I looked over at her, and saw the authenticity in her eyes, the depth of her compassion. I couldn’t deny her that. I couldn’t tell her to stop her work just because I was irrationally and unsubstantially worried about her. Besides it wasn’t my place to be worried about her, she had made that abundantly clear.
“At least let me send a few of my Guard with you. It would make me feel so much better,” I offered and then knew I had to play a card I not only resented, but knew she would to. “Please, as your King, I need to know that all my people are as safe as they can be. I need you to be responsible.”
“Oh, I see. The King is worried about my safety,” Amelia nodded patronizingly. “And is this the same King that plans to hunt down Terletov himself?”
“Why yes it is,” I nodded, hoping to have made some progress with my side of the debate.
“How is that fair? You rule an entire Kingdom, but you’re allowed to put yourself right in the middle of the drama?” I opened my mouth to respond, but Amelia shook her head at me and continued with her rant. “What if something happened to you? How is hunting down bad guys responsible of you? I’m just attending a conference. You are putting yourself directly in the line of fire. If anyone needs to be surrounded by a bunch of Titan Guards it’s you, not me.”
“It might not be fair, but it’s the way things are. And because I rule an entire Kingdom, I’m the one that gets to make these decisions,” I argued, but when she looked at me like I was the biggest asshole on the planet I decided to explain further, to say out loud words I hadn’t even verbalized to Eden yet. “I have to go, Amelia. He’s threatening my people and the freedom I worked my ass off to give to these people,” I clarified with a passionate but infinitely softer voice. “I have been bombarded over the last eight hours with opinions on how foolish I am for going. Everyone loves to give me their opinion on what a king should do and how a king should act. But what they don’t understand is that the crown means nothing to me, less than nothing actually. It is the freedom that my people enjoy for the first time in thousands of years that keeps me where I‘m at, that made me give up my own personal freedom so that they feel safe. And I would give it all up, all of this wealth and power; I would sacrifice everything, even my own life if I needed to, just to ensure that they stay free.”
“Oh,” Amelia looked up at me with wide eyes and I realized that I stopped walking.
And that she stayed.
“Yes, the people need freedom, but they also need you Avalon,” she practically whispered and I felt her words burning in my core. She was right. But it was more complicated than that. “You’re their King. The first King in our history that has let them live their lives without governing each and every little detail.”
“That’s not true, they have Eden and Kiran,” I countered, searching her eyes for where her argument was coming from. Did she say these things because she actually cared about me? Or was she just compassionate enough to be tapped into the pulse of the Kingdom?
“They’re not the same and you know that. Besides they haven’t even been around these last few years. Why you? Why does it have to be you that goes?” She demanded.
And because her eyes had turned steely with her demands and her lips had pursed into a frown, because she wasn’t going to accept any kind of bullshit answer and because for the first time ever I wanted to be honest with a girl that wasn’t my sister, I was, I was completely honest.
“Because I’m afraid to stay,” I whispered, scared if I said it too loud even the trees would laugh at me.
“You? You’re afraid of something?” Amelia gasped, clearly disbelieving.
I laughed humorlessly, hardly believing I just admitted that out loud. But I was too far into this to stop now. “Yes! I’m terrified of staying here. I’m terrified that I’m going to live forever and at twenty-one years old I’m already bored to death! I don’t get to die. I have this whole future laid out for eternity and I’m terrified I am going to have to suffer through it bored and alone…. And I’m even more afraid that I’m addicted to this dangerous lifestyle and what that will mean for me if I really can keep my promise of peace. I have to go on this mission. I have to sort through all the bullshit in my head and find myself again. Because I cannot stay here any longer and endure this monotony while other people go and fight my battles.”
I finished with a huge breath of relief, exhaling all of the pent up craziness that had been stewing inside me for way to long.
Amelia just looked at me for a long time as if trying to figure out whether I was telling the truth or not. I could have promised her it was the most honest I had been in my entire life, but I decided to let her come to her own conclusions.
“They won’t understand that,” she answered sadly. “They won’t want you to go.”
I ignored her and asked my own question.
“What do you want, Amelia?” I looked down at her, silently demanding that her eyes meet mine. I was rewarded with an intense gaze that saw all the way through me. She had come to her own conclusions about me and for the first time since she walked back into my life I began to hope that whatever this was that I felt was not so one-sided.
“Avalon, you should not call me Amelia,” she practically begged. My eyes drifted to the sexy lines of her throat as she visibly swallowed.
I took a step closer to her, our bodies nearly touching. “What do you want, Amelia?” my voice dropped to a lower timber that rumbled in the air between us and not completely on purpose, but I was readying myself for a whole new kind of battle and I wanted to be as prepared as I could.
Instead of answering, she turned her head away from me and said, “Is it weird that coming back here is like coming home? I thought it would feel weird after…. everything, but I can’t help it. It’s like this place knows me better than I know myself.”
Her voice was light and meant to be distracting. And after she finished talking she moved like she was going to continue with our walk. But it was those words that made me reach out to her, those words that I had berated myself over countless times in the last three years. It was those words, spoken by her at this perfect moment that made me take her by the arm and pull her back to me.
I placed both of my hands on her arms like I was holding her in place, but my grip was loose so that if she wanted to walk away she could. I stared down at her and watched as her expression turned from surprise to confusion to dark with the same desire I felt heating my blood and spinning my mind.
Her lips parted as if she was going to talk me out of this, but my body was three steps ahead of my mind and I covered her mouth with mine before I could talk myself out of it.
She let out a squeak of surprise as I pressed my lips against the softness of hers. She practically melted into me, her body going limp in my arms, her head tilted up so she could reach me better. I dropped my hands from her arms to her waist and pulled her flush against me. She responded by slipping her arms around my neck and pulling me down to her. Her body fit mine like it was designed for me, like we were two pieces of a puzzle and only when we were together did we make sense…. only then were we complete.
I slid my tongue along her plump bottom lip and she opened her mouth for a deeper kiss. I held back a moan of approval not wanting to scare her, but this was the best kiss of my life. I pulled her closer to me, not satisfied with even a breath of space separating us. She wiggled against me and my head became completely fuzzy with the need for her.
Before this kiss I had felt an undeniable attraction to her, a need to get to know her better and maybe even a hope in what could be between us; but with her pressed against me and my mouth claiming hers, an overwhelming sense of protectiveness and possession unfurled inside of me. It was slow at first, as if just awakening and then it flooded my veins in a rampant attempt to control me. I wanted Amelia to be mine. And even if I didn’t completely understand what that meant yet, I knew I didn’t want her kissing anyone else like this. These lips were meant for me only, her perfect little body only meant to press so seductively against mine.
Our kiss grew more frenzied with each revelation that passed through my mind. I chased her tongue with mine, hungry to claim her. One of her hands tangled in my hair, the other tight against the back of my neck. She was as desperate as I was, her breathing labored as her chest heaved against my own.
I could easily have let this kiss get carried away.
But this was Amelia.
My Amelia.
And so I slowed the kiss down. Instead of fiercely ravenous, I kissed her gently and carefully. Treating her perfect lips with the reverence they deserved.
She was the first to break away. And somehow I always knew that she would be, because I could have stood their kissing her forever.
“Avalon,” she gasped and I smiled at the way my name sounded caressed by her.
“Amelia,” I whispered, smiling down at her. I relinquished my hold on her so I could cup her delicate face in my hands. I had so much to confess to her, I just hoped I didn’t scare her with my-
“We can’t do that ever again,” she announced in a rush of words.
“Why not?” I demanded, realizing it wasn’t probably the first question I should be asking, but it was definitely the answer I wanted most.
“Because…. because of Jericho,” she was nodding her head almost frantically, her hands pulling at my hands to gain more space between us and it took me a while to come to my full senses again.
“Because of Jericho?” I asked, still very confused, my mind struggling against an equal haze of lust and longing.
“Of course because of Jericho,” she replied more confidently, taking a full step back from me.
It took everything in me, every single ounce of will power and maturity not to pull her right back to her puzzle piece spot. She belonged next to me, my body told me that, my mind told me that…. even the heart that I thought was dead to things like this told me that.
“We’ll just talk to him, explain the situation,” I reasoned, still hoping that I wasn’t the only one feeling anything between us.
“Uh, that won’t do any good. In fact, it will only cause more problems. A lot more problems,” she started glancing around nervously and I started to doubt everything. I knew they were hanging out, but I had no idea they were so close. “I need to go,” she said firmly as if I were telling her not to.
And at that point I couldn’t even argue with her.
Maybe she really did have to go.
I watched her disappear into the darkness of the gardens in a hurry to get away from me and wondered how in the hell I had screwed things up so bad. I knew there would come a time when I would have to face Jericho and explain my side of the story, but right now the only thoughts in my head were mourning the loss of Amelia. And there were plenty of those thoughts. They invaded every thought and blood vessel, I felt her absence so strong it was painful to my bones. And not just the kissing, it was that she wasn’t with me anymore, not by my side, not fitted against me.