upper lip. I expected this sage to have all the answers that I would need for the rest of my life. I hung on her words, waiting for them to enlighten me, and get me out of this mess. Her answer was shocking. “No idea, but that’s an interesting situation. You’ll have to let me know how it turns out.”
“What!” I squealed. “You have to tell me. I don’t know what to do. He’s not Martis! He's a mortal!”
She leaned forward, “It’s a him?”
“Yes. Can you tell me now? What do I do? The only way to keep him out of my head is to push him away. But the bond is pulling me toward him. I don’t think I can stay away, especially if it’s doing the same thing to him.” And I didn't want to stay away from him. He was my best friend, no matter what recent events transpired.
A smile spread over her lips as she leaned back laughing, “Oh child!”
“This isn’t funny! I need to know. I can’t stand it.” I was out of breath. Panic was rising within me.
Al finally answered, “You can’t stand it, because you try to control everything. But you ain’t gonna control this. And you can’t bend it to your will, neither. The two of you were made to do something together. At some point. It doesn’t matter what you do—it will happen. Fighting it is pointless, even if you don’t like it. And at some point, he will find out what you are.” She leaned forward, “We all will. When you’re ready.”
My heart caught in my throat. Her old face watched mine. Great. She was going to play with me until I told her. Well, that I could control, and I wasn’t telling her that I was the only Martis walking around with demon blood right then. That was the end of the discussion. I'd have to deal with Collin myself.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
A week passed since the fountain incident. Collin kept his distance. We had trouble patching things up after the fountain incident, and we weren't talking. My anger faded, but I couldn’t talk to him yet. The words Lily had said really messed with me, although I found it impossible to believe her. There was no way he loved me. And besides, I knew there was another reason why Collin kept away from me. I could feel it. The bond was changing again. It seemed to have a life of its own. I didn't discuss it with Collin, but I knew he was also aware of the shift. Apprehension laced his thoughts. When we passed each other in the halls, I felt the bond pull, urging me toward him. Often, it made us pause. We would stop—unable to speak. Our eyes met and we would stare at each other, as wordless thoughts past between us.
Kids noticed. They were saying that some new dramatic thing happened between us, though nothing had. The staring was an attempt at locking down my mind before thoughts could slip out and into Collin’s mind. When he was nearby, I forced everything out of my mind. He did the same, but the bond grew more uncomfortable. Each time we finally moved enough to snap the bond my heart would sink, and the pulling in my chest snapped, in a short painful pop.
I straddled my stool in bio, and slumped down on my desk. The tabletop felt cold against my cheek. Staring at the wall, I thought about it, waiting for the bell to ring. Things were getting really weird. When Collin crossed my path, I was solely focused on breaking proximity, and subduing the bond before information leaked out. Stupid-ass bond. It was getting hard. Very hard. Being a hallway apart wasn’t helping anymore. We could hear each other at a longer distance, and through walls. It was particularly bad in math, when he was in the room next to mine. His muted thoughts came through the cinder block walls. The worst part was the pulling sensation. There was a wall in the way. It's not like I could move it and go to him! But the bond didn't care.
The chair next to me scraped the floor. I heard Eric ask, “You okay?”
Leaning back, I raised my head, and smiled faintly. “Yup. I’m fine. Just a little strung out.” He nodded. Class went on as usual. When the bell rang, we walked back to my locker together. There was no circle of blonde girls. No Collin. Eric left me, and we planned to meet around front. I was disappointed that Collin wasn’t there. I almost wished he'd say something, so we could move past the other night. But, he didn't. Neither would I. It's not like I should apologize. But still. If I was given the opportunity to allow things to blow over, I would jump at it.
The kids still regarded me as the school slut, but I was no longer the topic of choice. Thank God. That was horrifying and lasted long enough. Eric made up some story about taking me back, despite my wild ways—which was true, since he couldn’t lie. And we were a fake couple again. Eric drove to the church, saying little. When he finally spoke, it wasn't something that I wanted to talk about. “Why'd you do it?”
Turning my head, I looked at him quizzically. “Do what?”
His face saddened, and he wouldn't look at me. “The skater. At the party. I heard lots of stories. I didn't hear yours.”
“I don't really want to talk about it, okay?” I stared out the window, leaning my head against the glass.
He cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. “Ivy, Shannon told me that Collin threw you in the fountain. You were fighting with your best friend? The whole thing sounds weird.”
I shrugged, “It was weird.”
Eric looked at me, gripping the wheel tighter. “Things tend to fester and putrefy, if you don't deal with them. You tend to shove your problems in a box, and then they blow up in your face.”
I bristled, “They do not… Well, maybe they do—a little bit. What would you have me do?” I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, straightening in my seat.
“I'd have you deal with it. Whatever it is. However you can. Sealing it inside of you doesn't work out very well.” He shrugged. “I know, because I did it. I was really angry when I was first changed. Not because of the mark, but because of what I lost. The Valefar killed her...” his voice grew quieter, as he turned the wheel, pulling into the parking lot. The gravel crunched under the truck as he slowed to a stop. “Lydia meant everything to me. I lost her because I was a fool. Whether you want to admit it or not—Collin means something to you. Don’t be a fool and throw it away.”