Dorian’s arm went around my waist and pulled me against his side. We moved towards an empty booth, and I slid against the black vinyl and sat against the wall. I watched as Dorian walked up to the bar and ordered two drinks. A man he stood beside gave him a head nod that he returned, and when the bartender set the glasses on the bar, Dorian slid him cash.
“It’s a little early to be drinking.” I commented when he set the amber filled glass in front of me.
Dorian slid into the booth and brought the mug to his lips. “You need a drink, you’re too wound up.”
We stared at each other for a few moments. I lifted my glass and took a deep swallow of the beer. “Happy?” I wiped the foam from my mouth.
Dorian leaned back against the seat and appraised me. “You need to relax, Gwen. I can tell you’re all tight and twisted inside. The world is filled with problems, has been since the dawn of time, it’s not your job to clean it up.”
I arched an eyebrow and snickered. It sure as hell felt like it was my mess to clean up. The NAWC and Ian Despereaux were most definitely my problems. I wished I could have thrown my hands in the air and been done with it, but I couldn’t. “If I don’t clean it up, then who will? Are pixies going to come in and sweep all of my problems under the rug?” My throat suddenly felt dry. I hoisted my glass to my lips and flooded my mouth with the cold liquid. The beer did nothing to snuff my annoyance, but it had helped the dryness. I had no clue how to fix the problems I faced today when yesterday’s problems were still a mess.
“I wouldn’t put it past them, they love to clean.” Dorian laughed. I rolled my eyes and stared out the window. Cars crept along the snow covered road and a few humans walked down the sidewalk with shopping bags in hand.
“Pixies aside, I can’t ignore the complexity of my life, Dorian.” I looked over at him. “I wish I could, but it’s more difficult than you realize.” I’m sure he thought I was talking about the war, which was my number one hassle at the moment, but he didn’t know I was also bonded to Ian. No one did, besides Aiden, Micah, and Fiona.
“Because of your vampire?”
“No, well yes, but he’s only the tip of the iceberg that my life’s crashing into.” I didn’t really think of Aiden as a problem, except for the fact that I’d been ordered not to see him. At the mention of him, I wondered if he’d find anything that could help break my bond with Ian tonight. I didn’t know who he was meeting, but it made me smile that he was at least trying.
“Are you against the war?” Dorian took another long drink of his beer. I tucked my leg underneath me and swung my free leg under the table. “I’m against how it’s being executed. I don’t think we should kill those who are innocent. That is only going to get the entire vampire population to hate us. If we just went after the ones responsible, make examples out them so to speak, then that would show the vampires we’ll strike back should the problem ever arise again.” I leaned forward and rested my arms on the table as thoughts rushed through my mind. “Plus, what’s to stop the addiction? Are we going to be at war with vampires for the rest of eternity?” The more I thought about everything the more I didn’t understand any of it. Nothing Holly was doing made sense and would only cause more problems.
“Perhaps you should tell Holly your thoughts.” Dorian leaned forward and rested his arms on the tabletop, his hands only a few inches from mine. I drew my arms back and crossed them on the table. “I didn’t realize the Angel of Death had a sense of humor.” Telling Holly my reservations about her battle strategy would be like talking to a brick wall, useless.
“I have my moments.” Dorian wore sunglasses to hide his eyes, but I could almost see the dark clouds racing behind them. “Why don’t you change your eyes to match your appearance?” I hadn’t meant to say it aloud but my curiosity had formed itself on my lips before I could rein it in.
“It’s not a misconception when people say the eyes are the windows to the soul. I can change everything about my appearance except that.” A smile tugged at his lips. “Why, do they creep you out?”
“They did when I first saw them, but now I kinda find them fascinating.” I smiled. “Sorry that was rude, huh?”
“Not at all, I enjoy your honesty.” I wondered if he knew how refreshing that statement was. Not too many people appreciated honesty, not really. People want you to say what they want to hear. My foot had found refuge in my mouth on more than one occasion. I liked knowing that Dorian didn’t see it as a flaw.
A peaceful silence settled between us. We both drank our beers and enjoyed each other’s presence. It was something I hadn’t expected when we first entered the shoddy bar. When I finished the last of my drink, I made eye contact with Dorian. He was watching me, the thoughts evident on his face. I didn’t ask him what was on his mind; I really didn’t want to know. I just wanted to enjoy this time together and leave the drama buried. I didn’t want to dissect what that look meant.
“Hey, what made you choose this bar?” I looked around and couldn’t imagine the place being Dorian’s regular hangout. Then again, I didn’t know him that well.
“It’s part of the lesson.” He flicked his eyes to the roughnecks. “Do you feel it?” My lips tightened and I tried to sense whatever it was he was referring to but I came up with nothing. “What am I supposed to be sensing?”
“Death.”
“Death?” I frowned.
“You have to recognize it if you want to connect with it,” Dorian said.
I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to connect with it. Honestly, I don’t want anything to do with it.”
Dorian snorted. I knew he wouldn’t understand my unease about it; he was the Angel of Death after all. “I’ve told you, ignoring what you can do, won’t change who you are, Gwen. Holly wants you to learn this, therefore I am teaching you.” He paused. “Until you embrace who you fully are, you’ll never be whole. I’m sure over the years you’ve felt different than your friends without an understanding why. Once you learn how to harness and control your spirit walker self, you’ll be at peace with who you are. It’s an all-around win-win.”
I quietly grumbled. I knew he was right, I should learn who I really was. A small part of me was afraid to though. Reading the memories of the dead was creepy enough, but at least I was helping people when I did it. Dorian wanting me to connect with the darkness just to learn it scared me. Kye’s insane sister flashed in my mind and gave me enough reason to want to study to be a spirit walker. I didn’t know why she had gone insane, but I didn’t want to end up like her. “Alright, teach me, old wise one.” My sarcasm tended to show itself when I was scared or pissed, at the moment I was a little bit of both.
“Close your eyes.” Dorian instructed, ignoring my cynicism. My eyes snapped shut, and I waited for him to tell me what to do next. I heard the squeak of vinyl, and his body press along the side of me. Dorian slipped his hand underneath mine and made me to jump. “Keep your eyes closed.” I did as told, but my heart beat faster at our closeness. It seemed too intimate for a lesson.
“Now,” Dorian began, his lips entirely too close to my ear. I could feel his cool breath on my skin and it caused goose bumps to erupt along my body. “Do you feel it, Gwen? The cold darkness?” His lips touched my ear, and I almost jumped away, but his grasp on my hand tightened and stopped me. “Connect with the darkness, Gwen. Feel their souls calling to you.” His voice was low and soothing like a steady hum that relaxed me. The air around us dropped a few degrees and a slow breeze stirred my hair. A symphony of voices whispered on the wind and called to me. Although my eyes were closed, I could see the owners of the voices. Gray figures stood against the darkness of my eyelids and walked towards me. I bit my lip to stop my teeth from chattering when one of the spirits touched me. His hand rested on my shoulder and traveled down the length of my arm. Icy pinpricks danced in his finger’s wake and caused me to shiver.
Dorian released my hand and the spirits turned and walked back into the darkness. When my eyes opened everything came rushing back at once, the people talking in the bar, the music, the smokiness, and Dorian. It was so drastically different from the place I’d just been it took me a moment to get my bearings. “What happened?” My voice was a mere whisper. I looked over at Dorian, who still had his arm around my shoulders.
“What did you feel?”
I looked away because our faces were too close for comfort and focused on my hands. Visions of the gray figures occupied my mind as I tried to understand what had happened.
“It got cold and then I saw a crowd of gray figures,” I said simply and paused. “It was…peaceful almost, like a dream.” I glanced at Dorian and he smiled.
“I told you it wouldn’t always be scary.”
“But what happened?”
“I brought you here because most of these people are guilty of murder. Being close to those who’ve killed is the easiest way to connect with the dead. We can connect with their darkness and therefore connecting with the ghostly realm is easier.”
My eyes traveled over the bar patrons, and I saw them in a whole new light. Darkness clung to them and tainted their souls. I felt pain, hatred, and regret within them. Their emotions overwhelmed me and left me panting. My chest rose and fell heavily as I absorbed what they had done. “I need to get out of here.” I pushed against Dorian, and he slipped out of the booth. I quickly got to my feet and ran out of the door. The frigid winter air smacked my face as I burst through the bar doors. I leaned against the brick exterior of the bar and braced my hands on my knees as I bent over and sucked in the clean air.
Dorian followed me out and waited by my side while I tried to regain my calm. The experience had been fascinating, but seeing the people for what they’d done had been like a fist wrapping around my lungs. The fury and ugliness weighted and crushed me and revved my anxiety and fear. “You okay?” Dorian placed his hand on my back and I shrugged it off. I couldn’t have him touching me; it only made the connection to the dead and evilness of the people stronger.