“Nothing happens. At least not right away.”
I sat upright when I heard that. I knew it was the case, but hearing it totally pissed me off. “What do you mean, Ryu? How can nothing happen?”
Ryu shrugged. “Phaedra's Alfar, and she's Jarl's second. To accuse her would be to accuse Jarl. And we have no proof besides our own testimony. Meanwhile, she's blaming everything on Conleth and she'll be believed.”
“But when you show up at the Compound, alive…”
“Jarl will throw us a party, apologize for assuming we were dead, and reward us for our heroism.”
I shook my head, mute with anger.
“Jane, nothing is going to happen. Accept that.”
We stared at each other for what felt like forever.
“I think I hate your world,” I snapped, leaning back against Ryu's black-leather headboard.
“I know, baby. I'm not any happier about it than you are. But look at it this way: Now we know for sure that Jarl is up to something, and we know who else is involved.”
“I knew Jarl was up to no good when he tried to fucking strangle me.”
Ryu went quiet at that, and I realized my mistake.
“Well, I didn't know he tried to strangle you until a few days ago. So I guess I'm playing catch-up.”
I swore at my own idiocy before turning my body toward Ryu.
“I'm sorry, Ryu. I was trying to protect you. It was stupid.”
Ryu cuddled me closer. “Yes, it was. I protect you, not vice versa.”
I almost made a joke about how letting me get kidnapped wasn't exactly my idea of protection, but I figured if I said that, I might as well go ahead and castrate him at the same time. So I held my tongue.
“Fine. Nothing happens, for now. But someday, I'm totally kicking Phaedra's ass for everything she did.”
“Brave Jane,” Ryu murmured, his hand stroking down my side as he found my mouth with his. Then his hand was between my legs, and we made love again, as if we were the last two people on earth. Afterward, we cleaned up, got dressed, and then went downstairs and ordered pizza.
It was so bizarre, after everything that had happened the night before, to be arguing with Ryu over whether to order the meat supreme or the regular supreme that I couldn't deal. I let him decide and then went upstairs to do what I'd been dying to do since I'd woken up.
I started packing.
I was just finished sorting through what was clean and what was dirty when Ryu came to investigate where I'd disappeared to.
“Jane, what are you doing?”
“I'm packing. Should I go online to order my ticket? Or should I call the airline directly? Is tomorrow too short notice? I don't want you to have to pay more for me to get home.”
“Jane, honey—”
“I just hope I can get a ticket for tomorrow. Otherwise I might rent a car. I can pay for it, though—”
“Jane, wait a second.”
“Sure…” I mumbled, mentally organizing my stuff. I'd already packed my makeup and most of my toiletries, except for what I needed the next morning. So I started shoving all of my dirty clothes into a clean garbage bag I'd brought from the kitchen, until I realized Ryu was trying to get my attention.
“Sorry, what is it?” I asked, as I finished shoving my stankies in the bag.
“Honey, we need to talk.”
“About what?”
“About us. About this week. About everything.”
I paused, my tired mind scrambling. Then I forced myself to throw my last pair of dirty socks in the bag and to tie it off before turning to face Ryu.
“Is this the talk where you tell me that it's been fun, but you're running off with the satyr?” I joked, not at all happy with this turn of events. I didn't want to have “talks,” not about anything serious. I felt so mixed up, and so tired, that any sort of “talk” would be a bad idea.
“No, it's not that talk,” Ryu said, smiling. “It's the talk where we cut to the chase and admit how we feel. Where we talk about our future. I want us to be together.”“Ryu, we are together. If this is about being exclusive, I can assure you that I'm not running around behind your back with Stuart when I'm in Rockabill.”
“That's the whole point, honey. Exclusivity.”
“Huh?”
“I need you with me.”
“I am with you—”
“Baby, please. If this week has proven anything to me, it's how much I want you in my life. So I want you to give moving to Boston serious consideration. It doesn't have to be right this minute. But I want you to think about it.”
“Oh,” I said, staring down at my hands. My mind was racing. I couldn't even follow my own thoughts, but they centered around one giant negative emotion: no. There was no way I could move to Boston anytime soon. There was my training and my dad and my life in Rockabill and the fact that I didn't even know if I wanted to… .
“Is that all you have to say?”
“No, I just don't know where to begin… I don't think I'm ready for this.”
“That's not good enough. I think we are ready. I love you, Jane.”
I winced. Did he? Really?
“Ryu, we barely know each other—”
“What are you talking about? I've known you for months now. I know you're strong and smart and brave. I know you fit with me. We look good together, and we like the same things. We'd make each other even stronger.”
I thought about his words. We had gone through so much together and were so close in some ways. But, in other ways, we didn't know each other at all. And did I really fit with him?
I looked around the pristine, cold, expensive expanse of his bedroom and, again, unbidden came the thought: no.
“Okay, why?” I replied, trying to distract myself from that word. “Why now? Why can't we just stay as we are?”
“Do I really need to spell it out?”
“Considering that moving would mean leaving my life, my family and friends, and also my training, then yes. I don't see why we have to push this.”
Ryu knelt down next to where I sat by my suitcase.
“Jane, I want you here for so many reasons. But most of all, baby, I need you here because otherwise I can't be faithful. Don't tell me you haven't figured that out. And I hate it as much as you must hate it. I'm tired of random humans and having to worry about whom I'll be with to feed. I love you, Jane. I've never felt this way about someone, and you can be everything to me. I hate myself for being what I am, if it means I have to betray you.”
“Wow,” I grunted, taking deep breaths. I hadn't expected quite that much honesty.
“Yeah. It sucks.”
“It sucks to suck, says the vampire,” I quipped weakly. I was so not ready for this conversation.
Ryu harumphed humorlessly.
I turned back to my suitcase, fitting my dirty clothes bag over my shoes at the bottom. Then I started stacking the clean clothes at the top, shifting around what had never gotten unpacked to make room.
What he said was true, but I didn't know if it was entirely honest. I didn't know how much of his desire for me to be a bigger part of his life was because he didn't like cheating on me or because my being with him meant he had a constant food source handy. I'd wondered more than once if that hadn't been why he'd taken me to the Compound with him all that time ago. The other baobhan sith, Nyx, that we'd met had also brought a pet human, or a “sack lunch,” as she called him. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I thought Ryu was consciously using me, but at the same time he'd organized his life, as everyone does, around his needs. And imbibing essence was a huge need for him. So where did Ryu the man end and Ryu the baobhan sith begin?
And who liked me more? Man or vampire?
“Ryu, I really don't see how this can happen anytime soon. I've got my father and my job and my training. I'm not ready to move to Boston, especially when I have almost no offensive magics.”
“I can train you, baby. And we can get your father a nurse. Money isn't an issue.”
I snorted. “It's an issue for me, Ryu. I can't just live off of you. I would need a job and…” I shook my head, focusing myself on the real issues. “And I don't want some random person taking care of my father. I want to take care of him. He's my dad and I don't know how long he's got left.”
“Well, maybe we can move him here—”
“To Boston? Where he knows no one? Where he can't get around? That's not feasible.”
“I'm not saying it has to be right now, Jane. I'm just saying… I'm telling you that I love you.”
“Ryu…”
“Do you love me, or not? It's that simple.”
First of all, it wasn't that simple. I knew he was switching tactics, trying to make me admit I loved him so that he could use that in his negotiations with me. It also wasn't that simple because I couldn't answer the fucking question. I closed my eyes.