Needing to be close to him, I gather every speck of courage I have inside me and kiss him. He kisses me back but then he’s pulling away. My insides wind into knots, but I don’t back down. I press my lips to his again and just like that, through a second chance, he’s kissing me back.
At first he’s gentle, his tongue soft against mine as he holds me on his lap. But suddenly the gentleness turns desperate and the next thing I know we’re falling backward. I land on top of him, with our mouths sealed together and our bodies perfectly aligned.
His hands are all over me, on my neck, my back. They glide down to my backside and then they’re slipping underneath my dress, digging roughly into my skin.
I tense at the intimate touch, but then remember that he’s seen and felt all of me. I relax, letting his hands explore my body.
Without warning he turns us to the side and pulls my leg up over his hip. His hand slides higher, leaving a path of heat along my skin, and I almost burst into flames as he inches his fingers beneath my panties.
I start to shiver, from nerves, from the cold, from the anticipation, but each feeling leaves me when he slips his fingers inside me. I let out an embarrassing moan and my body arches into him. He starts to move his fingers and causes small whimpers to leave my lips. I feel myself verging toward the edge, about to break and be free. But he abruptly stops and then he’s pulling away again. The moment starts to dissipate and fall into the sand as he sits up, moving me with him.
“What are you doing?” I stutter, feeling flushed. “Is something wrong?”
His fingertips burrow into my waist and he holds me firmly as he stands. Sand showers from our bodies as he wraps his arms underneath me and he holds me against his body. He hikes across the beach and toward the house, with me attached to his front.
“I’m taking you inside,” he says softly, kissing me and then pulling back. “Before things get too out of hand.” He presses his lips to mine and gives me a delicate kiss. “We don’t want to be out in the beach… out in the open.” He brings his lips to mine as his shoes scuff in the gravel of the driveway. He nips at my bottom and I shiver uncontrollably. When he pulls back, his lips quirk. “We don’t want to be in the sand… it can get messy.”
I try not to blush, but I’ve never been good at suppressing my embarrassment, and my cheeks are fiery hot.
He walks around Luke’s truck and trots up the steps, bringing us into the porch light. He smiles as he takes me in and then moves one arm away from me to touch his finger to my cheek.
“I’ve missed that, you know—the blushing. It’s adorable.”
I blush even more, but I let it be—there’s nothing I can do about it. Smiling, he shifts my weight to the side, and I overlap my fingers behind his neck as he maneuvers the door open without setting me down. We stumble into the kitchen and his lips come down on mine as soon as his feet make it over the threshold.
His hand travels up into my hair as he kisses me and walks through the house, bumping into the corner of the countertop and knocking his elbow against the wall of the hallway. It’s dark, but there’s a lamp on in the living room and also in the bedroom and a soft trail of moonlight filters through the windows.
Kayden’s hands run down my back and slip underneath my dress as he turns the corner and stumbles through the doorway into the room Seth and I are sleeping in.
“What if they come back?” I ask, breathless, and my lips feel bruised from all the kissing.
Kayden adjust his arm so it’s under my backside and I can feel his hardness pressing against me. All there is between us are his jeans and my panties. “We’ll lock the door… unless… unless you don’t want to do this.” Without letting me go, he reaches back with one arm, shuts the door, and pushes the lock in.
I love that he asks. I love it even more that I want to do it. I want to be with him. I can be with him. Only months ago, the idea seemed out of reach, nonexistent, impossible. But now, with him, everything inside me has changed and my heart and soul aren’t so shadowed anymore. He is my light and I hope one day that I can be his.
I move my lips toward him. “I want to be with you.”
He doesn’t say anything else. His lips collide with mine. He starts walking again as his hands stray to my waist, fingers dipped inward and leaving paths of sweltering heat on my skin. He lowers us onto the bed, sits up a little, and shoves Seth’s bag off the edge.
Then he maneuvers his body over mine and our lips reconnect with a shock of static. When his tongue enters my mouth, I knot my fingers in his hair and steer his face closer, wanting all of him.
“Callie,” he groans as his hands round to my stomach. His fingers graze along my skin and send a coil of heat down between my legs.
My back bows up into him as I relish the feel of his tongue on mine. If I could wish for one thing, it would be that I could always feel this way, completely and blissfully consumed by someone else. No, not just by someone else. By Kayden. My legs move around his hips, so I’m opened up to him, and his weight bears down on me. He’s holding himself up with his arm propped to the side of my head and his other hand moves up the front of my dress until it reaches the edge of my bra. For a split second I feel uneasiness choke inside me, but I remind myself that this is Kayden and he would never hurt me—he’ll only ever protect me, no matter what it costs him.
His fingers sneak under and cup my breast and my nipple promptly hardens. My knees constrict around his waist as the pad of his thumb grazes across my nipple. My head falls back as I let out a moan and Kayden begins grinding his hips against me. He does it over and over again, our bodies connecting and colliding.
There’s undying passion in each movement and I forget where I am. I exist only in this moment and every other moment in my life is dead. My nails dig into his shoulder blades as I feel myself rising toward the stars outside the window and seconds later I fall back to earth. Panting loudly, I stretch my fingers out as he stills.
Then he’s sitting up and grabbing my arm. Moving off the bed, he pulls me up so I’m sitting on the edge of the bed and he’s standing in front of me. He reaches for the bottom of my dress, and with one swift movement, he pulls it over my head. My heart jumps inside my chest as my hair falls to my shoulders. He leans over me and his hand slides up my back to the clasp of my bra. My chest rises and falls as he flicks the clasp open and my bra falls off my shoulders. I’m choking up again, but whisper at my heart to calm down as I reach for his shirt. His breathing becomes unsteady as I slip my hand up his chest and bring my body up, so I’m standing in front of him and his shirt is pulled up. One of my hands rests above his heart, beating unsteadily against my palm.
I swallow hard as I take in the scar on his side, still healing, and I trace a path around it. Tears sting my eyes as I think about how it got there, what he went through, what he must be going through.
“Callie…” Kayden says and he hooks a finger under my chin so I’ll look up at him. He lowers his hand and his fingers circle my wrist. Bringing my hand up to his lips, he kisses the inside of my wrist and I shudder from the delicate touch of his breath. “I’m okay.”
No, you’re not. I want to say. Your father stabbed you and you took the full weight of it. You can’t be okay.
He lets go of my hand and reaches behind his neck. With a soft tug, he slips his shirt off the rest of the way and drops it onto the floor beside my dress and bra. His hair is sticking up and his lips are red from kissing me so roughly. My gaze moves from his face to the scars. Most of them are small, but some aren’t. The largest one tracks up his chest and looks coarse.
“I fell on a rake when my father hit me,” he explains in a solemn voice, like it means nothing. Like it’s something that just happens and he’s moved on and forgotten it.
I want to cry for him. I trace my finger up the scar, feeling the bumps and imagining how painful it must have been. “Kayden, I—”
He silences me with his lips as he falls down on me and lays us back onto the bed. After his tongue searches every inch of my mouth, he pulls away again. “I know you want me to talk about it with you—and I will—but right now this is what I want.” He sketches his finger down my cheekbone and my eyelids flutter shut. “You’re all I want for a minute.”
His touch is driving my body crazy in ways I didn’t even know were possible. I nod my head, wanting him to have me for a minute. There’s a faint smile at his lips as he kisses my cheek and then he lifts his hips off me. He slips his jeans off and then his boxers before sliding my panties down my legs and pulling them off too. He grabs a condom from his wallet before tossing his jeans aside, and then he stills over me with his arms resting at the side of my head as he looks me in the eyes.
“You know, if you ever need anything from me—whether it’s to stop or slow down or simply talk, I’m here,” he says, trying to calm my nerves, which are a mess, even though I’ve done this with him before.
“I know.” I inhale and exhale and I almost tell him I love him right there and then, because holding it in is nearly excruciating.
I don’t though and then he’s kissing me and sliding inside me. It doesn’t hurt as bad as the first time we had sex and my legs more willingly open up to him as he rocks inside me. I fasten my hands around his back and hold onto him as my body drifts to that place again, the one where I’m free, the one where he and I only belong together.
I begin to sweat and the muscles of his arms and chest flex as he speeds up his movements. All thoughts leave my head. I wish I could grasp onto this moment, hold it in my hand and keep it with me forever, because then my life would be complete, breathless, real.
It would be perfect.
Kayden I don’t have control when it comes to her. I’m quickly learning this. Whenever she looks at me, I swear she steals another piece of my soul. Unlike most people, she doesn’t care if it’s damaged. And once we kiss, I’m gone. The broken, soulless, empty Kayden who’s existed since the first time his father beat him no longer lives. She owns me and I want nothing more than to be with her.
I pick her up and carry her into the bedroom, because what I want to do to her can’t be done on the beach without things getting messy. I kiss her for as long as I can, rubbing up against her and then watch in fascination as she breaks apart. I need more, so I stand up and bring her up with me, undressing her. Then she reaches to undress me and I can tell she’s looking at the scars and thinking about what put them there. When I take my shirt off, her gaze goes to the largest one right up the center of my chest.
“I fell on a rake when my father hit me,” I tell her and I don’t even know why. I hate talking about it, but suddenly I want her to know because it’ll make me feel better and the weight on my shoulders will be a little less heavy.
She looks like she’s about to say something that might ruin the moment, so I crash my lips against hers and steal both our breaths and voices. I fall onto her, holding my weight, noting how small and helpless she is underneath me.
