“What are you talking about? He loved you.”
“Is that what he told you?” Carrie says, frowning. I scan my memory, but now that I think about it, I don’t remember him ever saying anything about loving Carrie. But he seemed so happy with her! “No, he never told me that in so many words, but I’m sure he does.”
She nods, biting her lip and examining her fingernails. “I can’t be with him if he’s in love with someone else.”
“Who?” I exclaim.
“You don’t know?” Carrie says slowly.
I shake my head.
“Think about it. You’l figure it out.” She raises her eyebrows, letting me get a good long look at the tears in her eyes, and walks away. Wow, my first attempt at girl talk was pretty shitty considering I made Carrie cry girl talk was pretty shitty considering I made Carrie cry and al . What sucks? I actual y liked talking to her about Ty.
Wil she ever want to talk to me again?
But what was Carrie talking about? Who’s Henry in love with? If he’s in love, he would tel me. He definitely would tel me.
And then I realize who she is.
Me.
All those nights of sharing a bed
All those times he put an arm around me
All the things he’s done to make me happy
…encouraging me to give Ty a chance
He must really love me if he’ll watch me date another guy just to ensure I’m happy
But he’s like my brother
And Ty is my boyfriend now
My dream boyfriend
The guy I just lost my virginity to
What’s scary?
I’m so hot for Ty
but Henry makes me feel whole
in a totally different sort of way
even if I’ve never considered jumping him
Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck
I gave Ty a ride home. Now we’re sitting in my truck in his driveway, making out, but al I can think about is Henry. No, it’s not like I’m pretending to make out with Henry while kissing Ty; it’s that I’m wondering why he never told me about his feelings. Why didn’t anyone tel me until after I got my first real boyfriend?
“Ty?” I mumble.
“Yeah?” he says, running his lips on my neck. It feels amazing. He goes up my shirt, and instead of losing myself in Ty, my mind wanders back to Henry again.
“I’ve gotta go over to Henry’s house for a little while, but can I come back over here afterward?”
“Why do you have to go?” He crawls on top of me and pul s on the lever that makes the seat lean back. There’s a cracking sound, and we fal back along with the seat, laughing. I kiss him again.
“I’m worried about Henry,” I say.
“Why? Is everything okay?” He runs his hand over my hair. His eyes are so blue…I love them. I remember when I thought I would drown in them, but then I suddenly start thinking of Henry’s green eyes.
“He left practice without saying anything today and that’s weird, and he didn’t pick up his phone when I cal ed.”
“Can I go with you?”
“It’s okay—I can go by myself.”
Ty grabs my hand and squeezes it hard. “I’d feel better if I could go along.”
I pul my hand from his grip. “Why?”
“I like knowing where you are.”
“I’l have my cel .”
“I’l go along, and I’l just wait outside for you.”
“Ty, I’m ful y capable of driving myself to my friend’s house.”
“Fine,” Ty says, kissing my forehead. He crawls off me and climbs out the driver’s side door. Then he sticks his head back in the window and kisses me again. “Don’t stay gone too long. If you’re not back here in two hours, I’m coming after you with a search party.”
“Deal,” I say.
“Listen,” Ty says, shoving his hair off his forehead,
“I’m so sorry about yesterday…at dinner.”
One big difference between Ty and Henry is that Henry wil always say what he thinks when he thinks it, but Ty always comes back to apologize later.
“Whatever,” I say.
“No, not whatever. After you left, I was so angry, I explained my entire situation to your parents and let them know I just want to play footbal and hang out with you, but I’m not going to take your position away from you.” Ty strokes my jaw with a fingertip.
“What did my parents say?”
“Your dad seemed furious about the wreck, and your mom seemed sad. She offered to pay for my mom’s care, but I refused it.”
I love my mom. She acts so selfless. “Why did you refuse?”
“I don’t need handouts, Woods. I just need to work hard and stay organized. But I do need a great girlfriend.” He kisses me again, but my body doesn’t melt or turn to rubber.
Is Ty right for me?
Before I go to Henry’s trailer, I cal Mike on my cel. When he answers, I yel , “Crisis major!”
“Calm down, Jordan. What’s goin’ on? Is Dad acting like an asshole?”
“No.”
“Is it Ty?”
“Uh…no. Wel , sort of.”
“I heard you guys are dating.”
“From who?”
“JJ cal ed me. And Mom thinks you’re dating him, even if you haven’t told her yet. She’s hurt you didn’t mention it.”
“I’l tel her later.”
“So what’s this major crisis?”
“Carrie Myer just told me that Henry’s in love with me!” I only hear silence coming from the phone.
“Mike?”
“Well , duh. Didn’t you know?”
“What the hel are you talking about?” I say, sighing.
“Jordan, he’s loved you forever. It’s obvious. Have you not seen how he stares at you?”
“No…he’s just…Henry.”
“Mom and I always thought you knew but weren’t interested. Do you honestly think Mom and Dad would let him spend the night at our house if they thought you were into him?”
“No, I didn’t know.” I’m shocked; this feels crazy. How could I not have noticed? I thought we were just friends, that this is how our friendship is—very touchy-feely and supportive. My friendships with JJ and Carter are different, because they aren’t emotional. They aren’t like Henry, who’s ful of love and loyalty and sweetness. God, I sound like a girl.
“So,” Mike says, “now that you know, what are you going to do? Do you like him at al ?”
“I’m not sure.”
“He’s a great guy, Jor, and a great friend. Don’t mess with his heart. You have to be up-front with him.”
“I wil . I’m going to see him right now.”
“Cal me after, okay?”
“’Kay,” I reply. Then I bang my head on the steering wheel.
I ring the doorbel, and Henry’s youngest sister, who’s only four, opens the door. When she sees it’s me, she yel s, “Jordan!” and grabs my leg. Mrs. Henry smiles and after detaching her daughter from me, she gives me a hug and smooths my hair. I always get the feeling she’s dying to grab a hairbrush and a curling iron and give me a makeover.
“What’s up, Mrs. H.? Where is he?” I say, waving at his other sister, who’s twelve.
“In his room. I don’t think he’s feeling wel .” She stares down the hal way; her face is a shadow of concern and sadness. I know she and her husband do their best for their kids, but it’s definitely been tough for Henry, what with me and Carter, two rich kids of NFL
players, for best friends.
Without another word, I go to his room and stand outside the door. I have no idea what I’m going to say, or how to find out if he’s actual y in love with me. How long has this been going on anyway?
Final y, I decide to go in. I knock, open the door, and find him lying facedown. It’s like his head is being swal owed by the pil ow. He turns to face me and his blond curls flop al over the place.
“Yo, Woods,” he says, rol ing over to make room for me on his twin bed. It’s tight quarters for two buff footbal players, both over six feet tal . I have no idea what I’m doing, but I lie down next to him and examine al the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to his ceiling. I cough. “Sam?”
“Yeah?” He rol s over, propping himself up on an elbow, and focuses on my face. Usual y when he does this, I think it’s sweet and friendly, but today when he does it, it kind of makes me al warm, al over my body. His gorgeous green eyes bore into mine, and a curl swings back and forth across his forehead, and I reach up and brush it away. I let my fingertips linger on his temple. He narrows his eyes, then lies down on his back again.
“So how’d things go with Ty last night?” Henry asks.
“Things are fine. I guess we’re dating now.”
“Cool—I’m glad you’re cutting loose, Woods.”
I swal ow. “Um, so I had a talk with Carrie today after school.”
“Oh?” He runs a hand through his hair, then props himself up on an elbow again.
“Why did you never tel me?”
“Tel you what?”
“You know…why you and Carrie broke up.”
Fal ing back down onto his pil ow, he rubs his eyes.
“What did she tel you?”
“She told me she’s stil in love with you, and then I about punched her lights out for hurting you, but then she told me she couldn’t be with you…because you’re in love…with, um, someone else?”
“I’d say that’s about right,” he whispers. He rol s over to face the wal . “I can’t believe she fucking told you that.”
“Well , maybe she said that so I wouldn’t beat her up.”
Henry laughs lightly. “Yeah. Good point.”
I rol over and prop myself up on an elbow, looking down at him over his shoulder. “You haven’t answered my question. Why did you never tel me?”
He glances in my eyes for a second, then shuts his He glances in my eyes for a second, then shuts his own. “It would’ve changed everything, Woods. And I don’t want anything to change.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
I have no idea what I’m doing, but I have this overwhelming urge to hold him, so I curl up against him, spooning him. It’s weird, because part of me feels so right right now. The other part wants to be with Ty. I wish Carrie had never told me about why they broke up, because now? I keep thinking about the barrier between Henry and me, the barrier that can’t be crossed, the barrier I never even thought about. Something is stirring inside me. Have I loved him, as more than a friend, al along?
What the hel is wrong with me? I’m used to knowing what’s best for me. I guess it’s a big decision. Choosing whether to take it to the next level. But it wasn’t that hard to decide with Ty. I wanted him, so we did it. It’s not so simple with Henry, with someone who has fil ed ten years of my life.
And what about Ty? He’s sexier than Tom Brady, but he’s no Henry.
When I’m nestled in tight, Henry flips over, takes his arm out from between us and puts it around my shoulders, squeezing me to him. I rest my chin on his chest and find his eyes, taking everything in.
