“But why would he assume I’d be with you? You live in Boston.”
Ryu leaned back against the headboard, sighing. He didn’t respond. A cold flash of realization went off in my head and everything fell into place.
“Ryu, how did you know about my mother? How did you know to come looking for me? What aren’t you telling me?”
“Do we have to talk about this now? I haven’t seen you in forever; I just want to enjoy being with you.” Ryu leaned forward to run his hand under the sheet, up my thigh, toward my sex.
My hand snapped down to his wrist to stop his forward advance.
“Tell me,” I ground out between clenched teeth.
“You weren’t at Grizzie and Tracy’s, and you weren’t home, so I figured you were with Iris.”
“Yeah, but why were you even here?”
His jaw clenched, and suddenly I knew everything. But I wanted him to say it.
“Ryu?”
“I’ve been helping Anyan with his investigation,” he said eventually.
My breath faltered. I had thought as much, but hearing him say it shook me to the core.
“So you knew my mother was dead.”
His only answer was a silence that screamed in response.
“Were you there when they found her?”
Again, only that telling silence.
“That’s what you meant on the phone yesterday. When you said you’d be there for me. It’s because you knew my mother was dead.”
He reached for me. “Jane…”
“You bastard,” I hissed, springing away from his touch. “Tell me you were going to say something but you chickened out. Tell me you didn’t just say those things, knowing the truth.”
“Jane, Anyan and I had already talked. We thought it was best…”
“You asshole,” I breathed, seeing the truth about his actions, and realizing how perfectly they’d played out… and what a stupid bitch I’d been.
“So you let Anyan take one for the team,” I said, my voice cold. “You let him come and tell me this awful thing, and then you swooped in to pick up the goddamned pieces. My goddamned pieces. And I fucking fell for it.”
“Jane, it’s not like that. He wanted to tell you. I didn’t think you needed to hear it from both of us, but I knew you’d need me after you heard.”
“Bullshit, Ryu.” Anger seethed within me, but it was aimed mostly at myself. I could see the entire scenario with brutal clarity. The fact is, I knew that Ryu could not have helped his actions. Everything he’d done was quintessentially Ryu.
“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me,” I said finally. His face brightened, but what followed wiped away his smile, as did my angry tone. “I know you probably believe the shit you’re telling yourself. But deep down inside, you have to realize that you treated my mother’s death and my grief as just one more ace up your sleeve. You can’t help but manipulate people, Ryu.”
He blinked at me, his face expressing his shock, hurt, and outrage. And that’s when it all fell into place for me: all that stuff he was always trying to give me, even when I told him I didn’t want it; his little spats of jealousy, some joking but some not; his harping on about my moving to Boston…
He has no idea who I am, what I want, or what I need.
“Jane,” came Ryu’s voice, breaking through my epiphany. “That’s not fair. I…”
“I know you don’t get it, Ryu,” I said, suddenly tired but also suddenly clear, suddenly sure and confident. My voice soft yet firm, I met his hazel eyes with my black, feeling that gulf that had always been there—the gulf that had been bridged by sex and mutual attraction, but now was too cavernous to ignore. “And I understand you never meant to be cruel or hurtful. But you can’t seem to understand that I’m not something to be won or lost. I’m not a pawn, or a prize, and our being together isn’t a game. It’s not a game,” I repeated firmly, seeing his face flash anger, “and I’m not playing anymore.”
I got up from the bed.
“I’m leaving. You can take me home or not.”
“Jane,” he said, his voice strained, “please, just let me explain.”
“Save it, Ryu,” I said as I walked toward the door.
Swimming home sounded like a much better idea anyway.
CHAPTER FIVE
Right after work the next day, I was at the door of Anyan’s cabin. It was twilight, and the cabin looked cozy and welcoming in the encroaching gloom. My heart was in my throat, however. I hadn’t slept for shit the night before, so physically I was exhausted. Magically, my two long swims had left me glowing like an overcharged reactor. After what had happened in Boston, not only was my control over my power much stronger, but I also had more access to the elements. Yet, despite that energy, my body felt gritty and heavy with exhaustion, especially mentally. And on top of everything, pressing down on my mind was the issue of what I was going to tell my father.
Regardless of the years that had passed, he was still waiting for my mother to come home to him. He’d never gotten rid of her stuff, not even packed it away. Her raincoat still hung in our hallway closet; her boots still sat with ours by the door. Sometimes he talked about her as if she were merely on vacation and had a return ticket, the date of which we knew. Except for one ugly scene, when I was thirteen and so tired of him loving a woman who had abandoned us, I’d never confronted him on the issue. When he talked about her returning, I held my tongue and ignored him.
Now I knew that she was dead. I knew she would never be able to come home. But how could I tell that to my dad?
It would kill him, and not just metaphorically. What with his bad heart, death was a definite possibility. Besides which, how could I explain how I knew she’d been murdered? I’d lain twisted up in bed all night, trying to imagine that conversation.
Well, Dad, Mom was a seal and I’m magic! Another magic dude, who’s a hellhound in his other life, told me that he found Mom’s dead body. She was probably murdered by the evil elf who’s tried to kill me at least twice. Oops, I forgot to mention any of this? Sorry about that! Oh well, now you have more closet space. Can I make you a sandwich?
Granted, that speech was the extra-callous version, but how could I tell him in a way that wasn’t callous? I’d have to destroy all his hope, and I would inevitably have to lie to him at the same time. I’d have to lie to him about my mother’s real identity and my own, in order to cover for all those other lies. In other words, it was either lie to him or he’d find out that the wife who’d abandoned him had done so because he’d never really known her at all, and, to top it off, his daughter had been living a secret life for the past year and a half as well.
It ended up being a pretty textbook definition of betrayal, no matter how it was approached. Not least because there was no doubt in my mind that I was the reason my mother was dead.
On the long swim back to Rockabill from Eastport, I’d finally consciously made the connection I’d been pushing to the back of my brain. I’d known, the second Anyan had said my mother was killed in a laboratory, who was responsible. It had to be Jarl. And I knew damned well that he’d murdered my mother to get back at me.
Anger welled up inside me as I touched lightly upon the subject I planned on addressing after I apologized. It was time for me to get my own back. Not to mention I had to keep what little family I had left safe from Jarl. If that meant I had to stop being Jane True, sidekick, and become Jane True, superhero, so be it. I hadn’t worked this hard just to lie down and take another beating.
But first I had to make things right. Finally gathering my courage, I knocked, stiffening my spine as I heard footsteps. I was here to apologize, but after the way I’d behaved the night before I wouldn’t be surprised if Anyan slammed the door in my face before I had the chance.
To my surprise, however, it was Julian who opened the door.
My fellow halfling blinked his sea-green eyes at me from behind his glasses as his slender face broke into a huge grin.
“Jane!” he practically shouted, throwing open his arms.
I launched myself forward gladly. I’d really liked all of Ryu’s Boston deputies, but Julian was my absolute favorite.
“What are you doing here!” I laughed as Julian set me back down on my feet.
“I’m here with—” Julian began, right before he was muscled aside.
“Ryu,” Julian finished, as I came face-to-face with my former lover.
We blinked at each other until he reached a hand toward me that I stepped back to avoid.
“Where’s Anyan?” I blurted out. I could not deal with the sith right now, not after the night I’d had.
Ryu’s face hardened. He didn’t answer me.
“Where is Anyan?” I repeated, gritting my teeth.
“Why?”
“I have to talk to him.”
“Jane, please,” Ryu replied. “We need to talk.”
“No,” was my response. “We really don’t. Where’s Anyan?”