“Do you want to be my date for Hayley’s recital?”
He rubs his hands together. “Can’t wait. Little girls tripping over one another wearing funny shoes and little, fluffy skirts. What could be better?”
I get up and press a kiss to Henry’s weathered old cheek. “I wish you were my grandfather, Henry,” I say to him.
“Someday, when you get married, I get to walk you down the aisle. So reserve my space.”
“You got it, Henry.”
I go and pack my things because, very soon, I’m going home.
###
Henry and I make a stop on the way to the place where the recital is being held. My nerves are right on the surface as I ring the bell. Henry puts his hand on my shoulder. “Chill, dudette,” he says. He grins. “Did I say that right? I learned it from Pete.”
I shake my head. “You really shouldn’t repeat what Pete says, Henry. It’s not healthy.” I laugh at his crestfallen expression.
The door opens, and Jacob stands in the doorway. His mom is right behind him. Jacob sees Henry and steps behind Jill’s leg, and he wraps his arms around it, hiding his face.
Henry reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a piece of candy. He holds it out to Jacob. He looks up at his mom, and she nods. He reaches out and takes the candy, and Henry has made a friend for life that quickly.
“Thank you for letting me take him,” I tell Jill.
“Thank you for calling. I was worried that we would never see you again after Saturday.” She blows out a heavy breath.
“You can call me if you get worried,” I say. “I promise to keep my phone on.”
“I have a date planned,” she whispers loudly and dramatically. “I sincerely doubt I’ll call you for anything. But you can call me if you need me.”
I hold out a hand to Jacob, and he fits his tiny one into mine. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. He still doesn’t know who I am. He thinks I’m just a friend of Hayley’s, and he wants to go with me to watch Hayley dance. He has no idea that he grew inside my body, that he’s a part of me. But I’m closer to being able to tell him than I have ever been.
I take the bag that Jill hands me, and she bends down and kisses Jacob on the forehead. She lingers over him, and I’m guessing she’s taking in that little-boy scent just like I did at the park.
But then she steps back, waves to us, and we walk off hand in hand. My son has his hand in mine and we are walking down the street together like we’re just two people walking down a f**king street.
Henry dances a jig on the sidewalk beside us, and he teaches it to Jacob on the way to the auditorium. By the time we get there, they have become fast friends as they dance side by side. Jacob giggles, and Henry guffaws, and I am so damn happy that I could just burst.
Then I see Paul.
Paul
I look out at the audience through the curtain on the stage.
“She here yet?” Matt asks from over my left shoulder. He sets his chin on it and looks out, his face really close to mine.
“Get the f**k off my shoulder,” I grouse.
He steps back. “I guess that’s a no,” he says. “She told you she was coming, right?”
I nod. “For Hayley, though. Not for me. Because I made her feel guilty.”
“Hey, whatever works,” he says. He grins at me.
“Fuck you,” I say.
Hayley runs up to me from across the room and tugs on my pant leg. She holds out her hair bow. “My bow fell out.”
“Where’s your mother?” I ask.
She points toward the audience, and I see that Kelly is sitting with her fiancé. She looks anxiously toward the stage, her foot tapping.
I take the hair bow and fix Hayley’s hair, clipping it into place. I am a dad, but dads can fix hair. I just wanted her to find her mother so that I could keep looking for Friday. But I quickly realize how selfish that is and do what needs to be done. I’ve been fixing Hayley’s hair since she was a baby, and I still do it now, particularly when something goes wrong. Fuck gender stereotypes. Dads rock.
I know I give Matt a hard time about turning in his man card, but the true definition of manhood is doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done. It doesn’t matter if it’s fixing hair, changing the oil in the car, or washing dishes. If it needs to be done, it gets done. That’s manhood. It’s instilling in our daughters that dads can and will do anything that needs to be accomplished.
I want to be the be-all and end-all when it comes to my daughter. I want to be the man that every other man has to look up to. I will treat her like a princess because if I don’t, she might go out and latch on to the first man who does. So yeah, I open car doors and I take her on dates and I buy her flowers for no reason. Because I want her to know she’s worthy of all of those things. And I fix hair.
I pop her on the bottom, and she scowls at me before she smiles and runs back over to her friends. They’re all dressed in pink tights, tutus, and pink leotards. They have pink hair bows, and it’s like a pink elephant threw up all over the room. Except it’s really busy pink. Really busy. They’re so excited that they’re spinning around the room. Pink in motion.
I hear the dance teacher get up to start her first speech. Matt looks at me and wrangles his two girls—they’re also dressed in pink and performing tonight—into the groups where they’re supposed to be. I shift the edge of the curtain and look out. Then I see her, and my heart f**king stops.