My lips turn down into a frown. He doesn’t know this is my goodbye to him. “Noel..,”
He brushes my lips with his fingertips. “Shhhhhh. Let’s not talk about this anymore. I just need to hear you say you love me. That this isn’t going to ruin us.”
I bite my bottom lip. Even though I’m unbelievably pissed at him, I can’t deny the feelings in my heart. I do love him, more than anything else, but I can’t do this. I can’t be the other woman.
Noel’s eyes plead with me to tell him I love him, and that I still need him.
I pull his fingers away from my lips and then bring both of my hands around to cup his face. He turns his head and kisses the palm of my hand. One last kiss is all I can bring myself to give him. I can’t tell him that I love him, even though I do madly, it will only lead him on.
Every line and curve of his face I commit to memory. Never again will I hold him like this.
I lean and press my lips to his and he shuts his eyes. He tenses and tentatively moves his lips with mine. A single tear rolls down his cheek. He feels it too. He knows me well enough to know, this is it for us.
Noel wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into him. Panic surges through me. If he starts touching me, it’ll be over. It doesn’t take much from him to turn me on, and I know I can’t let my body overrule my head.
I break our kiss and lean my forehead against his. “Noel…I can’t.”
He opens his eyes. “Can’t or won’t?”
I shrug and drop my hands into my lap. “Does it really matter?”
“It matters to me, Lane. We can work this out. I just need some time to—”
I shake my head. “No, Noel. I can’t be that girl. I can’t be the girl who is second in your life. You’ve always known this about me. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
He lays his hand on my thigh and my whole body tingles. “Would you’ve come here—been with me, if you’d have known? I wanted you here—with me—and when I saw my shot to make that happen, I took it.”
I cross my legs in attempt to create more space between us, but my body instinctively turns into him. “But you lied to me. I can’t forgive that.”
A harsh breath escapes his lips. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Lane.”
I move his hand off my thigh. “I believe you, but that doesn’t change the situation. I understand you feel like you need to be with Sophie. I do. But I can’t be apart of your life during all this.”
Noel tilts his head. “What are you saying?”
I take a deep breath. “I need you to leave.”
“Lane?”
I shake my head and close my eyes. “Please leave.”
“No. Don’t say that. Don’t shut me out.”
He’s not going to go willingly, and if I don’t end this now I might let him con me into staying with him, being second in his life. I gaze into his eyes try to look as hard as possible. “Noel, I’m done with you.”
He grabs my hand, and I jerk away from his grasp. “No.”
I shove myself off the bed. “Get the fuck out.”
Noel stands and steps in front of me. He leans into me, and I take a step back, bumping against the wall behind me. “You want me to go?”
“Yes.”
His eyes search my face while his warm breath hits my lips. Each of his hands goes on either side of me, effectively pinning me against the wall. Our thighs touch as he pushes against me. I swallow hard and try not to think about how close his body is to mine. His nose traces runs along my chin. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Noel kisses my chin, and I close my eyes. My head tips back. His lips feel amazing and my chest actually heaves. “You can really give this up? Won’t you miss how I make you feel?”
Of course I’ll miss this. The entire time we were apart I missed him. This time won’t be an exception, but for my own sanity, I have to end this. I can’t allow my feelings to be toyed with. It scares me to know I’ve fallen for him again so quickly. If I allow this thing between us to continue and he eventually leaves me for Sophie, I’ll be crushed.
I’m just trying to think ahead.
A tear rolls down my cheek, and I turn my head away from him. “Please stop hurting me.” The words only come out as a whisper, but I know he hears them.
He flinches, drops his arms—freeing me from his muscular prison and takes a step back. He runs his hand roughly through his hair. “I’m sorry, Lane.”
Before another word can be said between us, he turns on his heel and heads out the door. I jump when the door slams behind him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The cheapest flight to New York leaves tonight at nine o’clock. It sucks I have to pack up and leave this room Mike so graciously gave to me for free. Check out is noon and hanging out in the airport for eight hours will suck so much.
I throw my pajamas in my bag and zip it up.
I walk toward the door just as a knock startles me. I open the door without looking through the peephole and stop in my tracks. “Mike? What’s up?”
He shoves his sunglasses on top of his head. “Oh, good. You’re ready.”
I tilt my head. “Ready?”
“Yeah, I’m here to take you back to the bus.”
I shake my head. “I’m sorry you wasted your time coming over here, but I’m not going back.”
Mike frowns and his eyes look sad. “Noel knew you would say that. Here.” He hands me a paper.