I trusted Nash implicitly. I had no idea why, but I did. “Yes, I trust you.” My voice was certain. I wanted to give that to him; I sensed he needed that.
“Thank you. Now, about those insecurities of yours... I’m not interested in anyone else. I only want you, Velvet. I haven’t been interested in a relationship with anyone for ten years, baby, so when I tell you that I want one with you, that should tell you how serious I am about this.”
My belly fluttered. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. He’d completely flabbergasted me. He knew it, and curled his arm around my waist, and pulled me close. His lips swept across mine softly before he asked, “Are we on the same page, sweet thing?”
Still at a loss for words, I whispered, “Yes.”
It was enough for him. He smiled and nodded. “Thank fuck for that.”
***
Later that night, after he’d blown my world with his mad sex skills, I curled up next to him in his bed. I snuggled into his chest and he put his arm around me, letting his fingers trail up and down my back.
“Can I ask you something?” he said, a serious tone to his voice.
“You can ask me anything,” I said because I was fast getting to the point where I would trust him with everything.
“Are you close to your father?”
Shit, that question had come out of left field. “No, I don’t have anything to do with him.”
“Tell me about him, sweetheart.” His fingers continued to caress my skin, loving me with their touch; making me feel safe with him.
“He’s a cheating, lying criminal who never cared about my mother or me and my sister.” In my mind, that covered everything he needed to know about my father.
Nash wanted to know more though. “He cheated on your mother?”
“Repeatedly. One of my earliest memories is of my father with another woman on our couch. Turned out she was a friend of my mothers, and stayed over one night after a party. My father screwed her while my mother was asleep upstairs.”
“Are they still together?”
“God, no! She left him when he went to prison the first time about ten years ago.”
Nash was taking this all in, and I loved that he was interested to know about my family. “Where is he now, babe?”
“He’s in prison again. This time he’ll be in there for awhile because he got mixed up in some bank robberies and they assaulted some of the security guards.” My jaw hurt from clenching it and the first stirrings of a headache surfaced. Talking about my father always upset me.
“So, it’s just been you, your mother and sister for awhile now?”
I bit my lip, not wanting to answer this question. But I had to be honest with him; he’d been honest with me about his stuff so far, it was only fair. “I walked away from my family when I was twenty. Growing up, I’d been embarrassed by them. Kids at school used to pick on me about my white trash family because it was common knowledge what a lowlife my father was. When I got the marks at school to be offered a scholarship to university, I took it and ran.”
Most people were stunned when they discovered I’d studied at uni, but Nash didn’t blink at it. He simply asked, “What did you study?”
“Law.”
“You’re a lawyer?”
I made a habit not to carry bitterness about my past actions, but this was the one area in my life I struggled not to be bitter about. “No, I never finished the degree. I fell in love and gave it all up.”
He was incredulous. “You gave it up for James?”
“Yes. He was everything I never was, and he wooed me with all that glitters.” It was painful to admit that I’d fallen for him and what I thought a life with him would mean.
“I just don’t see it, babe. He’s an asshole. And the Velvet I know doesn’t give a shit about money.” He was struggling to believe me, and I liked that. I liked that he didn’t see me as that person because she was shallow, empty woman.
“Nash, I’ve changed a lot since then, but back when I met James, I would have done anything to escape my background. I thought that I could change everything about me and my life, and it would make me happy. When he asked me to be his wife, I honestly thought he was everything I’d ever wanted. And I didn’t have to think twice when he suggested I give up my studies to concentrate on building a family with him. I’m just lucky that my mum and sister welcomed me back with open arms when I finally walked away from him.”
Something shifted across Nash’s face and I felt his body tense. His voice was gruff when he asked me, “You wanted kids with him?”
My heart ached dredging this up. “Yes,” I whispered, “It was all I ever wanted. The idea of creating my own family that I could love and give everything to that I never had, that was what kept me going some days.”
Nash stopped caressing my back. His hand stilled as he asked, “What happened, sweetheart?”
I swallowed, the tightness in my throat making it hard. I raised my eyes to look at his face. The concern I found there reached out and touched me lovingly. In that moment, I fell a little more. “I fell pregnant pretty much straight away but I miscarried. And James kept getting me pregnant only to lose the baby each time. Falling pregnant was never hard, but I just couldn’t carry a baby to term. With every baby lost, James became more of an asshole and chipped away a little more of my self belief each day. Until the day he decided I was useless to him, and he erased me from his life.” My voice caught and I held back a sob. It wasn’t the memories of James that threatened tears; I mourned my lost babies. When the one thing you want in life is given but then ripped from you, over and over, it causes wounds that never truly heal.