The syraza chimed in laughter. “You woke because he left, precious one.”
“Hunh?”
“There was a peace upon you while he was here,” she told me, “and you slept deeply and well. When he left, you reached for that peace like a blanket that had slipped from you, found it missing and so, awoke.”
The truth of it wound through me, and I smiled wryly. “He’s still going to be annoyed that he wasn’t here.”
“Yes, he will be,” she replied, violet eyes alight with amusement. “Take the opportunity to bathe, and you will feel more refreshed when he returns.” Her head tilted, and her eyes unfocused briefly. “He is still with Idris.”
I considered everything that had happened in the past few days, and my smile slipped a bit. “It scared me that I liked him so much.” I grimaced. “When we argued, it was like I lost something I couldn’t replace. I wondered if maybe it was just Stockholm Syndrome, where a prisoner begins to have, um, positive feelings for their captor, but now…” I shook my head.
The syraza leaned forward. “What you name ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ originates here.” She touched my forehead with a long finger. “Determine if the origin of your ‘like’ of him is here,” she tapped my forehead again, “or here,” she tapped my chest above my heart, “or somewhere beyond both.”
“Before yesterday, I was too confused to know.” I sat up and dragged my hand through my hair. “Something happened when we faced Rhyzkahl.” I paused, considered. “I’m not confused anymore. It’s not about weighing pros and cons in my head, and it’s not a weird falling-in-love thing. It’s…” I trailed off as I realized I didn’t have words for it.
“Beyond both,” Ilana said quietly. “Find the balance between the head, the heart, and that which lies beyond.”
“Easy for you to say,” I said with a smile. “But right now I’m going to take a nice long bath. Deep thinking will be a lot easier once I start feeling human again.”
I headed to the bath and lounged for awhile as I processed the events of yesterday. We’d beaten Rhyzkahl. Holy shit. We beat him. My argument with Mzatal seemed so trivial now, though I knew the core of it still mattered tremendously. I remained a prisoner because of the agreement, yet it was hard to even bring up the same feelings about it. A different light had been shed on the trust between us. I couldn’t explain it, but right now I knew I trusted him as much as I could trust anyone. More really.
My hands were nicely pruney by the time I dragged myself out of the bath-pool. I toweled off, slipped on a robe, and headed out, then paused at the sight of Mzatal standing in his usual spot on the balcony, looking out, hands behind his back.
I took a deep breath, padded out in my bare feet. I stood beside him, not saying anything.
“I brought you to these rooms so that I could watch over you,” Mzatal said quietly. He exhaled a low breath. “And, I wanted you close.”
It took me a few seconds to figure out what he was talking about. Then I realized. Oh, right. I moved out. Technically, this wasn’t my bedroom anymore.
He shifted and splayed his hands on the rail. “It cannot be like it was.”
“Well, I fucking hope not,” I replied, with perhaps a hint of acid in my voice. But then I sighed and shook my head. “I hope it can be better.”
“It already is,” he said. “So much has clarified.”
I looked over at Mzatal. I knew much had clarified for me, especially with regard to how much I trusted him. But how much had clarified for him? And, if so, in what way?
His left hand dipped into a pocket then placed a ring on the rail. My ring. The one I’d thrown against the wall. The lovely blue stone had a long crack in it.
I felt a flush rise and opened my mouth to apologize for treating his gift so poorly, but he spoke first.
“While I was on the balcony after leaving you in the workroom yesterday,” he said, voice low and resonant, “I had begun considerations for the restructuring of our agreement.”
I picked up the ring, ran my thumb over the fracture in the stone. “What sort of restructuring?” I asked, stomach suddenly knotted with tension.
He turned fully to me. “I would ask you to trust me as I trust you, and terminate the agreement altogether. It is a limiting factor.”
The tension dropped away so completely that for an instant I felt weightless. “I’d like that,” I managed to say through the near-dizzying relief. Mzatal enfolded me in his arms and bent his head over mine as he let out a long breath, murmuring something in demon.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Words of gratitude are not needed,” he replied. “I cannot give you what is already yours. But I accept them and offer mine to you. Dak lahn.” He pulled away only far enough to take the ring from my hand. “I will have the stone replaced.”
I shook my head. “No. Leave it. I want the reminder, corny symbolism and all.” I smiled and held my right hand up, palm down for him. A smile touched his mouth as he slid the ring onto the middle finger.
I tilted my head back to look up at him. “We kicked Rhyzkahl’s ass, didn’t we?”
His eyes crinkled as his smile widened. “Yes. And well.” But his smile faded a heartbeat later. “Kara,” he said.
Exhaling, I grimaced. “I know. It got out of control,” I said quietly. “I couldn’t stop it. I almost—”
“Yes, but you did not,” he interrupted. “It is not typical for a summoner to channel such energies and was too much without experience or training.”
I thought about that for a moment. “I had something similar on Earth, I mean as far as the big wild energy.” My gaze went to the distant sea. “My car went into a river, and I couldn’t get out. Thought I was going to drown. Then I felt the river and somehow used it to bust my way out of the car. That big power saved my ass there, too, but I never actually had control over it to lose.”
A thoughtful look came into his eyes for an instant, but then he gave me a reassuring smile. “I will help you learn to accommodate the grove flows,” he said. “It will be a powerful tool in our arsenal against Rhyzkahl and those who stand with him.”
“He’s not going to give up,” I said. “We need to get the damn beacon set for Szerain’s blade.” I thought back again to that last time on the beach. The discordance. I hadn’t trusted myself or Mzatal enough to push through and set the resonance properly. “I know I can do it now.”
“Yes, of this I have no doubt,” he replied, expression showing nothing but utter faith in me. He paused with an air about him as though deciding whether or not to continue, then drew a deep breath. “When I had you stand before the statue of Elinor,” Mzatal said quietly, “when you sank so deeply into her memories, you know that I came within a heartbeat of killing you.” He paused while my breath caught at the reminder of those moments of terror. “What would I have wrought had I slain you?” His expression briefly shadowed. “And what would have happened later had my focus not shifted to exploring your potential?”
“A world without me would suck, that’s for damn sure, and I’d be here haunting your ass,” I said with a touch of heat, but then shook my head. “Everything we do has consequences. Everything.” I looked up and met his gaze. “You had no right to do all the shit you did to me, but after going through what I’ve been through, and how we are now, I’m ready to live for this moment and the future.”
Mzatal exhaled, and his shoulders dropped a smidge as if a measure of tension unwound. “Everything has consequences,” he echoed, and I had the feeling the words touched far beyond the current topic. He shook his head as though to rid himself of whatever it was and gave me a smile.
“What made your focus shift?” I asked, watching his face for signs of anything he wasn’t speaking.
“With the Elinor memories, it was that you had the presence and will to extract yourself from them. Beyond that, I cannot tell you the precise instant, nor the trigger,” Mzatal said, closing his eyes and tipping his head back as though trying to recapture a distant moment. When he looked back to me, his expression held a measure of respect. “In a very short time, I came to know that you held a great love of life and possessed admirable tenacity. Both of these I acknowledged as highly desirable for a summoner, as well as useful for the retrieval of Vsuhl. But there was something…more.” He went quiet with brow furrowed, seeking words for the rest.
“I get it,” I said with a straight face. “You needed someone with devastating skills and mastery of the arcane in order to challenge Idris to move beyond the paltry efforts he’s shown thus far.”
Mzatal smiled. “This is a measure of your magic,” he said, eyes crinkling, “your ability to truly lift my spirits. It is a precious gift. And there was—is—a sense of potential beyond my known parameters. I did not, and do not, choose to lose it. Or you.”
I met his eyes with a serious gaze. “Mzatal, I promise you now that I will always be the person you can count on to bug the crap out of you and call you on your bullshit.”
“And I will hold you to that promise, Kara Gillian,” he said. Then, to my surprise, he let out a low laugh. “In reconsideration, perhaps I do know of two moments when I truly began to reassess everything about you.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him in question.
Smiling, he lifted his hand to his throat, middle finger extended. “When we were last at Szerain’s palace, after your injury, you touched the collar thus and said that you knew your place. I had no choice but to leave the room or laugh outright, completely dissolving my carefully maintained demeanor.”
I grinned. “And the other?”
“After I told you of Elinor’s energy signature. When you referred to it as,” his smile spread a bit wider, “‘Elinor’s magic kidney,’ again it was all I could do not to laugh.”