There were only six of us, against more than twenty Fallen.
But we fought on.
The woman in front of me eventually weakened. I understood how there was this loyalty to Aliah, that there was this issue with killing me, but I would have fought harder for my life. I was fighting harder to live.
So when my swords crossed her throat and slid all the way through, I realized I was just as surprised as she was. My killing experience was limited. I wasn’t used to taking lives other than Shadows.
My stomach lurched at the gory sight as blood spurted from her neck and her headless body fell to the ground.
Oh, God.
I had always known that this was part of my life, that at some point I would have to kill and kill often; not just the demonic Shadows that seemed more animal than eternal being, but living, breathing, Angels. Someone like me. Someone who had the potential for good, for Light, but gave it away to chase a greedy, selfish future.
My hands shook, barely able to hold onto my two swords. My stomach clenched against the roiling nausea and my mind spun with the consequences of taking a life. I was forever a changed person. Forever a true Warrior now.
Forever I would have her
blood on my hands.
And it wasn’t a bad thing. I knew that. Somewhere in my spinning brain I knew that my parents had killed, that Nate and Serena killed daily. And they were still good and fighting for something worthy.
But it felt different when it was me. It felt cataclysmic and elementally changing. It felt…. wrong.
While I stood over the dead body- dead by my hands- a strong hand shoved into my back and I flew forward, sprawling into the blood and lifeless limbs of my victim. I spit out sticky, bloody sand and rolled over onto my back with swords raised defensively.
Seth loomed over me, apparently finally catching up. His face was contorted with hate and frustration, his swords gripped tightly at his sides.
“Get up,” he growled.
I didn’t immediately respond to his command. My body was sunk into black sand as the blood continued to run from the dead body next to me. I stupidly tried to imagine what she looked like, but I couldn’t picture her face. I had been so intent on the kill that I hadn’t processed anything leading up to it.
It seemed silly now, to dwell on the appearance of my victim. But I couldn’t help it. I needed time to process this, and instead I was fighting for my own life, fighting to reign in my sanity so that I could face Seth and the unique danger he brought.
I couldn’t do that again- I couldn’t just lose myself to the fight again. Because while killing someone nameless, but evil, was traumatizing, taking Seth’s life would destroy me. But unlike the dead woman next to me I wasn’t going to give a half-hearted attempt at protecting myself either. I wasn’t afraid to hurt Seth. I just couldn’t deal the death blow across his neck.
Everything else was fair game.
“Get up, Stella,” Seth commanded and my name sounded like a curse word on his beautiful lips.
I scooted back before jumping to my feet. My t-shirt was saturated with blood and sand; my
shoes were filled with the same gritty wetness. I brushed at bloody sand that stuck to my face with the back of my hand and met Seth’s murderous glare with one of my own.
“Is now the time that I remind you that you made this deal?” I taunted. Bodies moved around us, metal flaring in the early sun before finding something to clash with. Smoke billowed around us, but I was sure it was Shadows either creating an illusion or dying. “You made this bed and all that.”
Seth took an aggressive step forward, one sword raised and pointed at my throat. “And for the life of me, I just cannot figure out why.”
Mimicking him, I took a cautious step back. “I think it had something to do with love.”
“Foolishly,” he bit out. “Giving up my life, my freedom, my soul for a spoiled brat that didn’t even feel anything back. How stupid.”
“I never said I didn’t feel anything back,” I ground out defensively.
Bitter laughter fell from his mouth like insults, “Yeah, you felt a little something for me, and a little something for a human not even worthy to walk on the same ground as me. And who else? Huh? How many others got to feel your little something, too?”
White and blinding, pain flashed through me. This was not him. This was not Seth. I pushed my self-doubt and raw sensitivity down, deep, deep down and pretended I had as much attitude as he did. “Now you’re just being petty. I had no idea you were so insecure.” He growled out an animalistic sound and I knew I hit a nerve, but something dark and punishing pushed me further. “Had I known you were lying to me all this time, I would have just lied back. I could have easily saved your poor ego, if I knew that was the game we were playing.”
“I never lied to you,” he shouted. “I was nothing but honest- too honest. I laid my soul bare for you, and you spit on it! You were created for me, not even given a choice to love someone else and you still couldn’t admit that you had a future with me! And now everything has been taken away from me and still I ache for you. It’s the cruelest kind of purgatory.” His last words were grated out in a harsh whisper and the throbbing in my chest intensified to beyond what I could handle.
“So that’s it? Kill me? Remove the problem? And then what?” I challenged. We had walked beyond the main battle, off to the side of the crowd, to our very own stretch of perfect beach. “You’ll have peace? You sold your soul to the most sadistic creature in the universe! There is no peace for you. Kill me if you have to, but you suffer forever at your own hands. I had nothing to do with this decision.”
“You had everything to do with this decision!” He was screaming now in a raging voice that echoed over every other sound. Spittle flew from his lips, his face was suffused with bright red blood.
And then he attacked. His swords swung with superhuman speed and I only caught them with my own by sheer luck. I had been determined to not just defend myself but fight back too.
In reality, under the power and skill of Seth’s swords, there was no chance that I could actually fight back against this guy. He was insane with speed, strength and ability.
And I was just me.
Inadequate, lacking and half his size.
But I still kept my arms moving, my wrists loose and my focus intently on his body. I met him blow for blow. Sweat poured from my forehead, my Light was intensifying with each second and the sand underfoot became so hot it started to melt the rubber soles of my shoes.
Seth swung one blade toward my side, while the other raised above my head and sliced from the opposite direction. Just managing to move fast enough, I twirled out of the way, spinning backward and letting my blades fly with the momentum.
As soon as I landed, Seth was there, dealing more punishing blows that jarred my bones and vibrated through my body. One of his blades caught my bicep and sliced it open before I could pull back. Another got my thigh, cutting through the loose material of my yoga pants with ease.
I vaguely noted I was going to have to switch over to leather like my mom and Serena. Suddenly I understood the benefit of looking like Cat Woman.
When he nicked my neck with the tip of his sword and I felt blood drip over my collarbone, I had about had it.
“Enough!” I screamed. “Are you really going to kill me?” I was just as angry as he could ever be and even while I threw my swords up to block his next blow, I waited for an answer.
“I have to,” he spat out in a voice so low and growly, I could barely make it out. “I have to end this.”
“End what?” I gasped, struggling under his brute strength.
“The constant pain,” he whispered as if the words actually hurt him. He pressed forward and I collapsed under his power. He was down on top of me in another moment, before I had the chance to move, to roll, to do anything but surrender to his ruthless attack.
He straddled my waist, pinning my arms beneath his heavy knees. I kept my swords tight in my hands, but they were useless since I couldn’t lift my arms. His face hovered above mine, almost completely indistinguishable from hate. He growled again, words this time, but I couldn’t understand him. His curved sword pressed against my throat. I felt the hot blade cut at my skin, holding me on the precipice between this moment that I was alive, and the next when I would be without a head.
Our blades were cut and sharpened so that cutting through bone and flesh was as easy as slicing soft butter. If I even breathed heavily his sword would sink deeper into my skin.
I didn’t expect him to, but he was hesitating. It probably shouldn’t have, but his pause gave me hope. In the depth of eyes so crazed and confused, I could have sworn I saw some kind of recognition.
“Seth,” I whispered, losing the tough-girl act and reaching desperately for the love that still infused every molecule in my body. “I love you.”
He winced and closed his eyes as if in real pain. His sword never left my throat but I felt his resolve stutter.
“I do love you,” I promised. “Only you.”
“You don’t love me,” he grated. “You would never tell me that now, if you did. You would know better.”
“I told you before, in the forest. Remember?” His eyebrows fused together and he just looked at me. I shook my head, and the sword bit into my neck deeper. “And I have to tell you now. If this is my last chance, I have to tell you.”
Confusion laced with guilt flashed in his expression. Even like this, even distorted by the torturous existence he was suffering and raging with a hate he didn’t understand, he was beautiful. Perfect. Lost. I ached for him in ways that had nothing to do with fear or resentment. My entire body cried out to him, pleaded with him to stop this. And surprisingly my desperate need for him not to kill me had nothing to do with my life, or my desire to stay alive. But everything to do with Seth and his soul that still hung in the balance.
Killing me would destroy him. One day he would have the opportunity to get his soul back, to come back to himself. He couldn’t do that if he blackened and demolished it in the meantime. I had to live so that he could. I had to survive so he could.
He would never forgive himself for this.
He would never recover.
“And Tristan?” he flinched. “I saw you with him. I saw you tonight.”
In Tristan’s truck? Could he have really seen that?
Tears leaked from my eyes now, steady streams of emotion I couldn’t control. “That was goodbye,” I swore. “I was saying goodbye to Tristan.”
He cocked his head back and pushed the blade deeper into my skin. I choked on it, tasting the metal of blood in my mouth as it coated my tongue. “You’re lying. You’re always lying!” He was shouting again and applying crushing, life-taking pressure on his blade.
I mouthed no, but he was back to being evil again- back to crazy. I closed my eyes against that deranged image of him. If this was my last moment of life I didn’t want to remember him this way. I wanted to picture him as the beautiful boy I knew and loved; the one filled with Light. I remembered his easy going attitude; the strength and power that rippled through him even while he was still. I wanted to remember the mischievous boy that stole my chocolate chip pancakes; the boy that danced gently with me at the Valentine’s dance while my body was still recovering from my first real battle with the Fallen; the boy that curled up with me when his nightmares became too much; the boy that stole my heart and demanded I fall in love with him, not because it was our destiny but because he was the perfect answer to me- my perfect Counterpart.