“I think I can picture it,” I mutter. “How did you get like that?”
She scratches absentmindedly at the marks on her arms. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should try to remember,” I entice. “Perhaps it would help.”
Suddenly, she’s inches away from my face, pulsating with anger. “I do remember, Kayla. I remember too well what my life was like back then. Every single day I was locked in chains, all by myself, with no one to talk to. I spent years like that. Unlike you three, who were his prize experiments—the ones he saw as useful. All I am is a tool to assist you.” She breathes violently and lifts her arm, showing me her experiment number. “See this little thing right here—see how short it is. That’s because I wasn’t considered special and got the crap end of the deal.”
“I’m not sure what kind of deal you think the rest of us got.” Sylas leans over her shoulder. “But I can assure you it was just as crappy.”
She elbows him in the gut. “Whatever. I’m going back to the cave.” She fumes for the entrance.
Aiden blocks her, catching her in his arms. “It’s going to be okay,” he tells her. “We’ll go back to the cave. Let’s just make sure it’s morning first.” He looks at me for help. “Kayla, can you check?”
I look at Ryder, her designed arms, her matted hair, the circle on her neck. She has what I want, and not just because I need to save the world. I need my memories so I know what else I’ve done.
“Not until she gives me all my memories,” I threaten. “Then I’ll check.”
He releases Ryder. “Kayla, just come back with us. Maci really misses you and it’s safer for you there.”
“But it might not be safe for you guys,” I say.
Aiden shakes his head and takes a cautious step for me. “That wasn’t you, Kayla. Monarch made you do it.”
A hideous feeling scratches in my stomach. I contemplate my options. As hard as it is to see my memories, I need to remember everything, so I can put my life together and figure out my purpose. “Okay, I’ll go with you, but just for a while until I can plan my next move.”
“Great.” He grins, excited to leave.
That’s when I feel the bundle of lies roll off him. He’s hiding something back at the cave, something he doesn’t want me to discover. Yet he still wants me to go with him, he needs me with him, afraid he’s losing me to his brother.
“Let’s get going.” He waves his hand, shooing us out the cave. “Sylas, it’s been great seeing you, but it’s time for you to head back to your pack.”
“Like I’m going to let you take her,” he says, amused at the idea. “Do you understand how valuable she is? How much good she could do if she changes? She’s immune, she can walk with the vampires—they fear her. She needs to go through with it and become a Day Taker. If she’s with you, that’s never going to happen.”
“I’m going to go back to the cave.” I start for the boulder, taking in Sylas’ point. “You guys can do whatever you want.” Pushing until my skin dampens with sweat, I manage to crack the boulder from the wall. Greyness capes the sky and the land lights up beneath it. “We’re good.” I roll the rock over and step out.
I’m on a mission now, with or without anyone’s help. I will get my memories back. I will find the room with glass cages where I’m fairly sure the virus was created. If that’s where the virus started, then there’s got to be a cure. I will save the world. Then maybe I can erase some of the death stained on my hands.
Ryder follows me out and sighs at the sight of morning. She tips her head back and breathes in the fresh air. Aiden joins us, stretching his hands over his head. Sylas remains in the cave and I don’t look back at him. I head down the hill, hoping he’ll follow us. I won’t ask him to come, but I want him to. I might need his help, and for some reason that I don’t understand, the idea of him leaving rattles me.
“I’m glad we’re back together again,” Aiden says thoughtfully observing the sky. “It hasn’t been the same since you left.”
“I was only with you a few days before I left,” I point out. “So it should be like what it’s always been.”
“Which is good,” Ryder mumbles, pissed I’m going with them. “Disaster is your middle name, isn’t it? It’s your fault everyone at the hillside had to die.”
We all grow silent. Ryder picks up her pace, anxious to distance herself from me.
Aiden sighs. “She’ll get over it. I promise one day you two will be friends.”
Aiden lives in a delusional world.
“No, we won’t,” I say. “She blames me for the things done to her.”
Aiden gapes at me. “No she doesn’t. She just doesn’t understand you and the things you can do.”
“Neither do you,” I say, kicking up dirt with my boots. “And I’m beginning to think no one understands me, except Monarch.”
“Only because he created you. And he doesn’t know the real you, the one not doped up on medicine and drugs and being controlled. I used to know you better than anyone.”
“When we were little and hiding out behind trees making plans to run away?”
He perks up. “You remember that?”
“Yeah,” I nod. “I also remember a fire and you burning in it.”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t burn in it, Kayla.” He takes a slow inhale through his nose, fighting his racing heart. “You saw it wrong. They were weeding some of us out of Cell 7.”
“Why would they burn you out?” I hold his gaze, aware of his lie.