“That’s good.”
“Yeah, it’s great,” I agreed. “But I’ve got a few questions of my own, and if you don’t mind-”
“I’m sure you do,” he said. “But let’s take mine first, shall we?” He brandished a clipboard. “Forms to fill out, you know. And once that’s out of the way I’ll be better able to answer your questions.”
I nodded.
“Can you tell me the date?”
“Today’s date?”
“Yes.”
“Well,” I said. “The last I knew it was Tuesday, October fifth. I drank a glass of brandy. It wasn’t enough to get me drunk, so my guess is there was something in it to knock me out. And it feels as though it all happened an hour or two ago, but in that case I wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t be making a fuss over me. I’d have to guess that I’ve been unconscious for several days, so… do you want me to take a wild guess? I’m going to say it’s Friday, Friday the eighth of October.”
“And the year?”
“The year?”
“If you don’t mind.”
“That’s the sort of thing they ask people who’ve been hit over the head, to find out just how scrambled their brains are. Mine aren’t scrambled at all, or even shirred or poached, as far as I can tell. It’s 1972.”
“ 1972.”
“Uh-huh. Next I suppose you’re going to ask me who’s president.”
“And what would your answer be?”
“The trickster himself,” I said.
The woman looked puzzled. “The trickster?”
God, were they Republicans? But even a Republican would have had to have heard that sobriquet applied to our Gallant Leader. “Tricky Dick,” I said. “Richard M. Nixon. Only… wait a minute.”
“Yes, Mr. Tanner?”
“There’s an election coming up next month,” I said, “although the result looks like a foregone conclusion. But have I been out of it for a full month?”
“Does that seem possible to you?”
“No,” I said, “but neither does having a quiet drink with a friend” – I almost said comrade, but how would that go over with a pair of Republicans? – “and waking up here. Did they have the election already? And did McGovern somehow put it all together and come out on top?”
They looked at each other again.
“Just a few more questions,” the doctor began, but I wasn’t having any.
“No,” I said, “you answer a question for a change. Did they have the election?”
“Yes.”
“Jesus God. Did McGovern win?”
“No. Nixon carried every state but one.”
“Which one?”
“ Massachusetts.”
“God bless Massachusetts,” I said.
The woman said, “Do you feel all right, Mr. Tanner?”
“You people keep asking me that. I feel fine.”
“You’re holding yourself,” she said, “as if something’s wrong.”
I hadn’t noticed, but she was right. I had my arms folded, with each hand fastened on the opposite upper arm. For warmth, I realized.
“Now that you mention it,” I said, “I’m a little chilly.”
“The room’s quite warm,” she said.
“The room’s warm,” I allowed, “but I’m not. I feel chilled on the inside.”
“On the inside?”
“My bones feel cold,” I said. “The rest of me feels warm enough.”
“Have you ever felt like that before?”
“Not that I remember,” I said, “but then I don’t remember the presidential election, so who’s to say what else might have slipped my mind? He’s still president, is he? Dick Nixon?”
They hesitated, and that was answer enough. “My God,” I said, “he’s not, is he? Don’t tell me there’s been another assassination.”
“No.”
“Then what happened to Nixon?”
“He resigned.”
“He resigned? Presidents don’t resign. Ohmigod. If he resigned, that means Spiro T. Agnew is the president of the United States.”
They exchanged significant glances again. I was really beginning to wish they wouldn’t do that.
“Agnew resigned as well,” the doctor told me.
“They both resigned? Hand in hand, they kicked up their heels and quit?”
“Actually, Agnew resigned first. Gerald Ford was appointed to replace him.”
“The congressman from Michigan?”
“That’s right. Then Nixon resigned, and Ford took over, and he pardoned Nixon.”
“Pardoned him?”
“Yes.”
“For what?”
“For Watergate.”
“Watergate,” I said. “You mean that burglary? That blew up into something big enough to make Nixon and Agnew resign?”
“Agnew resigned because of something else. Some scandal, payoffs and kickbacks while he was governor of Maryland. Nixon resigned because he was about to be impeached, and that was because of Watergate.”
“I don’t know how you can remember all that,” the nurse said admiringly. “They taught us all that, but I can never keep it straight.”
“They taught you?” I said. “Who taught you?”
“You know. In school.”
But why would they have had to teach her? Wouldn’t she have lived through it?