I t wasn't until she'd seen the matron sobbing semihysterically in the women's self-help aisle that she thought about the English translation to the French sentence Madam Ringwater had said to her. L'amour fait des imbeciles de nous tous, Pea suddenly realized, meant Love makes fools of us all. She tried not to stare at the weeping woman who was holding a copy of a book titled Why Men Love Bitches.
Pea decided that maybe she was in the wrong section and left women's self-help to cross through the gay and lesbian studies section. No point in stopping there. Not unless she wanted to change teams. She paused and considered whether she'd be interested in having sex with a woman. No. Well at least she was sure about that. Pea left that section and moved to the adjoining shelves labeled New Age, where the brightly colored spines snagged her attention. The first pretty book she pulled off the shelf was titled Magick & Rituals of the Moon. Curious, Pea thumbed through it. Chapter titles like "The Full Moon Esbat" and "Waxing and Waning Moon Magick" were as foreign to Pea as they were intriguing. She put the book back and let her eyes roam over the other titles. Earth Power, Powerful Protection Magic, and Magical Rites from the Crystal Well continued to pique her interest. Wow! She'd never heard of any of these books - or any of these ideas. Was this witchcraft? She noticed a book titled Wicca Demystified by Bryan Lankford. Huh. Guess some of it was witchcraft. Pea shrugged, literally and figuratively. At least there were no sobbing women in this aisle. Then something flickered at the edge of her vision. Something like the flutter of butterfly wings or maybe the faint sputter of a candle in a breeze. Pea turned and she felt a little catch in her breath, as if someone had just whispered a cool secret to her. The hardback book's spine was the color of heavy cream and it beckoned with its richness. In silver script the title appeared to shine: Discover the Goddess Within - Unleash Venus and Open Your Life to Love. Her hand reached out, almost hesitantly, even though her full attention had been captured by the book. With a subdued shush sound it slid free from between the two books pressed against it.
Pea ran her fingers over the cover. The title was there in raised silver embossed script, along with the author's name, Juno Panhellenius, which should have seemed weird, but Pea thought instead it felt right that the author's name evoked a sense of ancient magic and mystery. The only decoration on the cover was the silver outline of a timeless (and very curvy) goddess figure. Her arms were upraised with the full moon resting between her hands. The goddess looked sexy and mysterious and desirable. Pea thought how odd it was that the book felt cool beneath the balls of her fingertips. She opened it and glanced down the table of contents: "Know Venus and Know Confidence," "Know Venus and Know Beauty," "Know Venus and Know Sexual Confidence"...and on and on until, finally, "Know Venus - Evoke the Goddess!"
A trickle of excitement skittered through Pea's body. That was it! If she could teach herself to have the confidence of a goddess then surely she'd no longer be invisible! And what better goddess than the Goddess of Love, Venus herself? Who could ignore Venus? If a woman had the allure of a goddess, what couldn't she do? (Or who couldn't she do?) Giggling softly, Pea clutched the book to her chest and hurried toward the checkout line. Pea felt light and happy and hopeful as she pulled out of the Borders parking lot and, on impulse, headed downtown. She checked the time - five thirty-five. Yes! Her favorite restaurant, Lola's at the Bowery, would be open, but it was still early enough that it wouldn't be too crowded. She'd grab the corner table, which was perfect for reading, and order her favorite appetizer, the Italian antipasto platter. Oooh! She might even treat herself to one of Lola's specialty martinis; it'd be like she was on holiday!
What better way to turn a new page in her life?
"Admit it, Venus. I was right," Persephone said.
"You were, and I don't mind admitting it. Tulsa is simply marvelous! I can't believe you've been keeping the secret of this modern kingdom to yourself," Venus said.
"I'm not keeping it a secret! I told you about it."
"Ha! Only after I saw those divine boots."
"Of which you now own a pair, too."
"Along with these adorable earrings!" Venus shook her head so that the long, hand-beaded dangles danced around her graceful throat. "What was that wonderful bead place called again?"
"The Bead Gallery. The modern woman I'm friends with, Lina Santoro, introduced me to Donna Prigmore's gallery during one of my early trips here. As Lina says, she makes jewelry fit for a goddess."
"So true, and such a lovely surprise. I'll also admit you were right about these drinks." Venus sipped from the frosty martini glass and moaned dramatically in almost sexual pleasure. "What did you call this inspired creation?"
"It's one of Lola's specialty martinis. You're drinking the Nuptial, a mixture of Skyy vanilla vodka and butterscotch schnapps. It says on the menu that you'll love it so much it'll be till death do you part!"
"Very appropriate for the Goddess of Love," Venus said, laughing, and then she lowered her voice. "Oops! By Hera's freezing tits it's hard to remember that no one knows who I am here, so I really should be careful about what I say."
"Venus. Honey. Calling yourself a goddess won't make modern mortals believe you're really a goddess, but using that archaic curse will get you some weird looks from them. Not to mention you'd make Hera mad if she heard you." Persephone grinned. "And, anyway, how do you know her tits are freezing?"
"Well, they must be. She's always all" - the Goddess of Love paused and searched for the right word - "nippley. You know it's true. And she always wears those see-through white chitons. Who could miss her arousal? They're so puckered and erect. It makes me think Zeus might not be taking care of her needs. As Goddess of Love, perhaps I should speak to him - "
Persephone choked on her martini, and then sputtered. "Now that is something I want to see!
You questioning the almighty Zeus about whether he's an adequate lover or not!"
"It's perfectly my right to question even Zeus." Venus sniffed haughtily. "Love is always my business." Then her eyes widened and she grinned mischievously. "Which is exactly why I bought..." The goddess reached down and pulled a long, cylinder-shaped box from one of the shopping bags by her feet. "This!" She raised the box with a flourish. Persephone shook her head and tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle a giggle. "I can't believe you actually bought that thing."
"How could I not after reading its name?" She pointed to the shiny black box that had the words Venus D'My Lay written in bright scarlet letters across it. "How do you get in this thing?"
"You're going to open it? Right here?"
Venus glanced up at her, violet eyes bemused. "Why not?"
"Well, it looks like a..."
Venus managed to wrestle open the lid and slide out its contents. Holding it up, she finished for Persephone, "A big black phallus!"
"It certainly does." Persephone stared. "Actually it's disturbingly real. What does it feel like?"
Venus caressed the long, black shaft, running her slender fingers knowingly over its rounded head and fleshlike ridges and veins. "It feels nice. Much more realistic than the phalli the ancients carve. I mean, really. Not even a god's penis truly gets as hard as marble, no matter what Apollo may boast. How does it work?" Venus enthusiastically shook the huge dildo with a jerking-it-off motion, getting several interesting looks from men sitting at the bar, which she chose, for the moment, not to acknowledge. "It says it vibrates, but it's not vibrating." She frowned.
"Give me that thing. You have to put in the batteries."
"Batteries?"
"Modern magic that makes it work."
"Oooh." Venus sipped her martini while she watched Persephone insert batteries into the shaft of the phallus. "So those things will really cause it to vibrate?"
"That's what the girl at Pricilla's Toy Box said."
"She was oddly pierced. Did she remind you of an Amazon warrior, too?" Venus asked.
"Now that you mention it, there was something wild and warriorlike about her. She might not quite be an Amazon, but I think Artemis would approve of her," Persephone said. "Here. Try turning it on now." She passed the penis across the table and pointed to the hidden switch in its base. Venus stroked it on. The huge member came alive, humming happily. Venus gasped. "By Zeus's swinging testicles! It is magic!"
"Okay." Persephone looked quickly around the chic restaurant, frowning severely at the men at the bar who were clearly being very entertained by Venus's uninhibited show. She took the vibrator from the goddess, flipped it off and put it back in its box. "You really might want to rethink the divine genitalia cursing."
"What?"
"The tits and testicles of the Olympians just aren't used as curses here." She dropped the Venus D'My Lay in the shopping bag and unobtrusively kicked the bag under their table.
"Persephone. I am Goddess of Love." Venus kept her voice low but firm. "It's always appropriate for me to curse using references to genitals. Anyone's genitals."
"Do you want to fit in here?"
"Of course! I adore modern mortals. I can already tell that the men are appreciative without being sycophants. And the women move with such a delicious sense of freedom and power. I plan on spending many happy days exploring this wonderful kingdom."
"Then leave the genitals of the gods and goddesses out of it."
Venus frowned, looking unusually pensive. "I'm not sure I can. You know I prefer to refer to love whenever I can."
Persephone raised one delicate eyebrow. "Love?"
"Naturally. Genitals equal love - love equals genitals. Persephone, darling, do we need to have a more private talk? How have your orgasms been lately? Are you experiencing multiple releases?
And when you don't have a partner, have you been pleasuring yourself adequately?"
Persephone raised her hands, palms out. "Stop. You win. Use whatever curses please you most. Just be prepared to be questioned about them."
"I'm always prepared to answer questions about love." Venus smiled sweetly. "But first I want..." She caught the young waitress's eye and waggled her fingers at their two almost-empty martini glasses.
"Did you ladies want another round?"
"Darling, you said your name was Jenny, didn't you?" Venus asked.
"That's right." The waitress smiled. "Two more martinis?"
"Yes, but this time let's try the Wake," Persephone said.
"Excellent! You'll love it. I'll bring those right out."
"The Wake?" Venus asked Persephone after Jenny hurried off.
"It's yummy - chocolate liqueur, espresso, vodka, ice crystals..." She licked her lips and shivered in delight. "Trust me on this."
"Oh, I do! It sounds decadent. I'm certain I'll love it. I've loved everything else in this kingdom."
"Okay, you're really going to have to quit calling it that. There's no such thing as a kingdom of Tulsa. It's just Tulsa. Like Rome is just Rome, not the kingdom of Rome."
Venus scoffed. "Try telling those obsessively patriotic ancient Romans they're not a kingdom."
"Point taken. I used a bad example. Here's the thing - you can be eccentric and different here -
that's fine. You're incredibly beautiful - "
"Why thank you darling!" Venus interrupted.
"I'm just stating the truth. Anyway, you can get away with being...well...what modern mortals will consider weird because of your beauty."
"Weird? I am not weird."
"By Athena's widening ass you certainly are!" Persephone said, mimicking her friend's voice and using one of her all-time favorite curses.
Venus's violet eyes sparkled. "Athena's ass is getting big. Come on. Admit it. She's become far too serious! All, 'Look at me! I'm the gray-eyed Goddess of War, Wisdom and the Arts.'" She exaggerated a yawn. "She needs to loosen up and in more ways than one. A few stretching exercises and a good jog would help her out as much as taking a lover or two."
"You're incorrigible." Persephone laughed. "And you're not going to get me off the subject that easily. You can use your genital curses. You can even get way too personal about other people's love lives. But you can't go around calling Tulsa a kingdom."
"Fine, fine, fine. It's not a kingdom. It's a city. I've got it. I'll remember. It's just that I'm having so much fun! I adore Tulsa and its mixture of cheeky modern men and confident modern women, especially because none of them have any idea who I am."
"I told you it would be a freeing experience to visit the modern world."
"Well I am Love, and I can officially say that Love is in love with Tulsa!"
The waitress put two fresh martinis on their table, along with two slender white slices of an exquisitely decorated cake. "Here are your Wakes, ladies. And the owner, Lola, is testing out a new dessert - personal wedding cake. Please sample it with her blessing."
"Wedding cake!" Venus laughed and clapped her hands together in a spontaneous show of girlish pleasure. "How perfectly appropriate."
"Are you getting married?" the young waitress asked.
"Me? No! I've been married forever. That's not why it's appropriate. It's just that I am Love. Naturally wedding cake should be a favorite of mine."
The waitress continued to smile politely, but her face had turned into a question mark.
"She means she's fixed up a lot of her friends. Sometimes we just call her Love," Persephone explained.
"She's good at fixing up people? That's cool."
"You have no idea," Venus mumbled through a big bite of wedding cake. "Paris and Helen, Pygmalion and - "
"Thanks for the cake!" Persephone interrupted smoothly. "And keep an eye on our martinis; we'll want at least one more round."
"Will do."
When she was gone Persephone bit into her own slice of cake while she shook her head at Venus.
"What? You don't like the cake. I think it's wonderful."
"The cake is excellent. You, on the other hand, are a mess."
Venus took a sip of the new martini and moaned softly in pleasure. "By Apollo's golden phallus this is delicious!"
"Venus, could you please, please, please try to remember that to the modern mortals Troy existed thousands of years ago? And to them Pygmalion carving Galatea out of marble was just a myth."
"Pygmalion? A myth? Impossible. He was a dreadful woman hater before I played matchmaker."
She grinned mischievously. "Matchmaking with a statue. I must say that I outdid myself that time. How could people believe that love story was a myth?"
"You knew them!" Persephone hissed. "And you're used to magic, unlike modern mortals."
Venus cocked her head to the side and studied Persephone. "You seem very tense. When was the last time you orgasmed?"
"That has nothing to do with it."
"Of course it does. When was the last time?"
"Five days ago."
"See there!" Venus nodded vigorously as if she'd just proved an excellent point to an attentive audience. "That's your problem."
"I don't have a problem."
"Well you won't if we get you properly laid." Venus looked around the restaurant, clearly checking out the men at the bar.
"No. Really. I'm fine. And if I'm not I do have a rather long list of mortal men I can call on," she said smugly.
"Excellent. Then do so. Five days without a proper orgasm is entirely too long. But are you sure you don't want me to work a little love magic for you?" She waggled her long, shapely fingers and diamondlike glitter began to form in the air around them.
"No!" Persephone yelped, grabbing Venus's hand and causing the love dust to fall in a small, sparkling heap on their table. She quickly blew on the powdery substance and then went into a sneezing fit when it danced in the air around them before disappearing back into the Goddess of Love's fingertips.
"Be careful," Venus said as she finished the last of her cake. "That stuff isn't good for your lungs."
"Thanks for reminding me," Persephone said sardonically while she sniffed delicately. "Just never mind on the love magic stuff. I'm doing fine on my own. Plus you know what happens when you get too involved in the love lives of the gods."
"What are you talking about? I have made uncounted matches - happy matches."
"Yes, you have. Happy matches between mortals. When you mess with our love lives, as in the immortals, of which I am one, things tend to go wrong. Drastically wrong."
"You exaggerate."
"Exhibit A - Athena and Odysseus. You decided Athena needed to love a mortal. Look me in the eye and tell me your meddling didn't cause the man to be absent from his wife and family for twenty years."
Venus shrugged and looked uncomfortable. "If Athena hadn't been so obsessive that little affair wouldn't have been such a bad thing."
"So you're admitting it was a bad thing?"
"Maybe."
"Fine. Exhibit B - the Scylla/Glaucus/Circe debacle."
"That's not fair. I had no idea that Circe was so attached to Glaucus. I thought he and Scylla made a lovely match. You know I did think he was just scrumptious after he became a water deity. How was I to know that Scylla rejecting him would make Circe so jealous?" Venus pouted. "I really don't know how you can hold that against me."
"Okay. How about Exhibit C - Zeus and - "
"I get the point. Although how you could blame me for any of Zeus's silly affairs I'll never know," she muttered. "Anyway I won't meddle in your love life. Right now," she added under her breath. "But I do have the urge to, I don't know, arrange something for these fabulous mortals. Kind of as a payback for having such a lovely time in their city." She enunciated the word distinctly, getting a grin from Persephone.
"Hey, meddle away with the mortals. It's fine with me. Whether they are aware of it or not, they're lucky to have the Goddess of Love be so interested."
"Really!" Venus brightened. "Matchmaking always gets my womanly juices flowing."
"Venus. Please. TMI."
"TMI?"
"Too much information. Keep your woman's juices to yourself."
"You know, for Spring, you really are a prude." She narrowed her eyes at Persephone. "When was the last time you gazed at the beauty of your sacred lotus blossom with a mirror?"
Persephone choked on her martini.
"Just as I thought. You need to spend more private time with the core of your womanhood."
"Mortals. Focus on the mortals, Venus," Persephone said between coughs.
"If you insist..." Venus said, turning her attention to the mortals surrounding them even while she filed away in her mind that she'd have Persephone sent a special mirror when she got back to Mount Olympus.
Then all thoughts of Persephone and mirrors fled her mind as a group of laughing men entered the restaurant. They took seats at the gleaming oak bar and began a good-natured flirtation with Lola herself, who had emerged from the kitchen and was one of those timelessly attractive women who could have been anywhere from thirty-five to fifty-five and who would still be confident and sexy at sixty-five and seventy-five. Obviously the group of men were regulars as well as favorites with Lola and her waitstaff.
"Who are they?" Venus asked Persephone.
"Firemen..." Persephone purred the word.