“Boring?” I snorted. I never once remembered feeling like Ryder was boring. “Uh, so Hayden, huh?”
She smiled this ridiculously huge grin and I wondered if it was a special talent of Kenna’s to look like she was in love with every one of her boyfriends. “Mmm-hmmm. He’s not nearly the rock star Ryder is, but we get each other, you know?”
“Sure, I know,” I nodded slowly. I didn’t really know, but I could pretend. “Well, um, thanks for intervening. Again.” I smiled at her, hoping to convey my gratitude. But after our weird conversation about her ex and current boyfriend the confrontation with Cassandra felt almost forgotten.
Almost.
“No problem, Ivy. Just maybe…. maybe you should avoid the girls’ bathrooms while you’re at school from now on,” her eyebrows furrowed in concern and I wondered if she had a point.
“You make a good point,” I sighed and then left her in the bathroom.
Weird. That was so weird.
Chapter Thirty-Four
“Are you sure you don’t want some company?” Exie called from the driver’s seat. “I could use some caffeine.” She smiled at me knowingly, daring me to turn her down.
“No thanks,” I smiled confidently back, like this was no big deal, like I wasn’t blowing off my friend so I could interrogate Ryder until he turned blue. “I need to get to the bottom of this.”
“I’m sure he wants to get to the bottom of this too,” she winked at me and I rolled my eyes but then slammed her passenger door.
I watched Exie drive away, thankful she was willing to give me rides again now that Chase and I no longer had the carpool thing going on. I pivoted around and marched into Delice full of determination.
Ryder was wiping down the counter with a white rag when the bells over the doorway signaled a customer. He looked up from his task and when his eyes met mine they lit up in that shared secret again. He smiled at me, friendly and casual and I about snapped.
The café was empty now. The workday hadn’t wound down yet for the surrounding businesses and school had been out for a half an hour so either it was too early for kids around here, or they had already been through on their way home.
“Hey, Red,” he called from the counter. I couldn’t see anyone else working with him and wondered if his boss trusted him alone with the store. “Caramel macchiato?”
I paused midstride trying to ignore the shiver that slid down my spine because he knew my drink. Not that he hadn’t ordered it for me a couple times, but it was just so thoughtful…. so- No. This was exactly why we needed to have this little chat.
“We need to talk,” I barked and planted my hands on the counter.
His forehead wrinkled and his eyebrows drew down in concern. “Ok, let’s go,” he walked over and held the gate open that separated behind the counter from the rest of the store. He motioned for me to walk through and a little confused I did. He closed the gate behind me, and then led me along to the door that opened to the kitchen and office.
When the swinging door stopped moving behind us, he turned to face me, putting two gentle hands on my biceps. We were surrounded by stainless steel kitchen appliances and counters, everything was shiny and cold to the touch. Everything except Ryder’s warm, gentle hands searing my skin even through the material of my shirt.
“Why didn’t you tell me you and Kenna broke up?” I demanded out of breath.
His forehead smoothed out for a second and then wrinkled in the opposite way when his eyebrows shot up towards his hairline. And then a smug smile turned the corner of his mouth.
A soft laughed rumbled out of him and he shrugged a careless shoulder. “I didn’t think it mattered.
“It matters,” I argued stubbornly.
Ryder took a step closer, closing some of the space between us. The air around us changed, from casual to intense in just a moment. His breath fanned over my face, a mixture of strong coffee and spearmint. His gray eyes heated to pools of liquid silver and his tongue made a small sweep across his bottom lip.
“Why?” he whispered, his voice coarse and raspy. It coated the sound as it hit my ears and pushed me a step forward, a step into his arms.
“It just does,” I explained without explaining anything.
“Yeah?” he asked, his voice that same sexy growl.
My body heated to a liquid fire. I felt burning hot and tingly and so lost at the moment I didn’t know what to do. My heart hammered in my chest, loud, pounding, furious. My fingertips buzzed with anticipation and my eyesight had narrowed so severely that anything beyond Ryder’s face felt fuzzy and far away.
All of a sudden the space between us was filled, brimming over with emotion and tension. There had been some of that before; the space between us had never been empty. But now it was completely full, atoms and particles and molecules and whatever else occupied the space between zinged around in a wild frenzy, charged with the growing something that enveloped everything separating us.
“So it matters to you that I’m single,” he dropped his head to just a breath away from mine. I shivered, a quick, jerking motion that propelled me the rest of the distance to Ryder’s body.
He caught me, like he was expecting me and in the next moment his mouth was on mine. One hand slipped around my waist pulling me impossibly closer to him, the other sliding up to cradle my neck in his huge hand. His lips pressed against mine so gently, so impossibly careful that I barely felt the soft fullness of them.
I was frozen, hypnotized, I couldn’t have moved for anything, not even to intensify the kiss even though that’s all I wanted. And while he seemed to hesitate in indecision, I struggled to step out of my decision. I screamed every argument at myself I could think of, every truth and lie I had been convincing myself of ever since we met. But the most sincere truth, the most base, primal, real truth I could admit to myself was that I wanted to kiss him; I wanted this more than anything. More than freedom.
And in the same instant I admitted that to myself, Ryder seemed to come to a conclusion of his own because his lips moved against mine. Delicately at first, and then demanding, hungry.
He devoured me.
Possessed me.
And I let him own me. There was no fight against him, no will or resolve left to do anything except give myself up to him.
I opened my mouth and let his tongue in, let it sweep along mine, so sweet at first, so achingly tantalizing that I felt myself moan into his mouth. A blush heated my neck and began creeping its way up my face, but there was no time to be embarrassed because the sound seemed to flip a switch in him and then all of his inhibitions were gone and he pushed me against the cold metal of the refrigerator and consumed every piece of me.
His arms imprisoned me to him, his fingers splayed against my skin, pressing into me as if I would evaporate if he didn’t hold on to me. His mouth was relentless against mine, nipping, licking, sweet then rough, gentle then bruising. I made more sounds, desperate sounds of need that he matched with low groans of satisfaction.
The hand on my back tugged at the hem of my shirt and then slipped under so that the heat of his palm scorched the sensitive skin of my spine. I bucked forward, and my arms tightened around his neck.
This wasn’t a kiss. This was an epiphany. My moment of clarity.
My salvation.
Ryder’s hand left my back and reached down to cup the back of my thigh. With one swift movement he lifted me off the ground with that one hand, his bicep straining tightly under my grip. He brought my body up and I instinctively wrapped my legs around him. He sighed his approval and then took a stumbling step forward. We tilted off balance, dizzy and upended with desire. He adjusted my weight with his other hand and I clung to his biceps to keep ahold of him. With another stumbling step, he set me on the edge of the metal counter. My legs stayed around his waist and he pushed into me, keeping no distance between us.
His lips left mine to explore my jawline, my neck, my collarbone. I dropped my head back to allow him more room and I closed my eyes so that they wouldn’t roll in the back of my head.
“Ryder, I whispered against his teasing kisses.
He worked his way back up my neck, his tongue sliding sensually over the sensitive skin of my earlobe and then he started to work back to my lips. His fingers grasped my hips, digging into my flesh and holding me in place. I was thankful for his tight grip, thankful that he was holding me in place because I was positive that without his hands supporting me I would have slipped off the counter, slipped out of reality and just floated away.
I tightened my legs around his waist, bringing him as close as possible; hating that anything was separating us, even the clothes we were wearing. His hands jerked my waist forward in response, as if I could get closer, as if I would allow anything between us.
Through our haze of lust the front door of the café chimed, alerting us that someone had walked in. The faint, distant sound seemed to affect us both simultaneously and we pulled back immediately. Ryder was three steps away before I could blink my eyes open. But the cold reality that washed over me like a bucket of ice forced me to ignore the heartbreaking feeling of emptiness that accompanied the space between us.
We stared at each other for a few moments, neither sure what to say. Ryder’s hair was messier than ever, tussled and wild from our minutes of passion. His lips were swollen and more sensual than ever and even though I refused to acknowledge them his hands were trembling just barely at his sides.
“Ivy, I-“ he started but I cut him off with a wave at a hand.
He was the first guy friend I had ever had. Maybe the first real friend I ever had. I couldn’t ruin that.
I wouldn’t ruin that.
“We, that was, um,” I fumbled through some lame excuse, but my brain was still addled from the desire still pounding through me. Damn it. This was frustrating; I just needed to think of something.
But Ryder beat me to it, “Do not read anything into that,” Ryder raised a firm, authoritative voice at me.
“Uh, Ok,” I agreed, my brow wrinkling just a little and the irrational urge to giggle bubbling up into me.
He seemed just as desperate as I was to keep things platonic between us.
“That was not a kiss,” he reiterated and this time I did laugh.
“It wasn’t?” I questioned a smile lifting the corners of my mouth.
“No, definitely not. It was…. it was a, uh, experiment.” He ran two hands through his already riotously mussed hair. “I just wanted to see if it was as repulsive as I thought it would be.”
“And was it?”
“Yes. Definitely,” the only tell that he was lying was the way his eyes heated again, as if we were dangerously close to repeating the “experiment” right this second. “Actually it was much worse. You’re a terrible kisser.”
The impassioned moment was instantly defused and I burst into laughter. “Thanks for the critique.”
“That’s what friends are for,” he smirked at me, casual, lazy and back to normal.
That’s what friends do. Exactly. Just friends.
I took a big breath and hopped off the counter.
“Ok, I should,” he pointed toward the café. “Right.”
And then he was through the swinging door and I was alone. I heard his polite tone, muffled but recognizable, ask for the customer’s order. I took the moment to smooth out my rumpled clothes and pull my tangled hair into a low, side ponytail. I pressed my lips together, hoping they weren’t nearly as swollen as Ryder’s had been, but I kind of knew that was asking too much. And then I nonchalantly left the kitchen and passed behind Ryder through the lift-gate counter.
“Ivy?” a disturbingly familiar voice asked from in front of the cash register.
“Nix?” I turned around and faced him straight on. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
“Afternoon pick me up,” he gestured toward where Ryder was swiping his credit card and shooting me a sideways glance. “What are you doing here?”
What was I doing here, damn it? I hadn’t anticipated this. “Um, Ryder and I have a project we’re working on. I was just going over some of the notes with him.”
“Are you finished with him?” Nix asked, his dark eyes impossible to read.
“Huh?” My mouth dropped open at his question and the blush was back crawling up my neck and giving me away.
“With your project? I want you to have coffee with me,” he commanded and I just nodded my head in response.
“Sure,” I finally choked out. “Ryder and I are done.”
Nix turned back to Ryder, “She’ll have a caramel-“
“Macchiato,” Ryder finished on a snap of possession. I shot him a pleading look that he definitely ignored. And then when Nix held out his card again, Ryder declined him. “She actually already ordered, I just hadn’t made it yet.”
Nix took this in with a clipped nod and then walked over to a table. He waited for me to follow and sit down before he joined me. He unbuttoned his gray suit jacket and loosened his tie just a tiny bit for comfort. I recognized all these gestures as him getting ready for serious business.
Nix cocked his head in the direction of Ryder and lifted a thick, black eyebrow at me.
“Just following orders,” I mumbled.
His eyebrow descended back to its resting place and his face smoothed out in acceptance of my lie. “I’m glad I caught you here,” he admitted in a low voice. “I was just coming over to talk to you.”
“Yeah?” I asked. My stomach erupted in nerves. Not nerves like the butterflies Ryder gave me, unless these butterflies had strapped razor blades to their wings and were flying about with the sole intention of shredding me from the inside out until I bled to death.
“It seems you have a few things to learn, Ivy. I didn’t want to have to do this, but I’m sending you on a job.” His eyes were pure authoritative arrogance. There was nothing there but cold decisiveness. This was a lesson he decided he needed to teach me. And he was right, if he really thought I was going to stay with him. I needed to be broken, bridled. But because I knew that there was no way in hell I would ever stay with him, a shudder convulsed my body and I gripped at the table so tightly my knuckles turned white.