I raised my head—slowly this time—and grinned up at Sora. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right.”
Sora shrugged. “It happens from time to time. Though I can’t blame you for tying one on; you’ve literally been to Hell and back.”
I sat up straight and looked out over the harbor. The sun was lower in the sky. It’d be setting in about an hour; it looked as if it was going to be a beauty, and I was going to be sitting right here to enjoy it.
“I can’t let what might or might not happen keep me from living my life,” I said. “And I have no right whatsoever to tell anyone else how to live theirs—or how to feel. I won’t let Carnades and men like him ruin however long any of us have left.” I looked down in my mug; it was about half full. I set down beside me. “I’m done. I need what wits I’ve got left intact.” I sighed and grimaced. “I’ve got some thinking to do, but first I’ve got a rock to destroy.”
“Beautiful women getting drunk,” Phaelan said from behind me. “Mind if I join you?”
“Pull up another keg, Captain,” Sora told him. “This one’s about empty.”
“Is my cousin regaling you with stories about her exploits with the demon queen?”
Sora stretched her legs out, crossing them at the ankles. “I haven’t heard that one.”
I shot Phaelan an exasperated look. “Because there’s nothing to tell.”
“Nothing to tell? It was the best part of the whole day. Well, next to what I got to do.” He lowered his voice and grinned slowly. “But that’s highly classified information.” He winked at Sora. “Mine was more satisfying, but what Raine did trumped it for sheer entertainment value.”
I snorted. “For you.”
“Let’s let the professor decide. Raine started a catfight with the demon queen,” Phaelan said gleefully.
Soras’s brown eyes went wide. “A what?” Then she started to laugh. “Please tell me he’s kidding.”
“Afraid not.”
Phaelan chortled. “Two beautiful women, one of them naked, both rolling around on the ground. What’s not to enjoy?”
“That was insane,” Sora told me, incredulous.
I shrugged. “I know; but sometimes insanity works.”
“You won?”
“Not really.”
“You’re here; she’s not.”
“Uh, that was Tam’s doing.” I made a slashing motion across my throat. “With one of the Guardians’ green demon blades.”
“That’d certainly do it. But you attacked her?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“With her bare hands,” Phaelan chimed in.
“Hey, I had a reason. I had to get the Scythe.”
Sora’s brow furrowed. “I don’t think I’ve read or heard of anyone attacking the queen of demons before.”
“She did seem kind of surprised,” I admitted.
Phaelan draped an arm around my shoulders. “When word of this gets around, do you have any idea how this is going to enhance the family reputation? The one who isn’t even in the family business kicked the demon queen’s shapely ass.”
I raised a brow. “Shapely?”
It was Phaelan’s turn to shrug. “Call ’em as I see ’em. And thanks to you, I got to see everything.” His grin turned seven times wicked. “And with all that rolling around, I got to see everything at least twice. I’ve never been more proud to call you my cousin.”
I felt a presence brush my skin like fingertips. I stood, Phaelan’s voice fading into the background. I knew he was there before I could see him. I walked over to the railing and looked down at the dock.
Tam was standing alone, no dark mage hit squad, just him. His cloak blew back to reveal leathers and at least one blade at his hip. I was sure there were more. No battle braid contained his hair. It was down and blowing in the evening breeze. Sora was right; I had some damned fine taste in men.
Phaelan stepped up behind me.
“Permission to come on board, Captain Benares?” Tam asked formally.
Phaelan blew his breath out through his nose. He wasn’t going to like it, but he was going to do it—for me. “Permission and welcome,” he called out.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He smiled faintly. “Who am I to judge?”
Sora nodded in greeting to Tam and then went to join Vegard and Arlyn. Tam sat on the bench next to me. I leaned back against the mainmast.
Tam glanced down at the keg. “You’ve been drinking.”
“Extensively.”
“May I ask why?”
“You can’t guess?”
Tam didn’t say a word as his dark eyes gazed out over the harbor. “Piaras’s ceremony went well?” That was one thing you could always count on with a goblin—when a topic wasn’t to their liking, they’d change it.
“It was perfect,” I told him.
“I’m glad; he deserves it. I would have liked to have been there, but . . .”
“The three of us together in a room full of Conclave mages isn’t the best idea right now,” I finished for him.
I didn’t need to say out loud who was the third one of “us.” Heck, with our umi’atsu bond, Tam and I didn’t have to talk out loud at all. But to use the bond would be to acknowledge it. Until we could do something about breaking that bond, denial was working just fine for me.
“People could see us here,” Tam said.
“I don’t give a damn who sees us.”
“You might tomorrow.”
“Then I’ll deal with it—and with them—tomorrow. You came here alone,” I said accusingly. “Anyone could have seen you, or worse.” I stopped and cringed. Way to go Raine. The demons probably ate his dark mage school buddies; he doesn’t have any guards anymore, and you just—
“Four of them are recovering at Sirens,” Tam said, plucking my thoughts like grapes. “The rest stayed there to protect them and Talon.” His face was set like stone. “If anyone had attacked me on my way here, they would have paid dearly for the privilege.”
I didn’t doubt that.
“Raine,” Tam said quietly. “Dark magic will always be a part of who I am.”
“I know. Even if I could pound the Saghred into dust right now, what it’s given me will always be with me, too.”
We sat for a while without speaking, in an awkward yet companionable silence. The Fortune rocked gently beneath us as the tide came in.
Tam shifted slightly and laid his hand on the mast’s smooth wood. “Remember the last time we were here together?”
Like I could have forgotten. Now there was a good-bye a woman could remember. When I’d left Mermeia, and Tam had stayed, he’d come down to the Fortune to see me off. Tam’s idea of saying good-bye had been slamming me against the mainmast and kissing me passionately enough to curl my toes.
“I didn’t want you to forget me,” he said.
“No chance of that, with or without that kiss.”
More than a kiss joined us now.
Tam’s voice was a bare whisper. “Raine, if there was no Saghred, no umi’atsu bond, no Carnades or anyone like him . . . would there be any chance for the two of us, knowing what I am, what I’ve done?”
“Tam, I don’t know everything you’ve done, only what you’ve told me. And I’m getting the impression that it’s just the tip of a very big iceberg.”
“If you knew, you might not want to see me again.”
One corner of my lips curled in a tiny smile. “Don’t be too sure. I’m a Benares. Our standards of proper behavior are a little different from everyone else’s.” I pushed at my mug with the toe of my boot. “You’ve changed since then.” I didn’t look at him, but kept my eyes on the ale sloshing in the mug. “And you’re doing the best you can to stay that way, and you’re confronting your past as it comes at you. You have to be strong to do that, and brave. I admire you for both.”
Tam laughed once, without humor. “Neither one has been easy.” He paused. “And my best might not be good enough.”
I nodded. “Especially with me around.”
“You have always been a delectable temptation.” Tam’s voice caressed the words like dark silk.
A delicious shiver ran down my spine. Tam was no spellsinger, but his voice could do all kinds of things that had nothing to do with magic and everything to do with seduction. And attraction. Don’t forget attraction, Raine. Like a moth to a flame.
“And the Saghred’s power makes me that much more desirable,” I said bluntly.
“Raine, I don’t want the Saghred. I want you.”
There it was.
“For the foreseeable future, we’re a package deal,” I said, my throat tight. “Wanting me will get you killed; the Saghred will get you damned. You can’t have one without the other.”
“Then I’ll take both.” His voice had a raw edge. It wasn’t Tam’s black magic talking; it was all Tam. I could almost feel his need, his desire to take what he wanted and damn the consequences.
Tam’s hand was between us, and I reached down and took it. With our bond, I could feel the blood surging through his veins, quickening at my touch. Tam wanted to touch me; he wanted to take me in his arms and make it all go away.
I didn’t look at him. “Mychael’s asked A’Zahra Nuru for help.”
“I know. I suggested it.” He sat in silence, until the tension was as thick as the mast at our backs. “Raine, I want to share an umi’atsu bond with you, but not if it would harm you. With the Saghred connecting us, it would do more than harm, it could destroy you. I won’t risk that.”
I looked up sharply. “You’re going to risk separating us?” And risk losing your magic and your life. I didn’t have to say it; we both knew it.