If I can spend more time with her, I know she’ll eventually piss me off, and whatever this is that I’m feeling will go away. Then I can get back to being the fucking asshole everyone knows and loves.
She answers on the third ring. “Hello?”
“Hey. It’s me,” I reply.
“I’m glad you told her,” she says instantly.
I let out a heavy sigh, relived she doesn’t think I’m a total dick. “I had to. It was eating away at me.”
“Why? Because you didn’t like Lanie being wronged?”
I shake my head. “That’s part of it, but mainly it’s because I think Noel is a gigantic douche.”
“I thought you were friends?”
I laugh bitterly. “Definitely not friends.”
“But you guys got along pretty well when I was there.” I can hear the question in her voice. She wants the details about our beef.
“The girl Noel knocked up was sort-of my girlfriend.”
She gasps. “Oh, Zach. I’m so sorry. No wonder you’re pissed. You have every right to be. Were you with her long?”
“No, not long at all. We weren’t even that serious, really. She was just a chick I kept around to…” I trail off. What will she think of me if I tell her Sophie was a random groupie that didn’t annoy me too much, so I kept her around as my fuck-buddy for a couple months? She’ll probably think less of me than she already does knowing I use women that way.
“Say no more. I get it. Regardless of what she was to you, Noel overstepped his bounds. I’d be livid if my friend did that to me.” I tilt my head. She gets it. She’s even saying my anger at him is acceptable.
“It’s so nice for someone to be okay with me being pissed at him for a change.”
“You mean the twins are okay with what he did to you?”
I shrug. “They aren’t exactly okay with it, but they do think I need to let it go for the sake of the band.”
She sighs into the phone. “You shouldn’t allow anyone to walk all over you, Zach. You’re too good of a person for that.”
I raise my eyebrows. “No one’s ever called me that before.”
“What’s that, good?”
“Yeah, asshole, dick, sure, I get those a lot, but never good. Most people end up hating me.”
“You don’t let them see the caring side of you that I know is in there.”
“What makes you think I have a caring side?”
“Because I’ve seen it. The way you were with me…it was nice. I like Zach more than I like Riff.”
I close my eyes. I should’ve never let my guard down with her. She shouldn’t feel this way about me. I’m not a good person.
“You still there?”
I nod, knowing full well she can’t see me, but I can’t bring myself to say anything. My chest squeezes knowing Kitten doesn’t think I’m an evil bastard. This is so not good. It only makes me want her more. Turns out she’s too good of a distraction from the hellhole that is my life. She’s actually allowing me to believe there’s hope for me, and hope is a dangerous thing to a rotten human being like me.
It’s in that moment I decide I’m going to have her. I don’t care what she said about being friends. I like how I feel with her. I’m a better person with her.
I’m going to have to make her see she wants me, too.
“So, tell me about this date you were on last night,” I ask to totally change the subject off my less desirable qualities.
“It was okay. Nothing big—drinks with a friend.”
I arch my pierced eyebrow. “Is he your friend like I’m your friend?”
She laughs. “Definitely not. At least not yet, anyhow.”
Relief washes through me. I knew she wasn’t like that with everyone. There’s something about me that pulls her in and I need to figure out what it is.
“So you’re saying you don’t tie him up and visit sex shops with him yet? How did we move to that place so quickly? You used me for my body, didn’t you?”
“And you didn’t use me for mine?” She tries to be stern, but I can hear the smile in her voice.
“I will admit your tits are amazing.”
“See!” she exclaims. “I knew it!”
I laugh. “Well it’s not just your tits that I like.”
“Your ass is pretty great, too.”
“Uh-huh. I told you.”
Looks like it’s time to admit something real if I want her to take me seriously. “I also like your sense of humor, and you’re cute as hell when you’re feisty. And I like being with you.”
“I like being with you, too…which is a problem.”
“Only if you let it be. I like having fun with you.”
She sighs. “Zach, I explained this in the bar. Our weekend together was great, probably one of the best times I’ve ever had with a man, but that kind of magic can’t last. Soon, reality will set in. You’ll be on the road. I’ll be here in New York. Things will get complicated and this nice friendship we have now will be ruined.”
The thought of what it’d be like being her friend crosses my mind. If by some miracle of God Lanie and Noel end up working things out, Aubrey will be around from time to time. I don’t think I can handle seeing her, knowing that she’s the one person who believes I’m a good person, while she’s with someone else. I won’t be able to deal. It’ll drive me even crazier than I am right now.