'There's a man waving aflagl' Vimes turned. Surprisingly, it was Reg. Some of the men had brought out the old flag from Tilden's office and stuck it on the barricade, and Reg was the sort to wave any flag going. 'Probably high spirits, sir,' said Vimes. 'Don't worry. We're all fine.'
'It's a damn barricade, man. A rebel barricade!' said the second trooper. Oh boy, thought Vimes. They have shiny, shiny breastplates. And wonderfully fresh pink faces. 'Not exactly. In fact it's-'
'Are you stupid, fellow? Don't you know that all barricades are to be torn down by order of the Patrician?'
The third horseman, who had been staring at Vimes, urged his horse a little closer. 'What's that pip on your shoulder, officer?' he said. 'Means I'm Sergeant-at-Arms. Special rank. And who're you?'
'He doesn't have to tell you that!' said the first trooper. 'Really?' said Vimes. The man was getting on his nerves. 'Well, you're just a trooper and I'm a bleedin' sergeant and if you dare speak to me like that again I'll have you down off that horse and thump you across the ear, understand?' Even the horse took a step backwards. The trooper opened his mouth to speak, but the third horseman raised a white-gloved hand. Oh dear, thought Vimes, focusing on the sleeve of the red jacket. The man was a captain. Not only that, he was an intelligent one, by the look of him. He hadn't mouthed off until he'd had a chance to assess the situation. You got them sometimes. They could be dangerously bright. 'I note, sergeant-at-arms,' said the captain, enunciating the rank with care and without apparent sarcasm, 'that the flag over the barricade is the flag of Ankh-Morpork.'
'It's the one out of our Watch House,' said Vimes, and added, 'sir.'
'You know that the Patrician has declared that the building of barricades is an act of rebellion?'
'Yessir.'
'And?' said the captain patiently. 'Well, he would say that, sir, wouldn't he . . .' The faintest hint of a smile skimmed across the captain's face. 'We can't allow lawlessness, sergeant-at-arms. If we all disobeyed the law, where would we be?'
'There's more coppers per person behind that barricade than anywhere else in the city, sir,' said Vimes. 'You could say it's the most law-abiding place around.' Now there was the sound of raised voices from behind the barricade. '-we own all your helmets, we own all your shoes, we own all your generals, Touch us and you'll loooose . . . Morporkia, Morporkia, Morpooroorooorooooorrroorrr-'
'Rebel songs, sir!' said trooper number one. The captain sighed. 'If you listen, Hepplewhite, you might note that it is the national anthem sung very badly,' he said. 'We can't allow rebels to sing that, sir!'
Vimes saw the captain's expression. It had a lot to say about idiots. 'Raising the flag and singing the anthem, Hepplewhite, are, while somewhat suspicious, not in themselves acts of treason,' said the captain. 'And we are urgently required elsewhere.' He saluted Vimes, who found himself returning the salute. 'We shall leave you, sergeant-at- arms. I trust your day will be full of interest. I fact, I know it.'
'But it's a barricade, sir,' the trooper insisted, glaring at Vimes. 'It's just a pile of furniture, man. People have been spring cleaning, I expect. You'll never be an officer if you can't see straight. Follow me, if you please.' With a last nod to Vimes, the captain led his men away at a trot. Vimes leaned against the barricade, put the crossbow on the ground, and fished out the cigar case. He fumbled in his pocket, pulled out the battered carton of little cigars and, with some delicacy, slotted them into place. Hmm. To the left was Cable Street. In front, Treacle Mine Road stretched all the way to Easy Street. Now, if a man could get barricades all the way up to Easy Street, there'd be quite a slice of the Lower Rimside behind it, which'd be a lot easier to protect. . . We 'II do it. After all, we did it. Of course, that'd mean having the Unmentionables' headquarters in here with us. That's like pitching your tent over a nest of vipers. We 'II handle that. We handled it. A couple of elderly people pushing a cart full of miscellaneous belongings approached the barricade. They gave Vimes a look of mute pleading. He nodded towards it and they scuttled through. All we need now is- 'Sarge?' Fred Colon was leaning over the top of the heap. He looked more out of breath than usual. 'Yes, Fred?'
'There's lots of people coming across the Ron's bridge. There's things happening everywhere, they say. Shall we let 'em in?'
'Any soldiers?'
'I don't reckon so, sarge. It's mostly old people and kids. And my granny.'
'Trustworthy?'
'Not when she's had a few pints.'
'Let them in, then.'
'Er . . .' said Colon. 'Yes, Fred?'
'Some of 'em is watchmen. A few of the lads from Dimwell and a lot from Kings Way. I know most of 'em, and those I don't are known to the ones I do, if you catch my meanin'.'
'How many?'
'About twenty. One of 'em's Dai Dickins, sergeant at Dimwell. He says they were told they'd got to shoot people and most of 'em deserted on the spot.'
'Quit, Fred,' said Vimes. 'We don't desert. We're civilians. Now, I want young Vimes and you and Waddy and maybe half a dozen others out here fully kitted up in two minutes, understand? And tell Wiglet to organize squads ready to move the barricades forward at my signal.'
'Move them, sarge? I thought barricades stood still!'
'And tell Snouty he's got two minutes to find me a bottle of brandy,' said Vimes, ignoring this. 'A big one.'
'Are we taking the law into our own hands again, sarge?' said Colon. Vimes stared at the entrance to Cable Street, and was aware of the weight of the cigar case in his pocket. 'Yes, Fred,' he said. 'Only this time we're going to squeeze.' The two guards on the Unmentionables' headquarters watched with interest as the small contingent of watchmen marched up the street and came to a halt in front of them. 'Oo, look, it's the army,' said one of them. 'What do you want?'
'Nothing, sir,' said Corporal Colon. 'Then you can push off!'
'Can't do that, sir. I'm under orders.' The guards stepped forward. Fred Colon was sweating, and they liked to see things like that. It was a dull job, and most of the Unmentionables were out on more interesting assignments. They entirely failed to hear the soft tread behind them. 'Orders to do what, mister,' said one of them, looming over Colon. There was a sigh and a soft thud behind him. 'Be a decoy?' quavered Colon.
The remaining guard turned, and met a Mrs Goodbody No. 5 'Negotiator' coming the other way. As the man slipped to the ground Vimes winced and massaged his knuckles. 'Important lesson, lads,' he said. 'It hurts, no matter what you do. You two, drag these into the shadows to sleep it off. Vimes and Nancyball, you come with me.' The key to winning, as always, was looking as if you had every right, nay, duty to be where you were. It helped if you could also suggest in every line of your body that no one else had any rights to be doing anything, anywhere, whatsoever. It came easily to an old copper. Vimes led the way into the building. There were a couple of guards inside, heavily armed, behind a stone barrier that made them ideally placed to ambush any unwise intruders. They put their hands on the hilts of their swords when they saw Vimes. 'What's happening out there?' said one. 'Oh, people are getting restless,' said Vimes. 'Getting very bad across the river, they say. That's why we've come for the prisoners in the cells.'
'Yeah? On whose authority?' Vimes swung his crossbow up. 'Mr Burleigh and Mr Stronginthearm,' he said, and grinned. The two guards exchanged glances. 'Who the hell are they?' said one. There was a moment of silence followed by Vimes saying, out of the corner of his mouth: 'Lance-Constable Vimes?'
'Yessir?'
'What make are these crossbows?'
'Er . . . Hines Brothers, sir. They're Mark Threes.'
'Not Burleigh and Stronginthearm?'
'Never heard of them, sir.' Damn. Five years too early, thought Vimes. And it was such a good line, too. 'Let me put it another way,' he said to the guards. 'Give me any trouble and I will shoot you in the head.' That wasn't a good line, but it did have a certain urgency, and the bonus that it was simple enough even for an Unmentionable to understand. 'You've only got one arrow,' said a guard. There was a click from beside Vimes. Sam had raised his bow, too.
'There's two now, and since my lad here is in training he might hit you anywhere,' said Vimes. 'Drop your swords on the floor! Get out of the door! Run away! Do it now! Don't come back!' There was a moment of hesitation, just a moment, and then the men ran for it. 'Fred will watch our backs,' said Vimes. 'Come on . . .' All the Watch Houses were pretty much the same. Stone steps led down to the cellars. Vimes hurried down them, swung open a heavy door- And stopped. Cells never smelled that good at the best of times. At the best of times, even at Treacle Mine Road, hygiene consisted of a bucket per cell and as much slopping-out as Snouty felt inclined to do. But, at the worst of times, the cells below Treacle Mine Road never smelled of blood. The beast stirred. In this room there was a big wooden chair. In this room there was, by the chair, a rack. The chair was bolted to the floor. It had wide leather straps. The rack held clubs and hammers. In this room, that was all the furnishings. The floor was dark and sticky. Down the length of it, a gully ran to a drain. Boards had been nailed over the tiny window at street level. This wasn't a place where light was welcomed. And all the walls, and even the ceiling, were padded heavily with sacks stuffed with straw. Sacks had even been nailed to the door. This was a very thorough cell. Not even sound was meant to escape. A couple of torches did nothing at all for the darkness except make it dirty. Behind him, Vimes heard Nancyball throw up. In a strange kind of dream, he walked across the floor and bent down to pick up something that gleamed in the torchlight. It was a tooth. He stood up again. A closed wooden door led off on one side of the cellar; on the other, a wider tunnel almost certainly led to the cells. Vimes took a torch out of its holder, handed it to Sam and pointed along the tunnel- There were footsteps accompanied by a jingle of keys heading towards the door, and a light growing brighter underneath it. The beast tensed... Vimes dragged the largest club out of the rack and stepped swiftly to the wall beside the door. Someone was coming, someone who knew about this room, someone who called themselves a copper . . .
Getting a firm two-handed grip, Vimes raised the club- And looked across the stinking room, and saw young Sam watching him, young Sam with his bright shiny badge and face full of ... strangeness. Vimes lowered the club, leaned it delicately against the wall, and pulled the leather cosh from his pocket. Shackled, not quite understanding, the beast was dragged back into the night... A man stepped through the door, whistling under his breath, took a few steps into the room, saw young Sam, opened his mouth and then fell fast asleep. He was a big man, and hit the cobbles heavily. He had a leather hood over his head, and was naked to the waist. A big ring of keys hung from his belt. Vimes darted into the corridor behind the door, ran around a corner, burst into a small, brightly lit room, and grabbed a man he found in there. This one was a lot smaller, and suppressed a scream as Vimes dragged him up out of his chair. 'And what does daddy do at work all day, mister?' Vimes roared. The little man was suddenly clairvoyant. One look at Vimes's eyes told him how short his future might be. I'm just a clerk! A clerk! I just write things down!' he protested. He held up a pen by way of desperate demonstration. Vimes looked at the desk. There were compasses there, and other geometer's tools, symbols of Swing's insane sanity. There were books, and folders stuffed with paperwork. And there was a yard-long steel ruler. He grabbed it in his spare hand and slammed it on the desktop. The heavy steel made a satisfying noise. 'And?' he said, his face a few inches from the struggling man. 'And I measure people! It's all in the captain's book! I just measure people! I don't do anything wrong! I'm not a bad man!' Again the ruler slammed into the desk. But this time Vimes had twisted it, and the steel edge chopped into the wood. 'Want me to cut you down to size, mister?' The little man's eyes rolled. 'Please!'
