Chapter Ten
Two weeks passed. I’d only seen Adam in passing. I was invisible to him and that hurt more than I expected. He’d told me he wouldn’t speak of our connection again, but I didn’t believe him. Surely something so strong and primal couldn’t be ignored. Unfortunately, it could and was.
Sawyer and I continued to hang out sans sex. He’d been distant and not his normal mischievous self since that night Eve came to the house. We’d go fishing, hunting, and watch movies together, but he wouldn’t touch me.
Moving on and away from Adam was the smartest choice for everyone, and in time, I’d feel those feelings for Sawyer. I tried to kiss him and even snake my hand under his shirt a few times, only to watch him step back and out of my grasp. I figured he assumed I was Adam’s mistress and that was the reason for his cold demeanor, but I hadn’t asked. I didn’t want to speak about Adam. I needed to ignore him as much as he ignored me.
Tonight, Sawyer met me by the hidden lake where we’d first slept together. The sky was orange as the sun descended over the horizon. The warm wind hugged my body and offered a bit of comfort. I stared out at the still water, my arms across my chest. Sawyer walked up next to me and stared out at the lake too.
Looking over at him, I smiled at the way the glowing sunset highlighted his high cheekbones and dirty blonde hair. He can make you happy. I thought to myself and actually believed it. I’d spent the first week trying to convince myself of this fact, but each day got easier. The more I thought about it and spent time with him, I knew it wasn’t a lie. Sawyer was fantastic and beautiful and unlike Adam, he could be mine. I stepped closer, wrapping my arms around his side. I leaned on his shoulder. Sawyer’s body stiffened, but eventually his arms wrapped around me. I sighed in relief at not getting shunned again, and we watched the world reflect on our special lake.
“Anna, I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other,” Sawyer finally said.
I didn’t move. I knew this moment was coming. “Can I ask why?” I whispered as I watched a crow fly over the trees.
“I think you know why.”
“Adam?”
“Yes,” Sawyer said, his voice stiff.
“Nothing happened,” I told him. That wasn’t exactly true but Sawyer didn’t need to know all the details.
Sawyer stepped out of my embrace and turned to face me. “Perhaps not, but it will. I like you, Anna, but I’ve never seen you look at me the way you do him.”
“Sawyer, please don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s for the best.” Sawyer’s lips lifted in a sad smile. “A relationship doesn’t work when only one person is falling.”
It seemed I was always watching the men I cared about walk away. Maybe I should take that as a hint.
*
Although late, I headed around the back of the house and picked up the axe. My insides were twisted in irritation. I walked to the tree line and swung the axe against the base of a large pine. I needed to hit something, to channel my anger. I struck the tree over and over, Adam and Sawyer’s faces flashing through my mind. I hated this, hated that two men had affected me so intensely I was no longer sure of myself. I wasn’t that girl. I didn’t get caught up in relationships or second guess who I was.
“Hey, lumberjack,” a man called.
I turned around, a scowl on my face and a thick layer of sweat on my forehead. Joe stood on the deck. “There’s been a meeting called.”
“Of course there has,” I mumbled. I was in no mood to see Adam or Sawyer, let alone in the same room together. I swung the axe one last time, left it in the tree and headed for the house.
The living room was full of my pack, me being the last to show up. I glanced at Adam as I shuffled into the room, but he didn’t even gaze in my direction. Eve smirked at my disappointment, and my wolf snarled. Oh to smack that smug smile off her face.
“Okay, now that everyone is here,” Adam began, his voice sending tremors through my body. My wolf whimpered and howled for his attention, just a glance was all she needed. But Adam kept his eyes on those around me, avoiding the space where I stood. I’d spent the last couple weeks telling him no, and now I regretted it. Of course if I would have given into him and then lost him, it would’ve hurt ten times worse. If we ever slept together, there’d be no going back.
“The full moon is tomorrow night and although there haven’t been any more killings, our hunt will be different. We’ll be hunting up at Trigger Lake. It’s further away which will offer us safety should there be hunters in the area. We’re to leave at 7:00 p.m. sharp. That’s all,” Adam finished.
The pack dispersed to the kitchen where dinner waited. I stayed in the living room, leaning against the wall. My home had turned into a torture chamber. Seeing Adam caused me agony. I replayed his last words over and over and had them memorized. Once I was left alone, I headed up to the second floor. I made my way to the office and shut the door. Walking closer to the desk, I ran my fingertips over the spot Adam had sat. The memory of his hunger and dominance caused my need for him to build.
My hands trailed down my body, my fingers rubbing the spot that ached for him. Was it my face you saw when you looked at him? Rode him? Kissed him? His words floated through my mind, my fingers slipping under the hem of my shorts. Did you picture me slamming into you, filling you? A moan escaped my lips as I moved my hand deeper. I envisioned his blonde hair, blue eyes, and strong broad chest. The way those blue eyes lit up when they roamed my body. The way his hands felt against my skin. Licking my lips, I fantasized about his kiss and how he tasted on my mouth. The pressure built, my breaths becoming labored. Did you wish it was me between your legs?
“Yes!” I moaned, the pressure breaking free, sending cascades of pleasure washing through me. When I opened my eyes, my fantasy was gone. Staring back me was an empty office. Get yourself together!
Making my way downstairs, I headed for my bedroom. I wasn’t in the mood to eat. I lay on my bed and listened to the chatter of my pack laughing and talking amongst themselves. In a house full of people, I was alone. Even the wolf was depressed without Adam’s attention. I hated it. I was not a woman who needed a man to complete me. What the hell was wrong with me and when would it stop?
Two soft knocks sounded from my door. “Anna?” Elle peeked her head inside. I looked over at her with a straight face.
“Something wrong?” Elle sat on my bed, her long red hair falling forward.
“It’s not important,” I told her.
“It is if it’s bothering you. You know you can talk to me.”
I regarded her and thought about whether I should say what was abusing my mind. In the time I’d been living here, I never saw her with a guy or even seen any of the guys fight to mate with her. I watched her full green eyes, the sprinkle of freckles across her nose, and her full pink lips. She was beautiful.
“How have you kept the guys from wanting to mate with you?” I spoke before I thought about what I was saying. It wasn’t normal that someone who looked like her didn’t have men going insane.
“Oh, you noticed that, did you?” She looked away, almost uncomfortable.
“I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just you’re very pretty. Surely the men here have tried mating with you.” The main reason I was interested was so she could give me advice. I needed someone with experience to teach me how to survive this feeling.
“The men in our pack can tell what I am, so they don’t want anything to do with me, which is cool. But it does get a little lonely,” Elle said.
“What are you?” I asked dumbfounded.
Elle laughed. My face must have been as confused as my brain. “I’m gay, Anna. The men pick up on it and know that trying to get into my panties wouldn’t do them any good. I must give off different pheromones than other women.”
“Oh,” I said lamely. “I didn’t know.”
Elle shrugged. “I don’t advertise it. Being around a bunch of men who can sniff it out, there’s no need.” She watched me for a few moments. “So what’s bothering you?”
“Sawyer dumped me,” I told her. Of course I was bothered by the fact that Sawyer didn’t want to see me anymore, but the real reason was Adam and the unnatural pull I had towards him. As much as I liked hanging out with Sawyer, Adam was a constant thought on my mind.
“Can you blame him?” Elle said, surprising me.
“What does that mean?”
“I live in the same house. I know Adam has been pursuing you. I see the way you guys devour each other with your eyes. What man would want to compete with that sort of attraction?” Elle smiled.
“I don’t even want to compete with that sort of attraction. It’s driving me insane. I thought it was just because he was my alpha, but the other women don’t act like that around him.” I smiled. “I mean of course they find him attractive, you’d have to be blind not to, but I feel like…I don’t know.”
Elle was quiet for a moment. I looked up from the blanket I’d been wringing in my hands. “I sound like a pathetic loser, don’t I?”
“No, it’s not that. There’s a myth about wolves that I heard once, and it makes me wonder.”
“What? What was the myth?” Adam trained me on controlling the beast and hunting, but he’d never taught me the history of the werewolves. Up until now, I’d never thought about it. Becoming an animal kept my mind busy enough without piling on a history lesson.
“Long ago wolves only mated once they found what the Indian’s called their chante. It means heart. Wolves bonded for a lifetime when they found their heart. It’s said they knew this person by the overwhelming pull they felt towards them. Not just attraction, but like your soul is being physically drawn towards the other,” Elle paused. “I’m not saying that’s what’s going on with you and Adam, but what if it is? What if the stories aren’t just stories? Nowadays born wolves are paired up with other packs to form alliances. There hasn’t been a member that I’ve ever heard of who has found their chante.”