"Okay, okay." Willem got to his feet. He hesitated. "But you stand up for yourself, too, okay?"
"Yeah, sure."
Vivian walked down Lincoln Avenue toward the park. She was going to stop moping and stand up for herself, like Willem had said. There was a free concert this evening: six local bands hoping to draw new fans into the college bars up the road. The Amoeba would certainly be there, and Aiden with them. She'd been making life too easy for him; it was time to make him look at her and remember how beautiful she was; then maybe he'd realize what a fool he'd been for rejecting her.
She had brushed her tawny hair until it shone, and summer highlights made it shimmer with silver fire. Her cropped shirt revealed her flat, taut belly above her low-slung skirt. Her flesh was smooth, soft, and golden.
A sign on a telephone pole caught her eye; it was the third one she'd passed. This time she stopped to read and discovered a message from the police, warning the public to avoid any large dogs they saw running loose. She snorted with amusement. She suddenly felt better than she had for days.
Vivian was walking under the raspberry sherbet froth of a crepe myrtle when she heard the growl of a motorcycle approaching. She expected it to scream past and was surprised when it slowed to a grumbling presence beside her. She glanced over to see Gabriel's black Harley pacing her. Gabriel's expression was dark and brooding and a streak of fear ripped through her. Then he grinned and cut the engine.
She stopped when his bike stopped, as if unable to control her movements.
He looked her up and down, the admiration clear on his face. "All alone, baby? I find that hard to believe."
"Then don't," she said. Why had he come to ruin her good mood?
He ignored her terse rudeness. "Rumor has it your boyfriend broke up with you."
"Does everyone know my business?" she snapped.
"What puzzles me," he continued, "is why?"
"That's nothing to do with you," she said, and began to walk again. Inside she quivered. What was he getting at?
Gabriel pushed his bike along beside her. "I mean, look at you. He must be out of his mind. Where would someone like him find another like you?"
Vivian walked faster.
Gabriel matched her pace.
"You'd have to work hard to put off a horny young guy like that."
Vivian turned on him, furious. "Go to hell!"
His eyes mocked her. "Was it something you said, perhaps?"
Vivian didn't know whether to scream or hit him. She was damned if he would see her cry. Even if he deserved an explanation, which he didn't, she could never tell him the truth. If he knew she was capable of betraying what she was to an outsider, then he might believe she was capable of other betrayals.
"Vivian." His eyes lost the mockery they had held a moment before. "If you ever want to talk, you may be surprised at what a good listener I can be." The dark purr of his voice was almost soothing. "If you're in a muddle, I'm good at untying knots," he said. "And if something comes up that ..." He thought for a moment as if choosing his words. "That even you can't handle, I've got muscle to spare. No questions asked. Okay?"
She had never thought of him as kind, but for a moment she wanted to fling herself into his arms and tell him everything. The moment passed. That would be stupid. Right now he thought her a lovesick girl, that was all, and perhaps he was only taking advantage of her grief.
"Thanks for your concern," she said, and wished she could sound gentler.
"Want a ride?" he asked. "Going to the concert, right?"
She thought a second. "Yeah," she said as a sort of apology. Anyhow, it would do Aiden good if he saw her arrive with a suitor the other girls obviously found desirable.
As she threw a leg over the bike, she noticed the duffel strapped on the back. "Going somewhere?"
"Coming back," he answered. "I went to Pennsylvania. There's a pack up there. I wanted to find out if they'd had any rogue wolves there recently - a renegade out for human blood who might have run this way."
"Any luck?" She didn't expect him to say yes.
"Nah. I'm going down to Charleston tomorrow, to see what they have to say." He kicked the bike's engine into life. "If they hadn't scrubbed down that parking lot I might not have had to go through this," he yelled over the engine. "Maybe I could have picked up a scent."
Vivian silently thanked Tooley for his cleanliness. But what if that hadn't been her spoor in Tooley's parking lot? Life would have been miserable, but less complicated. Ah, but what if it had been? Vivian looked at Gabriel's powerful shoulders and shivered.
Gabriel pulled away from the curb, and Vivian steadied herself by lightly holding his waist above the dusty leather jacket he'd knotted around his hips. There was no softness to his midsection. If he had been any other male, she would have run her hands up his muscled back and explored the hardness of him; she would have pressed herself close and teased him. But this was Gabriel. He didn't behave like other males.
She didn't know how to act with him. A nervous thought skittered through her mind: If she made him her lover would he protect her? Or would he kill her just the same if she was the rogue? I'm crazy, she thought, warding off the idea.
At the park he jumped the curb, and she clutched him despite herself and heard him laugh over the roar of the engine. He cruised down a tarmac path, ignoring the shouts of an elderly man in green work pants, and brought her right into the audience. The crowd parted like the Red Sea. Some people laughed and cheered, others feigned disinterest. If she wanted attention, she had it, but she didn't care. There was only one person she was interested in.
She scanned the crowd. There, close to the makeshift stage, she spotted Quince and Bingo. They had turned like the others to find the source of the noise. Quince raised his arm to wave to her, then lowered it quickly when Bingo elbowed him. Around them were others she knew. Her breath caught in her throat when she spotted Aiden. He was staring right at her, his mouth slightly parted.
She ripped her gaze away and climbed off the bike. What do I do? What do I do? Against all common sense, she stepped up on the footrest and pressed her lips to Gabriel's. Oh, Bloody Moon, I'm an idiot, she thought. It was meant to be a brief kiss to make Aiden jealous, over before Gabriel realized what was happening. She didn't expect the swiftness with which he encircled her waist with his arm. Suddenly she found herself half across the gas tank and crushed against his chest, her feet off the ground, metal digging into her right knee. His practiced tongue parted her lips while she clung to him to stop herself from falling. She felt the heat of him searing her through his shirt and smelled his musky scent growing rich and suggestive. Then he let her go, and she slid to the ground and staggered backward.
His eyes smoldered beneath half-closed lids. "Don't use me," he growled. Then he revved his engine, echoing the threat. She watched him leave, her face blazing, her breath harsh in her throat. Damn him, she cursed silently. He couldn't be controlled. She resisted the urge to swipe at anyone she found looking at her.
I knew Gabriel wouldn't be fooled, she complained to herself as she made her way through the crowd. So why did I go right ahead and kiss him anyway? Seeing Aiden must have made her brain soft.
It wasn't hard to charm a young man into making space for her a few yards away from the Amoeba. She saw Aiden glance nervously over. Good, he knew where she was. She smiled to think of how his eyes would keep on creeping back to her no matter how he tried to look away. I'll have him, she thought.
Aiden stood. Vivian's heart leaped. He was coming to her. She wouldn't have to patiently seduce.
But he didn't turn her way. Kelly ran through the crowd. She flung herself into his arms, and he hugged her and laughed while she kissed his neck.
A hot sun of rage rose in Vivian's breast.
Chapter 23
23
Vivian waited until it was dark to leave. She was damned if Aiden would see her driven away. She watched two bands perform through tear-blurred eyes, but the music was meaningless noise - she never clapped, and she never rose to dance like the others around her - and each peal of laughter that drifted over from the Amoeba made her stomach clench and her shoulders stiffen, until she was almost rigid with anger. She wouldn't look that way or she would shatter, for sure.
"You all right?" the guy beside her asked, obviously longing to comfort her.
"Yeah." The word came out a harsh whisper, and she shook her head when he tried to put his arm around her. He backed off, grabbed a beer from his buddy, and yelled encouragement at the stage, covering rejection with bravado.
Finally the dusk deepened and the bright stage lights came on, blinding the audience to those around them. When everyone stood to cheer the outgoing band, Vivian stood with them and slipped off.
She picked her way through the crowd, between blankets and coolers, over legs and backpacks. She passed couples tangy with sweat and cheap wine, and groups of young men reeking with the burping ripeness of beer. Across the cooling air drifted the smoke of cigarettes and marijuana. She cursed them for their happy oblivion.
She found the river and followed it upstream toward her home. When she was back in her territory, she dove into the tall grass and rolled there, clutching herself as if to crush the pain, but her misery broke loose and she shrieked her curses at the sky. She raged at herself and the boy, and cried hot tears.
"I am beautiful!" she screamed hoarsely. "Why can't he see that?" She ripped at the grass, dug holes in the earth, and flung the soil into the night.
She didn't hear someone approaching.
"Jeez, Viv, could you make a little more noise?"
Vivian went rigid, her hands clutching the front of her shirt. One lengthening nail snicked through the cotton and pricked her chest.
Rafe sauntered around her and bent to peer in her face. "Upset?"
"Fuck you."
"Why don't you take care of him, Viv? He deserves it. You could do that - couldn't you?"
She lunged at Rafe and tried to tear off a piece of his face.
He jumped back, laughing. "Save that for your meat-boy, Viv." Then he was gone.
Vivian curled into a ball to stifle her sobs, ashamed that Rafe had seen her out of control. After a while, even her crying ceased, and she crouched in the prickling grass with her arms tight around her knees, her nose full of the dust of summer hay. Gradually she slid to her side in a crumpled rag-doll heap.
There was rustling in the grass, and this time Vivian recognized the leather and tartness that was Rafe before he reached her. She could feel him standing over her but she ignored him. He nudged her gently with his toe, then slid something long, cold, and smooth into the crook of her arm. She opened her eyes and bared her teeth at him.
"It doesn't solve anything," he said, and she was taken aback by the unaccustomed pity in his eyes. "But it makes you numb for a while." Then he left.
He had given her a bottle. She didn't even bother to read the label, but unscrewed the top and took a swig. She sputtered, losing half her mouthful in a spray. She was prepared for the second mouthful, even though every drop carved a burning path to her gut. The third gulp brought on the beginnings of the promised numbness. I owe Rafe one, she thought, and laughed bitterly. She wondered if the whole bottle would wipe out her pain, or would it kill her?
If they find me dead of alcohol poisoning in the morning, that'll serve Aiden right, she thought. He'll know it's his fault. She took another swig. Everything's his fault. And another swig. I was okay before he hurt me. And another swig. I never had a blackout before. I never woke up with blood all over me before. It's all his fault. I might have done something terrible, and it's ... all... his.. .fault.
The more she drank, the more reasons she found to hate him.
And then he flings that bitch in my face, she fumed. Kelly had been waiting for this chance all along. How long did it take her to show up on his doorstep after she found out we'd split? Vivian wondered. Not long, I bet. Dammit, if that cow had left him alone, I'd have him back. The scheming, filthy little white-fleshed grub.
I wanted to love you, she thought miserably as she held the bottle in an embrace.
The liquor didn't burn now, but was warm and comforting; thinking of Kelly and Aiden burned.
I'd like to feel my teeth in her throat, Vivian thought. I'd like to slit her gullet. But the image of a yellow police ribbon came to her unbidden, and she shook her head violently. The action left her feeling slightly sick. No, no, she thought. Bad girl. Can't do that, can I? Then an idea brought a thin smile to her lips, and made the warmth of the liquor burn brighter. But I could scare her real good.
"And where might I accomplish this delicious task?" she asked aloud. Her words slurred, and for some stupid reason this made her laugh. "Where, where ..." She laughed again. "I know where you live, Kelly." She almost sang the words.
She struggled to her feet and tottered a few steps, and when she remembered the bottle she almost fell over retrieving it.
It took Vivian twenty minutes to lope down deserted, lamplit streets to Kelly's home, and her gait became steadier as she found her rhythm. At the house she looked around to see if anyone watched, then slunk into the shadow of the hedge that bordered the side of the yard.
There was a car in the driveway of the small brick rambler, and all the windows were dark, but the lights on either side of the front door were on. It was way after midnight; was Kelly not home yet?
Vivian opened the bottle and took a drink, then leaped a white picket fence into the backyard. Her landing was more of a stagger. She could taste the liquor when she inhaled, as if she breathed its vapor instead of air.