“I’m not,” Alix said without so much as a second’s hesitation.
“I didn’t expect anything different from you,” Jacqueline muttered, not hiding her scorn.
Truth be known, I was just as glad not to be stuck refereeing those two, although it did make for an amusing moment now and then. I don’t think I’ve ever seen two women who disliked each other more intensely. I’d believed that their animosity had lessened in the past few weeks, but apparently I’d read the situation completely wrong. Once again, my lack of experience when it came to relationships was showing.
Jacqueline was difficult to know—and to like. I did give her credit, though; she’d made a genuine effort to learn to knit and had nearly completed the baby blanket she was making for her first grandchild.
“I felt I should attend the last class and tell everyone what I’d decided.”
“Like we’d care,” Alix mumbled under her breath.
Standing behind Alix, I placed my hand on her shoulder as a way of asking her to keep her comments to herself. Through the last six weeks, I’d discovered that for all her crusty exterior the girl was actually quite sensitive. Even a hint of criticism was enough to make her withdraw.
“I don’t think I could stop knitting now if I wanted to,” Carol said. She was working on a sweater for her brother. The cashmere yarn was the most expensive in the shop and she’d bought it in a creamy gray.
“I’m going to continue, too,” Alix said, glaring across the table at Jacqueline as if to suggest the older woman lacked willpower. “I’m gonna get this blanket right no matter what it takes.”
I had to admire Alix’s determination. She was still rather clumsy in her handling of the yarn and needles, but she refused to give up. I suspect she undid as many rows as she knit in the first few weeks. Thankfully, she’d learned what she was doing wrong and was progressing nicely. Her biggest hindrance was lack of time.
“Are you saying I’m a quitter?” Jacqueline asked, challenging Alix.
“If the fancy shoe fits, then walk in it. It’s no biggie, right? You certainly won’t be missed by me.”
Jacqueline and Alix’s constant bickering wore on my nerves. But before I could react, Carol leaped in.
“I have news,” she said in a blatant effort to change the subject. I was grateful to her.
“Oh, good.” I didn’t bother to hide the relief in my voice.
“Monday morning Doug’s taking me in for the last IVF attempt.”
Although she presented a cheerful facade, I sensed—and I’m sure the others did, too—a deep-seated fear. I hoped everything would work this time and Carol would carry the pregnancy full-term. She’d been going in for regular appointments, although she hadn’t given us details. She’d talked briefly to the group about her fertility problems and a bit more to me privately, but not much. My heart ached for her.
To my surprise, it was Jacqueline who spoke first. “Oh, my dear, I certainly wish you success. Reese and I only had the one child and we longed for a second.”
“At this point Doug and I would be ecstatic with just one.” Her smile trembled.
“I so wished for a daughter.”
“Didn’t you mention that your son and his wife are having a girl?” I seemed to remember that from an earlier conversation with Jacqueline.
“Yes.”
Jacqueline had been suspiciously quiet about her son and Tammie Lee lately. It made me wonder if something had happened that she preferred not to discuss. With her it was hard to tell. While Carol and Alix had grown comfortable with each other, Jacqueline remained emotionally distant. I had the impression that the only women she allowed into her life were her country club friends.
Alix kept her head lowered and concentrated on her knitting. “I think only people who really want kids should have them.” She’d said something similar to this earlier, I recalled. She seemed to have strong feelings about it. I could only assume that was because of her own experience.
“I do, too,” Carol agreed. “What I don’t understand is why so many couples who love children seem to have such difficulty getting pregnant. When I think back on all the years I put off having a family, I want to weep. I thought I had lots of time, but how was I to know?” A pained look came over her.
“What about you?” Alix asked, glancing in my direction.
I was sure my face went scarlet, although why the subject of children should bother me, I don’t know. In response I shook my head.
“What?” Alix demanded. “You don’t want kids?”
“I’m not married.”
“That didn’t worry my mother. She was six months pregnant with my brother before she got around to marrying my father. It was the worst mistake of her life, she claims, but that didn’t stop her from having me.”
“A child can’t be blamed for the circumstances of his or her birth,” Carol said.
“Yeah, well, that’s not the way I heard it.” Alix jerked viciously on the ball of yarn. “It’s no big deal. I survived.”
“Surely a lovely young woman like you will marry one day,” Jacqueline said, directing the comment at me.
Jacqueline had a tendency to catch me off guard once in a while. Only moments earlier she’d expressed compassion and understanding for Carol, and her comment about me being lovely—well, that was an unexpected compliment.
“Thank you, but…” I let the rest fade. I’d rather not reveal the details of my life if I can help it.
“But what?” Carol pressed.