“Because I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of the fact I am still your friend. But I will tell you that just because I don’t care about the opinions of others, I do care that you’re using me.”
“I’m not using you. I’m calling in what I’m owed.”
His shoulders tensed and he scowled. Raking his fingers through his hair, he muttered, “Jesus Christ, is that fucking deal ever going to stop haunting me?”
“The old me would have said yes, but the new me can’t. You know that.”
“I liked the old you much better.”
“Yeah, well you should forget her because she’s never coming back. Now we both have to deal with Billy and whatever he throws our way.”
“You have a choice when it comes to Billy, but I don’t seem to have that luxury.”
I stared at him. “You think I had a choice when he was the only one offering me a job in this fucking city?”
“You always had a choice, Tatum, you just made the wrong one. And you still are. You’re smarter than this life you’ve chosen.”
A shiver of annoyance ran through me. He had no idea why I’d made the choices I did. “You know what, Duvall? Billy might be a criminal and involved in some dirty shit, but for the first time in my life, I feel accepted, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for when I worked on the other side of the law.”
He raised his brows. “Involved in some dirty shit? That’s a fucking understatement. The man runs one of the dirtiest operations in this state. Hell, he is the definition of dirty. You’ve changed completely since you left the law—tattoos, gambling, drinking… if that’s what feeling accepted does for you, I’d hate to see what not feeling accepted would look like.”
I shifted forward in my seat. “I haven’t changed. I simply stopped trying so hard to be something I wasn’t.”
“No, Tatum, you let yourself be swallowed by the filth and the grime. You took so many wrong turns that you just don’t know the right way anymore. Saying yes to the devil too many times will do that to a person.”
He wasn’t wrong, but I also believed the devil had a way of showing a person who they really were underneath all the layers of pretence society encouraged. “I just let my demons out to play, Duvall.”
His eyes turned cold before he averted his gaze, looking at something over my shoulder. He was silent for a moment except for a few angry breaths. Then he turned his attention back to me and leaned his arms on the table. “Whatever it is you need from me today, you’ve got, but if you still want a friendship with me, this is the last time. And for the record, I would have loved you, demons and all. You didn’t have to hide them or pretend they didn’t exist.”
Heaviness settled deep in my chest at his declaration. I wanted to reach out and touch him, maybe hold his hand, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Duvall wanted something from me I didn’t have to give. Not anymore. Instead, I pulled a slip of paper out of my bag and slid it across the table to him. “I need these charges to either go away or for her to be given a good behaviour bond only.”
He took the paper, his eyes never leaving mine. Searching for something. What, I wasn’t sure. He’d never find it, though. Duvall was always looking for the good in people, the redeemable. I didn’t have much of either anymore.
As I walked away from him a few minutes later, I said, “For the record, you could never have loved my demons, Duvall. If you got a good look at them, you’d run as fast as you could. And I wouldn’t blame you.”
* * *
“Holy fuck, Tatum. Who the hell did that to you?” My cousin, Monroe, stared at me in shock, her heavily made-up eyes glued to the bruises visible on my arms, neck and face.
I grabbed her around the arm as I moved past the front counter of her tattoo parlour where she stood. Pulling her with me, I said, “You need to make me a coffee.”
Her brows arched. “Shit.” She knew that meant I had something to tell her that she probably wouldn’t like. Glancing at Fox, the only staff member there that day, she said, “I’ll be out the back for a bit. Yell if you need me.”
He looked up from the tattoo he was working on, showing me those beautiful blue eyes of his that I could get lost in for hours, and smiled as he nodded. Fox and I had a history of the kind of sex you had when you were lonely or just needed to work the tension out of your body. He was the perfect guy for that, being that he ran from relationships as much as I did.
When I had Monroe alone in her staff kitchen, I closed the door and took a moment to collect my thoughts. “He’s dead.”
She stilled and her breathing slowed. Her long eyelashes did a slow sweep of her skin as she closed her eyes briefly. She then exhaled the kind of breath that felt like it had been trapped inside for years. I knew, because I’d exhaled that same breath. “Good.”
I leaned against the counter, placing my hands on it either side of me. “He did this to me.”
She lowered her gaze to take in the bruises again. “Babe, how are you even opening that eye? It’s so fucking swollen. And how the hell did you go from him beating you to you killing him? Have you got some Lara Croft moves I don’t know about? Why the hell were you alone with him? And did you go to the doctor? I can take you if you haven’t.”
I smiled. Monroe was my person, and she always wrapped me in love. She never failed to find a way to sprinkle some light over my darkness. “Billy called a doctor this morning. Nothing broken and nothing they can do for me. I’ll heal in time.” I lowered my voice, although I wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like speaking softly would change anything about what I was going to tell her. “I found him at the casino and went back to his room with him. I would have killed him if things hadn’t turned to shit. A Storm biker saved me. He killed him.” We never had secrets and I knew she would keep this information to herself.
Her eyes widened. She knew this was bad news. Monroe had been around the block a few times with me; she understood how this city worked. “Fuck, the fucking irony. You replace one nightmare with another, and they both involve bloody bikers.” She frowned. “He left you there?”
I shook my head. “No, he took me with him. I know you don’t love Billy, but I’m only breathing today because of my association with him.”