“You did the right thing,” he murmured. It seemed to take great effort for him to speak.
“I did?” she asked, not fully understanding what he meant.
“I’m a drifter…I never stay in any town for long. You wanted me to work on your garden, but it was more than that and we both knew it.”
She blushed and lowered her gaze.
“You also know it isn’t a good idea for us to get involved.”
“I don’t feel that way anymore,” she whispered.
He gave a deep, shuddery sigh. “I thought it was for the best—us not seeing each other, I mean.”
“Is it?” she asked boldly. “Is that what you want—to walk away from this…feeling?”
He didn’t answer her for a long time. “You tempt me, Carolyn, more than you know, but I can’t…It wouldn’t be right.”
“Why not?”
He hesitated. “I get restless. I always do. After a while, I move on. It’s just the way I am.” His eyes pleaded for understanding. “I don’t want to hurt you and I know I would.”
“Isn’t that a decision I should make?”
He shrugged. “Perhaps.”
“Are you afraid?” she asked him.
He glanced away and nodded. “I’ll break your heart.”
“At least I’ll know I have one.” Carolyn hadn’t realized it was in her to be so honest or so daring.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said again.
“I’ll risk it,” she whispered.
When he didn’t respond, Carolyn decided she might as well own up to the truth. “The only reason I came to the bar tonight was because I saw you were here.”
He sighed as if that was what he’d suspected. “The only reason I came was because I thought you might stop by.”
Carolyn smiled; she couldn’t help it.
“You shouldn’t be seen with me. I’m a yard man, and you’re—”
“I know who I am.” She loved the way he cared about her, wanted to protect her. But appearances no longer mattered and the opinions of others had become irrelevant.
His thumb grazed her lips, and his smile was sad and brief.
That was when she knew that whatever was happening between them should be explored. Susannah was right—it was time Carolyn took a chance. An attraction this strong was a gift to be treasured, a joy to be savored.
“Thank you for the dance,” he said. He kissed her ever so gently, his mouth barely touching hers.
He started to climb into his truck, but Carolyn stopped him. “Come to my house Friday night after work.”
He seemed about to refuse, but then he smiled. Nodded.
Carolyn stepped back, watching as he drove off. What had she done?
CHAPTER 23
After learning Patricia Carney’s married name from Sandy, Susannah picked up the telephone directory, which still lay on the kitchen table, and looked up Doug’s old girlfriend. She lived in Kettle Falls with her husband and family. Patricia Carney, now Anderson, remembered Susannah and invited her over. Welcoming the distraction and hoping for some clues, Susannah agreed to meet her.
Patricia didn’t resemble the girl Susannah recalled. She’d gained quite a lot of weight, and her lovely chestnut hair had turned a salt-and-pepper gray. With many exclamations of pleasure, Patricia led Susannah to the back patio of her cozy rambler.
“I can’t tell you how surprised I was to hear from you,” Patricia said as she pulled out a chair for Susannah. The pinewood table was covered with a red checkered cloth. Two glasses and a tall pitcher of lemonade sat on a tray, waiting to be poured. There was also a plate of still-warm oatmeal cookies. The patio was surrounded by lush greenery, including dogwood and lilac bushes, and an array of blooming lilies, peonies and roses. A large vegetable garden took up a good part of the backyard.
What Susannah had learned from their brief telephone conversation was that Patricia was a retired nurse and her husband still worked as a U.S. Forest Ranger.
“You have quite a green thumb,” Susannah commented, glancing around. The profusion of fresh flowers made her heart quicken. Whoever was visiting Doug’s grave had access to flowers, too.
Susannah was chagrined that she hadn’t immediately thought of Patricia. She and Doug had been a couple from the time Patricia was a sophomore. Two years older, Doug had graduated and was working in town as a carpenter for a local builder. The war in Vietnam was in full swing then, and if Doug hadn’t died in the car accident, it was likely he would’ve been drafted. Susannah remembered conversations between Doug and their father about the war. Her brother, who hadn’t been academically inclined, had refused to apply for college, much to their father’s disappointment. He’d wanted to enlist but Dad had been against it, insisting that Doug wait until he was drafted. The irony was that if Doug had gone into the service, he might be alive today.
“Actually, Tom’s the one with the green thumb in the family,” Patricia explained, breaking into Susannah’s thoughts. She sat next to her and poured them each a glass of lemonade. Handing Susannah hers, she said, “I heard about your father. I’m sorry.”
Susannah lowered her eyes and nodded. “It was very sudden.”
“How’s your mother doing?”
“About as well as can be expected. I just moved her into assisted living—she’s having a bit of a problem adjusting. But I’m sure that eventually she will.”
“Help yourself.” Patricia leaned forward, pointing to the plate of cookies; Susannah smiled but shook her head.
“I take it this visit is more than for old times’ sake?” Patricia asked.
Susannah appreciated not having to make small talk before she ventured onto the subject of her brother. “As I recall, you and Doug were dating at the time of my brother’s death.”
A sad, faraway look came over Patricia’s face. “Your brother was my first love,” she said softly. “It broke my heart when he was killed.”
“I was out at Doug’s grave recently.” Susannah set her lemonade down on the pinewood table and studied Patricia. “There were fresh flowers on his grave.” She eyed the flower garden, paying particular attention to the roses and peonies. “Would you know anything about that?”
“No,” Patricia told her. “The only time I go to Calvary Cemetery is on Memorial Day. Tom and I put flowers on our parents’ graves.”
“So you weren’t the one who put flowers on my brother’s grave?”
Patricia shook her head. “Other than the day of his funeral, I’ve never visited Doug’s grave.”
This was discouraging news. Susannah had assumed it must be Patricia, who had once loved her brother. If so, it might explain who’d broken into the house, as well. “I thought for sure it was you.”
Patricia shrugged. “Sorry, I can’t help you. Make no mistake, I loved Doug, but that was many years ago.” She stared into the distance, as if caught up in her memories. “Life goes on. I married Tom after I graduated from nursing school. Doug was dead, but I wasn’t.”
“I know.” The tragedy had touched so many lives. In her heart Susannah believed Doug and Patricia would’ve been happy together. “I’m grateful you weren’t with him that night,” she murmured.
“Me, too,” she said, sighing. “Actually, I might’ve been, but he called and broke our date at the last minute. I was plenty peeved with him at the time because I’d come home especially to be with him.”
“Home?”
“I was at nursing school in Spokane by then.”
“Oh, right.” Susannah nodded.
“Doug and I were supposed to get together—it’d been planned for weeks—and then at the last possible second, he called and cancelled. Later, when I learned he’d been killed, I was devastated. Devastated,” she said again. “And I felt so bad for arguing with him.”
“I can imagine.” As long as she lived, Susannah would never forget the phone call telling her that her brother was dead. Her father had tried to calm her. That day had been the most horrible of her life; being so far from home had made it even worse. Her parents had never understood how desperately she’d wanted to come home. Her father hadn’t allowed it. In a few months, she’d be finished with her studies, he’d said, and it was too impractical and expensive for her to fly home twice in that short period. No matter how many years passed, Susannah could never forgive her father for being so heartless.
“My mother kept saying I could’ve been killed that night, too,” Patricia continued, “and she was right. If Doug hadn’t called, I would’ve been with him.”
“Life takes some odd twists and turns, doesn’t it?” Susannah murmured, sipping her lemonade.
Patricia nodded, then grew still for a moment. “Afterward, I thought I’d die, too. I’d never suffered that kind of loss and I wasn’t sure I could go on. I’d always assumed Doug and I would get married.”
“I always thought you would, too.”
She hesitated, and Susannah had the distinct impression that there was something the other woman wasn’t telling her. She waited, hoping Patricia would reveal whatever it was.
“I was planning to talk to Doug that weekend,” Patricia finally said.
“You were?” she asked softly, encouraging the other woman. “What about?”
“Well, when I first left for nursing school, Doug called me every night and drove up to see me at least twice a week. After a while, he started phoning every other night, and then just once the week before he died. I asked my friends who were still in Colville, and they assured me he wasn’t cheating on me. According to them, he wasn’t seeing anyone else. I didn’t understand what was happening between us. Something was. I could feel it. Unfortunately, I never found out what. And I still wonder….”
Susannah wondered, too.
“All I know is that after I went to Spokane, nothing was quite the same.”
“In what way?”
“I think there was someone else,” she said softly. “I was young and foolish, and I realize I’d romanticized the relationship, but that’s the truth. If he was seeing another woman, then my guess is she’s the person who’s leaving flowers on your brother’s grave.” She sipped her lemonade and added, “Because it isn’t me, Susannah. It simply isn’t me.”
Okay, so her brother might’ve been involved with someone else, although to Susannah it didn’t seem likely that Doug would deceive Patricia that way. Granted, she’d idolized her older brother, she’d always turned to him for advice and had considered their relationship special. She’d counted on him. In fact, before she left for France, he’d promised to do what he could to help her work out the situation with Jake.
“I have another question for you,” she began, “and I hope you don’t mind my asking.”
“Sure, go ahead.”
