Her eyes meet mine and a soft smile forms on her mouth as she whispers, “Trying to hate her was like trying to hate air. Bonnie became like a sister to me. Her dad was a drunk and her mom was dead. She needed us as badly as we needed her.
She, Edward, and I became a family of our own,” she reminisces, and I watch as tears fill her eyes. “When Bonnie found out she was pregnant, Edward was so excited he would tell absolutely anyone. All he talked about was making a better life for his girls.”
Her lips press together and her chin wobbles. “Hope was born on July twenty-forth at seven-twenty in the morning, She came into the world screaming at the top of her lungs. She’s still screaming,” she whispers the last part, leaning her body into mine. “I loved her from the first moment I held her in my arms, but she wasn’t mine,” she says then lets that hang before continuing.
“On August twenty-seventh, that changed. I was at work when I got a call from the highway patrol. They said Edward, Bonnie, and their daughter had been in an accident and I needed to get to the hospital. I don’t even remember getting in my car, or the drive to the hospital. I don’t even remember the police telling me Bonnie and Edward were dead. Everything was a blur. None of it felt real, and then they took me to the ICU.” She shakes her head. “The doctors and the police both said Hope shouldn’t have lived. They said she was lucky to be alive, but because she was so young, her body was still soft, and that saved her life.”
“Jesus,” I hiss, thinking about a life without Hope and how sad that life would be.
“She had small cuts and bruises on her face and hands, but she was okay. She was awake, and when I walked towards her, I could tell she knew exactly who I was. She knew me, and she was so small and all alone. We were both alone.”
Watching as silent tears fall from her eyes, I know how hard that must have been for her, how devastated she must have been.
“I was just nineteen. I didn’t know anything about raising a kid, but I knew I wouldn’t let Edward or Bonnie down. I knew they would want me to take care of her, to raise her, so after I rocked Hope to sleep in the ICU, I went in search of a social worker, and they told me what I needed to do in order to gain custody of her.”
“You’re so strong, baby.” I kiss the side of her head and breathe her in.
“Hope didn’t come from me, but she’s a part of me.”
“She’s your daughter,” I tell her softly, wondering how I could have thought otherwise before. My mom was right; you don’t have to give birth to a child to love it like your own.
“She knows about her dad and mom, but to her, they are nothing but pictures and stories I tell her. When she’s older, I hope I can make her understand Bonnie and Edward loved her more then they loved anything in this world, that they would have given up anything to stay here with her. But until she’s old enough to understand that, I’m all she knows.”
“I get that,” I tell her softly, pressing a kiss to her temple.
“I was jealous she wanted you today instead of me,” she says, and I hear her take a breath.
“I know,” I say gently then add, “I don’t want to take her from you, baby. I just want to be a part of your lives. I want to be one more person she knows who loves her, and I want us to have something solid, so one day we can all be a family.”
“Family,” she whispers, dropping her eyes again.
“I don’t know if you know this,” I say, running my fingers along her cheek until her eyes meet mine once again. “Lilly isn’t my mother. She didn’t give birth to me. My dad dated her when she was in college. Around the time my dad was going to ask her to move in with him, my birth mom, who my dad had a one-night stand with months before, told him she was pregnant. My dad believed he was doing the right thing, and he broke up with Lilly. He didn’t want her to be dragged through everything that was happening at the time. He and my birth mother got married, and my dad didn’t know he had also gotten Lilly pregnant. My birth mom, who is the definition of crazy, got a message from Lilly that was meant for my dad, telling him she was pregnant, and she replied back that she should have an abortion.”
“Oh, my God,” Ellie breathes.
“My birth mom and dad eventually divorced, and when I was three, my dad took me to this trampoline place, and Lilly was there with Ashlyn. He knew right away Ashlyn was his daughter, and he thought Lilly tried to keep her from him.”
“Poor Lilly,” she says in understanding, and my hand moves to wrap around the side of her neck.
“Eventually, my dad won Lilly over and they got back together, but from the moment I met her, I remember thinking I wanted a mom like her. She was the opposite of my mother. So nice, every time she talked to me, she spoke softly and made me feel important. Eventually her and my dad got married and she became my mom. I will always consider her my mom.”
“You get it,” she says softly, placing her hand against my chest over my heart.
“I get it,” I agree.
“I’m sorry about lunch. I…” She pauses, taking a breath. “I just…it’s always been just me and Hope. I’m not used to sharing her. I know it sounds selfish, but I don’t want her to stop needing me.”
“That’s not going to happen, baby, and I don’t want to take her from you,” I promise.
“I know,” she says, leaning her head against my chest.