It’s too much for one Pilot to handle.
Once again, I’ve been lucky. The least I can do is stick around. It’s the people like Lei whom I really admire. They know they’re not immune but they stay anyway so they can help the patients.
I move through the rest of the patients, all the way to the last bed, where Patient 100 draws in ragged, wet breaths. I try not to think too much about how the cure might have caused the mutation, or about where my family or Cassia might be. I’ve already failed them. But I can’t fail these hundred.
I don’t see Lei in the courtyard when I’m finished, so I break protocol and look in the sleeproom. She’s not there either.
She wouldn’t have run away. So where is she?
As I pass the darkened cafeteria, I see a flicker of light. The port is on. Who could be inside? Is the Pilot speaking to us? Usually, when he does, they have us watch on one of the larger screens. I open the door to the cafeteria and see Lei silhouetted against the port. When I get a little closer I see that she’s going through the Hundred Paintings.
I’m about to say something but then I stop myself and watch her for a second. I’ve never seen anyone look at the paintings the way she does. She leans forward. She takes a few steps back.
Then she pulls up a painting, and I hear her draw in her breath as she puts her hand right on the screen. She stays there looking at it so long that I clear my throat. Lei whirls around. I can barely see her face in the reflected light from the port.
“Still having trouble sleeping?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says. “This is the best remedy I’ve found. I try to picture the scenes again in my mind when I’m lying down.”
“You’re taking your time with them,” I say, trying to joke with her. “You’d think you hadn’t seen the paintings before.”
For a moment, I feel like she’s about to tell me something. Then: “Not this one,” she says, moving aside so I can see the screen.
“It’s number Ninety-Seven,” I say. The painting shows a girl in a white dress and a lot of light and water.
“I suppose I didn’t notice it until now,” Lei says, and her voice sounds final, like a door shutting tight. I don’t know what I said wrong. For some reason I’m desperate to open that door back up. I talk to everyone here, all the time, patient and medic and nurse, but Lei’s different. She and I worked together before we came in.
“What do you like about it?” I ask, trying to get her to keep talking. “I like how you can’t tell if she’s in the water or on the shore. But what’s she doing? I’ve never been able to figure it out.”
“She’s fishing,” Lei says. “That’s a net she’s holding.”
“Has she caught anything?” I ask, looking closer.
“It’s hard to say,” Lei tells me.
“So that’s why you like it,” I say, remembering Lei’s story about the fish that come back to the river in Camas. “Because of the fish.”
“Yes,” Lei says. “And because of this.” She touches a little patch of white at the top of the picture. “Is it a boat? The reflection of the sun? And here,” she says, pointing to darker spots on the painting. “We don’t know what’s casting these shadows. There are things going on outside the edges. It leaves you with a sense of something you can’t see.”
I think I understand. “Like the Pilot,” I say.
“No,” she says.
In the distance, we hear screaming and calling out. A fighter ship whirs overhead.
“What’s going on out there?” Lei asks.
“I think it’s the same as usual,” I tell her. “People outside the barricade wanting to come in.” The orange light of bonfires on the other side of the walls looks eerie, but it isn’t new. “I don’t know how much longer the officers can hold them.”
“They wouldn’t want in if they knew what it looked like,” she says.
Now that my eyes have adjusted to the light, I can see that Lei’s fatigue is actual pain. Her face has a drawn look, and her words, usually so light, sound heavy.
She’s getting sick.
“Lei,” I say. I almost reach out and take her by the elbow to guide her from the cafeteria, but I’m not sure how she’d feel about the gesture. She holds my gaze for a moment. Then, slowly, she turns away from me and lifts up her shirt. Red lines run around her back.
“You don’t have to say it,” she says. She tucks her shirt back in and turns around. “I already know.”
“We should get you hooked up to one of the nutrient bags,” I say. “Right now.” Thoughts race through my mind. You shouldn’t have stayed, you should have left like the others did until we knew we had something that worked—
“I don’t want to lie down,” Lei says.
“Come with me,” I tell her, and this time I do take her arm. I feel the warmth of her skin through her sleeve.
“Where are we going?” she asks me.
“To the courtyard,” I say. “You can sit on a bench while I go get a line and a nutrient bag.” This way, she won’t have to be inside when she goes down. She can stay outside as long as possible.
She looks at me with her exhausted, beautiful eyes. “Hurry,” she says. “I don’t want to be alone when it happens.”
When I return with the equipment, Lei waits in the courtyard with her shoulders slumped in exhaustion. It’s strange to see her with less-than-perfect posture. She holds out her arm and I slide the needle in.
The fluid begins to drip. I sit down next to her, holding the bag higher than her arm so that the line keeps running.
“Tell me a story,” she says. “I need to hear something.”
“Which one of the Hundred would you like?” I ask. “I remember most of them.”