"This is different." He shook enough salt over the meat to preserve it into the next generation. Pepper and garlic powder followed, so thick they practically obliterated the juicy T-bones.
"You said it was important there be no pretense between us," she pressed. "And you’re right."
"Damn it, Lindy. Just what the hell do you want from me?" He remained hunched over the barbecue, refusing to meet her eyes. "Do you want me to tell you I find you attractive? Fine. You turn me on. I hope to hell you’re satisfied now."
She couldn’t have stopped the spontaneous smile that joyously sprang over her face had their lives depended on it. Just knowing Rush was attracted to her gave Lindy a giddy sense of power.
"I find you appealing, too," she admitted, having trouble keeping the elation out of her voice. Actually that was a gross understatement. She was drawn to Rush the way a thirsty flower is to rain.
"Well, you shouldn’t, because…" he paused and forcefully exhaled a breath, looking both angry and confused.
Lindy’s heart thudded expectantly. "Why not? Is it so wrong?"
Rush rose slowly to his feet then, faced her and placed his hands on her shoulders in a brotherly fashion, his eyes clear. Determined.
"Lindy, listen to me. You’ve been badly hurt recently. Devastated by a man you loved and trusted, and now everything seems to have turned around. You’ve got a reason to be happy, to celebrate. But my being here is much too convenient. It’s only natural that you feel attracted to me, living at close quarters the way we do. You’re a young, passionate woman, filled with the love of life and… you’re excited now. I don’t blame you, especially after everything you’ve been through. Your pride suffered a major setback not so long ago, and here I am like a savior, the means of salvaging it all."
"Rush… no."
"But Lindy," he continued, unwilling to let her cut him off, "you’re too vulnerable right now. The attraction you feel toward me is only natural under the circumstances. But you’ve got to understand something important here. Given the same situation, you’d experience these identical emotions toward any healthy, red-blooded male. It’s not really me who appeals to you, it’s the thought of another close relationship."
"You can’t honestly believe that. Why, that’s ridiculous, Rush Callaghan."
"No, it isn’t. Think about it, Lindy. Think hard. You want a man tonight." His voice was rough with intensity. "I can understand your feelings, sympathize with what’s happened to you, but making love wouldn’t be right. I’m not the one for this, and I refuse to take advantage of you. Find someone else to build your ego."
"I find that insulting," she told him earnestly, but without anger. She had thought he might try to avoid her by starting an argument, and she refused to swallow the bait, no matter how much he irritated her.
"I’m not saying this to offend you. You’re the one who insisted upon honesty. You got it." He returned to the steaks, as calmly as if they’d been discussing something as mundane as stock prices or the outcome of a baseball game.
"You’re making this difficult," she said next.
"I plan to make it impossible."
"Honestly, Rush. Would you stop handling me with kid gloves? I’m a woman."
"Honey, that’s one thing you won’t find me arguing about." His words were followed by a harsh chuckle. "Now, come on. Be a good little girl and eat your steak."
* * *
The dishwasher was whirling softly in the background when Lindy reached for the telephone a couple of hours later. As soon as their meal had been completed, Rush had left her without so much as a word to tell her where he was going or when he intended to come back. The bloody coward!
"Hi, Mom," Lindy said when her mother picked up the receiver on the third ring.
"Lindy, sweetheart, is everything all right?"
"It’s wonderful. I got a job with Boeing and start first thing in the morning."
"That’s terrific."
Lindy could hear the relief in her mother’s voice, and smiled, remembering again how great she’d felt when the personnel director had offered her the job.
"Sweetheart, I couldn’t be more pleased. I knew everything would work out, given time."
"I have more good news."
"More?" her mother said, and laughed softly.
"I’ve met someone."
"You have?" The question was followed by a brief, strained silence. "Isn’t this rather sudden?"
Lindy could all but hear the excitement drain out of Grace Kyle’s voice to be replaced by weary doubt. "Now, before you say anything, let me tell you something about him. He’s wonderful, Mom, really wonderful. He’s helped me so much, I can’t even begin to tell you everything he’s done for me. He’s a good, kind person. Honorable."
"Oh, Lindy," her mother said with a sigh, "do be careful."
"I will, Mom. I promise." The comedy of the situation struck her then, and she started to giggle.
"What’s so funny?" Her mother obviously hadn’t stopped to think things through.
"Mom, I’m twenty-two years old and when I told you that I’d met someone, you said I should be careful, like I was seven years old again and about to cross a busy street alone for the first time."
"But, Lindy, you’re hardly over – " Grace paused and exhaled a disgusted, uneven breath. "I refuse to even mention his name."
"Paul." Lindy said it for her. "He can’t hurt me anymore. I refuse to let him."
"That’s nice, sweetheart. Now tell me – where did you meet this young man you think so highly of?"
Lindy gnawed on her lower lip. Explaining her living arrangements to her mother would surely be cause for concern, but Lindy wasn’t in the habit of lying. "I met him a few days after I arrived in Seattle."
"Oh. And what’s his family like?"
"Mom, we’ve only known each other a little while. I haven’t met his family."
"But I think you should find out about them, don’t you?"
"I suppose. In time. Listen, Mom, I just wanted to call and let you know that everything is going terrific. I’ve got a good job and I couldn’t be happier. Really."
"I’m so pleased for you."
"I know. I feel good about everything, and I don’t want you to worry about me anymore because nothing’s going to hold me down again."
"I knew you’d find your footing, given time."
"I have, Mom."
"Goodbye, sweetheart."
"Bye, Mom. Give my love to Dad."
"I will."
Lindy thought she heard a trace of tears in her mother’s soft voice when she replaced the receiver. She was surprised to note there was a hint in her own.
With Rush gone, the apartment felt like an empty tomb and the evening dragged by. Lindy watched television for a while, worked a crossword puzzle and added an extra coat of pink polish to her nails. By eleven she was tired and ready to give up her vigil. Rush had been determined to get away from her, to leave her alone to recognize the foolishness of her actions. She knew what he was thinking as clearly as if he’d announced his intentions. Only it hadn’t worked. If anything, Lindy was more determined than ever to get him to face the truth of what was happening between them.
Discouraged, she undressed and climbed between the cool sheets. But sleep wouldn’t come. Instead all she could think about was how good it had felt to be in Rush’s arms. How good and how remarkably right.
She recognized there was some validity to what he’d claimed. But he was wrong to think she was using him. The feelings she had for Rush had absolutely nothing to do with what had happened with Paul. The attraction she felt for Rush was because of who he was. She’d meant every word she’d said to her mother. Rush Callaghan was an honorable man, and there seemed to be few enough of them left.
Rush had given her a priceless gift. Her freedom. His patience and tenderness had released her from the shackles of pain and remorse. He’d held her hand and shown her the way out of the dark shadows. He’d led her gently into the warm healing glow of a summer sun.
If he were with her now, discussing matters the way he should be, Lindy knew exactly what he’d say to her. He’d tell her she was grateful. She was, but it was far more than gratitude she felt toward Rush. He’d taken her wounded heart and breathed new life into it. He’d let her feel again when her every nerve ending had been numb, and her very existence had seemed pointless.
She couldn’t stop thinking about how perfect she’d felt in his arms, her breasts flattened against his broad chest, her nipples hard and erect. Just the memory was enough to stir her senses back to life. That brief time with Rush had produced an incredible range of new awarenesses. His kiss had been warm and tender, his lips lingering over hers as though this moment and place were out of time and meant for them alone.
His tender touch had brought with it the sweetest, most terrible yearning to be loved by him. Completely. Totally. Lindy didn’t need anyone to tell her that when Rush Callaghan gave his heart to a woman, she would be the most incredibly fortunate female alive.
Lindy had just begun to scratch the surface of his multifaceted personality. Over the years, Rush had built several thick protective layers around himself, and Lindy had only managed to peel away the top few, to gain a peek inside. But she believed with all her heart that underneath he was sensitive and strong, daring and bold, and yet in some ways almost shy.
In time, Rush would realize she knew her own mind – and her own heart. In no way was she rebounding from Paul. Her former fiancé had actually done her a big favor, although it had been difficult to recognize it at the time. Paul was weak. Blinded by her love, she hadn’t seen it before. Paul didn’t possess the principles Rush did, either. Rush, on the other hand, was noble, reliable and completely trustworthy. Lindy would stake her life on it. Her judgment had been poor once, but she’d learned something from Paul, and although the lesson had been bitterly painful, she’d been an apt student. She knew an honorable man when she saw one. And Rush Callaghan fit her definition to a T.
Still awake at midnight, Lindy bunched her pillow in half and rolled onto her stomach. She might as well climb out of bed and wait for him as toss and turn all night. She’d no sooner made the decision to get up when she heard the front door open.
Relieved, Lindy smiled and eagerly threw aside the blankets. She slipped her arms into the sleeves of her robe and headed out her bedroom door, impatient to talk to him.
Rush was just coming down the hallway.
"You’re home," she greeted, not even trying to disguise her pleasure. It wasn’t one of her most brilliant statements, but she didn’t care.
He grumbled something that she couldn’t make sense of.
"You didn’t need to leave, you know."
