“Okay, now I’m really intrigued.” I reach in and remove the next item, a feather duster with a really long handle. “What is this for?” I run my fingers along the feathers and then shiver. “It tickles.”
She giggles, twirling a strand of her short hair around her finger. “I think that’s the point,” she says and I extend my arm across the table and tickle her face with it. “Hey, what the hell?” She laughs as I pull it away. “That’s not for me and I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to tickle faces with it.”
“It could be for you. You and Ethan could totally use it.” I set the feather duster on top of the pile and reach for the last item, which is in another box, a long narrow one.
“You really want to go down that road?” she questions. “The one where we talk about our sex lives.”
I shrug as I open the top of the smaller white box, and then tip it to the side and batteries fall out. “You used to tell me all the time about the guys you hooked up with.” I pick up the batteries, scrunching my forehead.
Her expression plummets and she abruptly becomes uncomfortable. “Yeah, but I’m not hooking up with some guy. I’m hooking up with Ethan and in the past you two didn’t always seem like the best of friends.” She snatches the batteries from me with inquisitiveness in her expression and this weird look crosses her face.
“Yeah, we’ve been better though lately, and besides, regardless if Ethan and I are getting along, you can talk about stuff with me,” I tell her as I stick my hand into the narrow box. “I just don’t want to hear all the details…” I trail off as I take out the item inside it. “What in the love of God, Lila. I mean, I knew this was a sex kit, but really?”
Lila’s face turns bright red as she busts up laughing, her shoulders hunching forward. “I was sort of wondering if that was what was in there when the batteries fell out.”
I hold up a pink vibrator with this weird front part attached to it, biting my lip not to laugh. But Lila continues to laugh as she extends her arm across the table and takes the vibrator out of my hand. Then she pops the batteries inside the bottom, twists a nob, and it starts to hum. Laughter escapes both our lips as she drops it on the table and it begins to shake.
“Imagine how good it will feel,” she says, tears slipping through her eyes, her whole body trembling with laughter.
Still laughing, I ask, “Was the cashier who put this all together a guy or a girl?”
“A guy,” she says, poking the vibrator with her finger to steer it away from falling off the table. “A total creeper appar…” she drifts off as the back door swings open. Snowflakes flurry in as Micha and Ethan come strolling inside, tracking snow and carrying a few plastic bags of groceries.
Micha takes one look at the vibrator, the pile of lacy and sequined fabric, and the feather duster and the bags immediately fall from his hands as he explodes with laughter. “What the hell did we miss?” He grips onto the countertop for support as his knees buckle.
Ethan stands by the backdoor, looking lost, like he can’t quite figure out what the hell we were doing.
Lila overlaps her fingers as she leans back in the chair. “We were playing a game.”
“What kind of a game?” Ethan wonders and the confusion is replaced by a wicked look. “See who could stick it farther up their—”
Lila cuts him off as she picks up the vibrator and chucks it across the room. It zips past his head and hits the door, still humming. “Do not finish that sentence, Ethan Gregory.”
We all settle briefly into an awkward silence and then everyone spurts out in laughter. We continue to laugh until Micha scoops the vibrator up and turns it off. The humming stops and he puts it down on the table in front of me, winking at me as he backs up to where he dropped his groceries.
“So we were thinking of having a party,” he announces as he piles the bags onto the kitchen counter.
I make a face as I put the vibrator, lingerie, and feather duster into the bag. “Really?”
He picks up a box of cereal out of the bag. “It’ll be like a bachelorette slash bachelor party.”
“Aren’t we supposed to have those separately?” I ask, pushing the bag aside.
“And with strippers,” Lila adds, and Ethan gives her a strange look as he slips off his jacket and hangs it up by the back door.
“Yeah, we could do that but I’d rather have a party with you,” Micha says. “And you can always strip for me later when it’s over. That’s much better in my opinion.”
“TMI,” Ethan says with a frustrated sigh as he sets the bags he was carrying on the counter. Micha rolls his eyes at him and then turns to me. “So are you down?”
“For a party?” I ask. “I guess.”
“You guess?” he questions, as he puts the cereal box into the cupboard. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“It’s fine. A party sounds fine.” I get up from the chair and walk across the kitchen to him. I cross paths with Ethan as he heads for Lila. He whispers something in her ear and then the two of them wander off toward the guest room, Ethan muttering that they’ll be back in a few.
I start helping Micha unpack the groceries, putting cans of food into the cupboard. “Who are you planning on inviting to this party of yours?” I ask.
He shrugs as he opens the fridge to put a gallon of milk away. “Just the people we used to hang out with. The ones still living around here anyway.”I close the cupboard and lean against the counter. “Which is probably pretty much everyone,” I mumble and then internally sigh. “Are you going to play at this party?”
He kicks the fridge door shut and goes back over to the bags. “Do you want me to play at this party?”
I stare down at the floor. “If you want to.”
He pauses and I continue to stare at the linoleum floor until his boots appear in my line of vision, and then I angle my chin back to meet his eyes. “What?” I ask as he aims a suspicious look at me.
“What do you mean, what?” He positions himself in front of me, his jacket still speckled with wet spots from the falling snow outside. “This is bothering you and I want to know why.”
“It’s not bothering me,” I start to protest but he targets me with a warning look. “It’s just that this will be the first party we’ve ever been at as a couple.”
“And?”
“And from my knowledge, a lot of the people who came to these parties… the female ones…” I search for the right words that won’t make me sound like a jealous asshole, but there aren’t any so I decide just to be blunt. “You fucked.”
He winces, but then quickly composes himself. “I know, but that’s in the past. What matters is that I’ll be fucking you at the end of the night, over and over again. In fact, I’ll be fucking you every night for the rest of your life.” He gives me a flirty smile and I swat his chest with my hand.
“What?” he says innocently, trapping my hand against his chest. “Would you rather me say ‘make love’?” He brushes his thumb across the ring on my finger. “Because we can do that, too.” With one swift movement, he slides his palm down my side, grips my hip, and spins me around. Pushing down on my lower back, he presses up against me as I grip onto the counter for support.
“It’s really up to you.” His breath caresses my ear before he draws his mouth away to nibble on my earlobe.
I shudder and his chest collides against my back as he laughs. “Of course if we make love then the vibrator isn’t going to be much use,” he says.
“It’s a gift from Lila.”
“It looks fun.” His voice comes out gravelly.
“Fun for me or for you?” I joke.
His hair tickles the back of my neck as he leans his head against me, sucking in a slow breath. “Keep it up, pretty girl, and you’re going to get it.”
“Maybe that’s what I’m aiming for.” I bite my lip in anticipation, waiting for him to react.
He misses a beat and I feel him shift his hips. “I swear to God, you’re going to be the death of me.” His lips touch the back of my neck, feather soft, and then he rubs his hips against me, before stepping away and I turn around and we return to putting the groceries away.
I notice him glance at the closed journal on the table a couple of times, but he doesn’t say anything about it. Eventually, I decided to answer the question I know he wants to ask but isn’t going to because he knows it’s better for me to bring it up.
“I read some of it,” I admit as I stand on my tiptoes to put a can of beans on the top shelf.
“And how was it?” he casually asks as he rummages through the last bag of food.
I hop up onto the counter, letting my legs dangle over the side. “Intense.”
“How so?”
I shrug. “Her thoughts were just dark and I found out that she was pregnant with Dean when she decided to marry my dad.”
He positions himself in front of me and urges my legs open so he can step in between them. “Really?”
I nod, pressing my knees against his side. “And she was scared.”
“Of being a mom?” His hands clamp down on my thighs.
“And having a future.” Tears sting at my eyes. The words are striking a nerve. A painful, aching nerve, buried deep inside my heart. I massage my hand over my chest, trying to get the crushing pain out.
Sensing my panic, Micha quickly wraps his arms around me. The second I’m in his arms, I feel better, lighter. He hugs me as I breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I bury my face in his chest and he supports my weight like he always does. Always.
“Are you really sure you want this for the rest of your life?” I mutter against his chest.
“More than anything, Ella May.” He kisses the top of my head. “I’ve known that since the day we met.”