Because he couldn't forgive himself. He stumbled to a stop. What a fool he'd been. Why had he longed all these years for Li Lei's forgiveness? The fact that she'd come back for him meant she still loved him. Her love had spanned the centuries to find him.
She had been the one to keep the vow. She'd found him. And she'd always forgiven him. Always loved him.
Would Leah do the same? Would she find him again? Would she cling to her love for him no matter what?
Tears burned his eyes. He didn't deserve such devotion. But he wouldn't let his shame and regret get in the way. Somehow, he would move forward. Forgive himself. And beg Leah to take him back.
With a groan, Leah gave up. She'd been trying for ten minutes to remember, but it was only giving her a headache.
She crunched across the rocky shore and climbed the steps to the school. Was the mystery man still inside? She could track him down, but he'd probably just run away. Or teleport away. And never come back.
Inside the foyer, Briathos was standing. He inclined his head. "May I be of service?"
"No, I'm fine. Thank you." She wandered back to her dorm to take off her coat, hat, and gloves. If she was going to piece together this jigsaw puzzle, she would need more pieces. More clues. Her gaze fell to her suitcase under the bed. There had been several clues there. Maybe she'd find more.
She squatted down to pull it out, when something caught her eye. A piece of paper sticking out just a tiny bit from underneath her mattress. She pulled it out, and sitting on her bed, she unfolded it to read it.
Dear Leah,
I know I frighten you, but I pray you will give me a chance. I know my chance is small, for you are so clever and beautiful. How could I ever be worthy of you?
You are a treasure to behold, a sweet melody to my ears.
You shine light into my dark nights and bring warmth to my cold heart.
You fill me with hope that all things are possible, even an eternity of love.
Dougal
Tears filled her eyes. A terrible longing welled up in her chest, and she cried out. He had loved her. And she had loved him. Dougal.
How could she have lost him?
It was him. The mystery man. It had to be him. Dougal.
She read the note again, her tears falling down on the paper.
What had happened? Why were they apart? Why couldn't she remember?
Her skin chilled with a sudden thought. Why didn't other people remember?
She stood, clasping the note to her chest. Other people had to know. Nothing was private around here.
Wiping her face dry, she marched down the hall to the lab. Abby would know. But if she knew, why was she keeping it a secret?
"May I be of service?" Briathos asked as she passed by.
"I'm fi - " She halted. Why did she keep lying to an angel? She wasn't fine. Her eyes burned with more tears.
She turned to look at him. "What kind of service can you do?"
He regarded her sadly. "Dear soul, what is it you need?"
A tear fell down her cheek. "I need to remember."
Chapter Thirty-four
Leah approached the angel. "Can you help me?"
"Yes." Briathos watched her intently. "But I must warn you. The good memories you seek will not come alone. There will be others that will cause you great pain. You cannot have the good without the bad."
Another tear rolled down her face, and she clutched Dougal's note tightly to her chest. "I'll do it."
A flicker of light made her blink, then she realized another angel had joined them. "Bunny."
Buniel smiled. "You remember me."
She nodded. "You healed my ankle."
"She wishes to have her memory restored," Briathos announced.
Buniel's smile faded. "Are you sure? Some of your memories will be painful."
She swallowed hard. "I understand. I'm ready."
Buniel rested a hand on her brow, then stepped back. "It is done."
She blinked. "But I don't remember anything."
"The memories are there. You must find the key to unlock them."
"The key?" She gave Buniel an exasperated look. "What key?"
"Look into your heart," Buniel replied.
She groaned. Why did the angels have to work in such mysterious ways? She glanced down at her chest, where she was still clutching the note from Dougal.
Her heart swelled with longing. She needed him. He had her heart. "Is Dougal the key?" When she found him, would she remember everything?
She dashed down the hall to the lab. "Where is Dougal?"
Abby gasped.
Gregori put a protective arm around his wife. "Do you remember him, Leah?"
"I'll remember everything if I can just see him. Where is he?"
Gregori winced. "This is not a good time."
"He's in Tiger Town," Laszlo said.
"Laszlo." Abby gave him a look of warning.
"I will not continue with this lie." Laszlo stood, pushing back his stool. "They belong together. It was meant to be."
Mina gazed up at him with wonder in her eyes. "You're so brave, Laser."
"I need one of you Vamps to take me to Tiger Town," Leah insisted.
Gregori winced again. "They're having a memorial service tonight. It would be bad form for you to show up. Given the circumstances."
What circumstances? "I need to see Dougal!"
"We will take you," Briathos said behind her.
She started. "Y-you can teleport me?"
Buniel smiled. "Put your coat on. It's cold outside."
She headed down the hall, then stopped, glancing back. Buniel was wearing a white hooded robe, and Briathos was dressed in his usual attire - pants and sleeveless tunic topped with a breastplate. "Don't you guys get cold?"
Buniel shook his head, smiling.
Briathos frowned. "We are not of this world."
"Right." Like that explained anything. She ran to her dorm, threw on her coat, hat, and gloves, then dashed back to the foyer, where the angels were waiting.
Abby was standing nearby with her husband. "Be careful." Her eyes glistened with tears. "And if you remember everything, try not to be angry. We were worried about you."
"I'll be fine." Leah gave Abby a hug. "Thank you for being a good friend."
Abby sniffed. "Go on. You're going to make me cry."
Leah's eyes misted with tears, and she faced the angels. "How do we do this?"
Buniel wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Simple."
A flash of light blinded her for a second, and she stumbled. Buniel steadied her.
She looked around. They were in an alley between two stone walls.
"This way." Briathos motioned for her and Buniel to follow. "Remain quiet. They're having a memorial service."
He led them around a small house built in the Chinese style, then up onto a covered porch where they would remain hidden in shadow. Before them stretched a stone courtyard, filled with people sitting on mats woven from reeds.
These had to be the were-tigers, Leah thought. They were all facing the palace, their hands pressed together at their chests while they prayed. Who was the memorial service for?
Two men emerged from the palace and descended the steps to the courtyard. One she recognized as Rajiv, though he was dressed much fancier than she'd ever seen. The other was the mystery man. He was dressed in a kilt and was carrying Uilleann pipes.
And nothing happened. No memories. Wasn't he Dougal?
She turned to the angels. "What's wrong? Why don't I remember?"
"All will be revealed in due course," Briathos said.
She frowned at him. "What the heck does that mean?"
His mouth twitched. "You two are well suited."
"Patience, grasshopper." Buniel motioned for her to sit beside him.
She sat beside the Healer, while Briathos remained stiffly erect.
The mystery man sat on the steps and began to play his pipes. The plaintive sound filled the courtyard. A beautiful, sad song.
A flash shot through her mind. She'd heard that song before. Dougal had played it on the grounds at Romatech. More flashes zoomed by. Her initial attraction. Stealing into the basement at the townhouse to look at him. Their trip to the Empire State Building. Their first kiss. His trip to the hair salon, and her confession. More kissing in the gazebo. The trip to Scotland. The heather he gave her. Their sporrans hooked together. Their lovemaking in her apartment.
"I remember," she whispered. She remembered everything. The teasing, the longing, the joy.
The sad song swelled, louder and more poignant, as if Dougal was pouring all his emotion into it. And then the bad memories poured in. The kidnapping. The terror. The demon bite.
The murder.
With a gasp, she doubled over. Oh God, no. The memorial service was for the Grand Tiger. And she'd killed him. A sob choked in her throat.
Buniel patted her on the back. "I know, dear soul. It's bad."
"H-how do I live with this?"
"There is no cure for this kind of pain," Buniel said sadly. "You cannot have the joy without the pain."
Tears ran down her cheeks. "Why?"
"As long as evil exists, there will be pain," Briathos muttered.
"But we can give you some comfort." Buniel wrapped an arm around her and squeezed.
An instant wave of peace swept through her. "Thank you." The pain was still there, but dulled a little.
"Come on, big guy." Buniel waved Briathos over. "Help me out."
Briathos shifted his weight. "I'm not a Healer."
"You're still an angel. Come on." Buniel motioned for him to move closer.
Briathos inched over and awkwardly patted Leah on the head. "There, there, dear soul."
Another wave of comfort trickled through her. "Thank you."
Briathos eased back, frowning.
Then suddenly a flood of love washed over her. Her heart stilled, stunned by the power. It gave her strength. Strength to endure. And hope. Hope that she could live with the pain. And wisdom. The assurance that the Heavenly Father still loved her and forgave her. And if the Father could forgive her, surely she should forgive herself.
She gazed at Buniel in wonder. "Did you do that?"
He smiled with tears in his eyes. "That was Josephine. She loves you greatly."
Leah smiled back, more tears running down her face. "Thank you, Josephine." She wiped her face. She could do this. She could move forward with her life. Loving Dougal and fighting evil.
The music continued, so sad and sweet. "His music was the key."
Buniel nodded. "It was his music that originally connected your souls. Close your eyes and listen. There's more to remember."
She let the music envelop her, and more flashes flitted through her mind. She was sitting outside a slave's hut, listening to him play. Night after night, she listened to his music. Then she was running with him to the harbor. The sun was bright, glistening off the waves. And Dougal was young. A bit thinner. But his eyes were the same. He looked at her with so much love.
He didn't want to leave her. He wanted her to run away with him and live with him forever.
And she refused.
The last tearful good-bye and his parting vow. I will find you. No matter what. If it takes a thousand years, I will find you.
Leah opened her eyes. She was Li Lei. She'd always loved Dougal. And she'd found him again.
Dougal finished his music and moved quietly across the courtyard.
"Come." Briathos motioned for her to follow, and he led her back to the stone alley. "He will pass this way."
"Call me if you need me." Buniel gave her a hug, then vanished.
She turned to Briathos. "You were trying to help me for days, weren't you?"
He inclined his head.
"Why did you want me to remember? Are you a romantic at heart?"
He looked taken aback. "Of course not. I'm a God Warrior. I do not indulge in such - " He cleared his throat. "Dougal stole your memories without your permission. He violated your free will. I wanted to set things right."
"I see." Leah smiled to herself. He was a romantic. "Well, thank you." She glanced at him, but he was gone.
Dougal crossed the courtyard, his heart aching. How had he managed to make such a mess of things? How could he live without Leah? How could he live with her? How could he explain to her what he'd done?
He turned into the alley and halted with a jerk. His pipes fell to the ground and let out a mournful cry.
"Leah?" Why was she here? Why was her face wet from tears, and her eyes red and swollen? "Y-ye remember?"
She nodded. "Yes." She glanced back at the guesthouse at the end of the alley. "We made love there, didn't we?"
His heart squeezed. "How . . . ?"
"The angels helped me." She fished a piece of paper out of her coat pocket. "And then there were clues. Like this love letter from a guy named Dougal. Apparently, we were very much in love, so it totally confounds me that you would erase that!" Her voice rose to a shout.
"I-I can explain." He winced inwardly. Could he?
She stuffed the note back into her pocket. "I don't know whether to hug you or slap you. We had a beautiful affair to remember, and you made me forget? How could you erase everything we went through?"
"I failed you. I failed to protect you. And I failed to convince you that I love you. Ye thought ye were a replacement. And ye were suffering so much. I couldna bear it. I was trying to save you."
She said nothing, just continued to watch him with tears glimmering in her eyes.