The anger is sucked out of me. She's right. I've lived afraid of making friends and helping people.
Suddenly a noise rips through the air. I turn as several people jump into the water. The waves and splashing take over the lagoon.
"Oh my god it's freezing." I see a blonde girl who's a little older than me next to me. Her teeth chatter. I realize suddenly mine are chattering. I see a huge hand come up behind her and push her face under the water. I swim away quickly in a panic. A young guy laughs as she breaks the surface and shoves him, "Ass."
They're playing in the water. Memories of people playing in the water flood my mind.
"Kim you know you love me." He pulls her into his embrace and kisses her with force. Suddenly she is pressed against him and they're kissing like people did in the movies, before.
I feel someone swimming up behind me. I turn suddenly to see a huge hand coming for my head. I try to swim away but my foot is grabbed. I am sucked under. I panic kicking as hard as I can. My legs are pulled back and I'm squished into a warm body. I swallow water before I'm able to break the surface. I push on the skin I touch and force my head above the water in a panic.
I hear a man's voice over the sounds of my own choking. "Jesus calm down. Are you okay?"
I sputter and cough. I feel sick but also terrified. I never drink water that isn’t boiled or fresh from my wells. Anyone of them could have the infection. It could be in the water. I swim for the big rock and pull myself up onto the platform. I lie on my stomach against the cold stone. My skin trembles and shivers.
"Hey, are you okay?"
I look over at Mary at the edge of the rock. I nod and push myself up. I pick up my clothes and run up the hill toward the tents.
"Asshole."
"What?"
"Mark you have to be careful. She's lived alone since she was a kid. She doesn’t get it."
"I didn’t mean to."
I run faster to get away from their voices. I feel like a freak. I make my way to the nearest fire. I am alone, until I feel the warm breath at my hip. His cold nose feels warm against my bare skin. I go to pull on my stinky dirty clothes but Mary is suddenly there. She holds out a pile.
"Here." She is dripping wet too. We stand looking at each other in the firelight. She is so beautiful in her soaked dress with the water dripping from her.
"Thanks." I put my bundle down on the dirt and take the pile she offers. They smell funny. I pull on the shirt and the pants over my soaked underwear. I pull my bra off when the shirt is on and covering me.
She takes it in her hands, "What's your name?"
I feel my lips tremble, "Emma."
She leans in and kisses me softly on the lips, "Emma it's okay. You're safe here. No infection and no others and no military. We take care of each other." She takes my soaking wet bra and picks up my pile of filthy clothes and leaves. I stand alone by the fire realizing she kissed me. I liked that she kissed me. It was a nice feeling. Not nice the way Jake's kiss was. Hers was sweet and soft. It makes me feel happy.
I look down at Leo, who turns his face in the light of the fire and whines. I pat his head and look to where she's walked. She drops my clothes in a basket and points to a bright orange glow in the woods across the camp. "Come to the fire. We sing and play guitar."
I pull on the dry clothes and wrap my arms around myself. Leo and I follow her through the woods to where a large bonfire is burning. I can hear the music faintly in the crackle of the flames and embers. It's folk music but better. It hits me with a wall of emotion. Everything lifts away from me. The music becomes embedded in my soul. I haven’t heard music since before. I feel like an outsider but the people at the fire smile at me. Someone shoves over on the log in front of me to make space. Leo sits and watches me sit in a crowd. He doesn’t know how to respond to this. He whines a little.
Heat waves rise from the huge fire making it hard to see across where the musicians are. The logs are built higher than the people sitting. I can make out a man with a small guitar. He's old and has a beard. A man starts singing with the soft guitars. His voice is incredible. It's raspy and sweet. I am in a trance. I sit and close my eyes. The music brings back something soft and sweet that I never realized I was missing. It's return aches in my chest. The sweet voice makes my skin shiver and my throat thick with unfelt emotions. We sit in a huge circle, warmed by the fire and the raw human emotions inside of the song. It's about love and sacrifice. A woman's voice accompanies the man's and the guitars. She adds softness to the song his raspy voice doesn’t have.
This is the greatest moment of my life. I have experienced nothing like this, even before. Time passes. I don’t know how much. Songs are sung. Whiskey is passed. I drink and sway my body with everyone else. My guard is not only lowered but it is destroyed in the camaraderie of the people at the fire and the song in our hearts.
In the light I can see Mary. She sings and laughs and drinks. Her eyes sparkle vibrantly in the orange glow.
Slowly people trickle away from the fire. Leo has crept up and is lying on my feet. The pile of logs and lumber on the fire has burned down to ash and in the embers I see something I never expected. Will's the singer with the haunting voice that has me lit up. He feels the music. I can see that. His eyes are closed and his fingers gently stroke the guitar. He finishes the song and I can't help but see him differently.
He walks to where I'm sitting and sits beside me.
"You're a good singer."
"We need to talk."
Sitting beside him makes my insides crawl. He doesn’t look sweet and soft like Mary does. He looks annoyed and angry with me. I feel intimidated by him. He doesn’t seem like the goof Anna described. He is intense.
"I know."
His long legs seem huge compared to mine. He is thick and strong looking. His face is handsome like Jake's, but more commanding. I want to listen to him for some reason. I feel like he could keep me safe, like he does everyone else here. I don’t know why I think it's him that does it, but I do.
"So where are they?"
I shake my head and try not to watch his mouth. "I don’t know. They were at my farmhouse last time I saw them."
"How did they look?"
I gulp, "Great. Jake was hurt a bit but I got him medicine. They were fine when I left though."
"Where did you meet them?"
"First my cabin." I start the story at the beginning and try not to stare at his lips as he processes what I have to say. I want him to sing to me some more.
Chapter Eleven
I wake with a wolf foot in my face. He kicks slightly in his dream and scratches my cheek.
I push it away and look around. I'm more comfortable than I've ever been, since before.
Meg is passed out with her arms around Leo. He loves to snuggle when he sleeps. I smile thinking he's met his soul mate.
The light of day is filtering in through the canvas of the tent. It's a small and cozy tent, so the air has grown stale with three of us breathing it.
I look down at my feet and amazed at how much they’ve healed. The scabs are flaking away and the sores are tiny compared to the scars. Leo kicks at me again. I sigh and climb out of the tent before I end up getting a paw in the head again.
I stretch and realize what I'm wearing. It's a tight t-shirt with the word rock and then a star below it. It's bright purple and too long for me. I'm also wearing jeans with tears and holes in the knees. I feel a bit of breeze in the back and feel my butt to discover holes back there as well. I frown. I need my pants back.
"You're up finally."
I turn around to see Will smiling at me. He is beautiful. I can't stop myself from gawking at him in his baby blue t-shirt and dark denim jeans. His eyes meet mine. He has noticed the way my eyes traveled his body. I blush.
"How come you get jeans with no holes?"
He laughs, "We only have so many clothes. The last trip to a mall was three years ago. We share everything."
I glance at Mary snuggled into a guy and holding the little brat, "Everything."
He turns and sees what I'm watching. He laughs again, "No not everything. She is really friendly Emma. She is like that with everyone. But if you're interested we have a few girls who are single."
I frown, "What?"
"If you're interested."
I shake my head, "I don’t know what you mean." He laughs at me. He is in a joke that I am not.
He sighs, "So want to go over the map with me?"
This makes me laugh, "I told you last night I don’t know maps. I know where I've been by remembering the woods."
He frowns, "Well back to the farmhouse then?"
"Okay but I need a favor." I say.
"What?"
I point to the tent, "I need her to stay here and be protected. She's fifteen. She's lived a hard life. Her mom was a prison warden."
He makes a face that makes me laugh, "Yeah I figured she was staying. Wow a warden?"
I nod, "Her mom and aunt just died. Her other aunt was taken to the breeder farms."
His blue eyes sparkled, "She is just our kind of girl then."
I am confused by him, but don’t have time to figure him out. I can't get the picture of him playing the guitar in the firelight out of my head. It is almost like there are two of him inside of his body. Sweet Will and Business Will.
Mary comes over carrying the monster.
"Andy what do you have to say to Emma?"
He looks down at the ground and pouts, "Sorry."
He fidgets with her blouse. She looks up and meets my frown with a smile.
I nod, "Okay thanks."
Will and Mary laugh.
"Mary will you take care of Meg till I get back?"
She leans in and hugs me. "Be safe Emma and hurry back."
I hug her back. I still hug like an iron rod. I notice the way she hugs like a person and I hug like a robot. She hugs just like Anna. My heart hurts thinking about them.