The little hand in mine is hot. My hand is sweating. I want to switch hands or just drag mine up and down my pants for a second but I don’t. I wrap my hand around the small hand. I won't look away. I won't let it suffer and cry while I hide. I am different now.
The truck comes to a stop suddenly. We are all jerked forward after getting relaxed in the repetitive motion of the drive.
Metal scraping along the back of the truck fills the warm silent dark of the truck.
The door swings open filling the huge delivery truck with light. The white light makes my eyes seal instantly. I cover them and brace myself. I squeeze the little hand. I see dark shapes moving around the opening.
"Out you go bitches."
I force my eyes open to the light. It takes a second for them to focus. I don’t look at the open door. I turn and look at the little blonde girl who is sobbing silently next to me. She is about ten or eleven. Her hair is matted and dirty. The tears have made lines of clean face in the filth. Her bright blue eyes are filled with terror. I hold her hand. I won't let her go.
I look at the other women. They range from the young girl next to me to a lady I think is in her thirties. Fat, thin, dirty, clean, tired, crying, frozen, confused. The group is diverse. Except in color. I notice everyone is white.
Before I can process this too much, I notice the redhead giving me a death stare from outside of the truck. He grips his rifle and watches me.
I look down as the grin spreads across my face. I feel a nervous giggle about to burst from me.
Serge is standing at the back of the truck. He gives me a look and grabs my ankle.
"Let's go." He drags me from the truck. I drag the little girl with me. She won't let go.
I see something I haven’t seen in along time. A huge shiny white building stands surrounded by a parking lot with cars parked in between the lines. There are no vines or grass growing up the sides of the building. It's clean and sparkly like before. The pavement is flat and new. There are no cracks or weeds growing up through it. There are no cars burned out or missing all the parts. The cars are real and whole. They even shine.
My feet hit the ground with a thud. His fingers dig into my shoulders. "Don’t move."
The little blonde is standing next to me holding my hand. She is hiding in the curves of my body.
Serge digs his gun into my ribs, "Move."
The men are jumping into the truck and hauling, screaming and sobbing women from the back where they’ve watched me be dragged. I walk toward the huge building. It's five stories high and looks very long.
The little girl curls into me as Serge jabs me again with the barrel of the gun.
I shoot him a dirty look. He winks at me.
I hear screaming in the truck behind me. I look back to see several women walking with us, mostly the young ones. Few guards are with us. The rest are jumping into the back of the truck. My stomach curdles.
Serge shakes his head, "Don’t watch." He whispers and hits me with the gun again. I can see the regrets in his eyes. Shame crosses his face. He knows I know. He would have been in the back of the truck with the screaming women chosen to stay behind. I can hear the tearing and screaming. It always sounds the same.
I shake my head and squeeze the blonde into me. She clutches me tightly. I look around and make sure the other little girls are with us. I think I see them all. I want to take Serge's gun and kill the guards and save the women in the truck.
Instead we walk through a door and a blast of frigid air hits me.
Serge has the gun in my ribs again. I remember the feeling of the cold air. It brings a memory with it. My dad and me at the mall. He hated all the people, but he needed to get some things. I smile and remember the carousel. I'd never seen anything like it. He put a dollar in the machine and I climbed on. The horse had dark golden hair like mine. I gripped it and the machine started. The joy that hangs in the cold air fills me with bravery and courage for a minute.
A doctor walks toward me with a white spaceman suit on. He grabs my arm and tries to separate me and the blonde. She screams and I grip her arms. I wish she could have ridden the carousel. She would have liked it.
"She stays with me."
The doctor rolls his eyes behind the plastic and nods, "Fine. In you go." He points to a hallway. I walk down it and am pushed through a door.
Serge is against me and whispering in my ears, "I will come for you. Be ready. I will send you a message. I won't let you die in here."
"Get off her soldier." The doctor sounds funny behind his mask. Serge pushes me one more time.
I'm gripping the little girl and standing in front of a door. It opens suddenly. A lady in a space suit peers out. She smiles at me with bright pink lipstick behind the plastic, "Come this way my dear."
Her voice is sweet.
I glance back at Serge and the other girls being led to the hallway where I stand.
Serge turns the corner but steals another glance at me before he vanishes.
My arm is taken and we are led into a huge room.
The lady bends on a knee to the little blonde hiding in my armpit, "What's your name sweetie."
The blonde shakes her head and nuzzles into me further.
I look at the woman and frown, "She has never seen a space suit."
The lady looks up at me confused, "What?"
I point to her white suite, "She hasn’t ever seen one of these. She probably doesn’t think you're human."
The lady laughs, "You know in ten years of doing this job I never thought about that." She looks back down at the little girl, "Am I scaring you?"
The blonde holds me tighter.
"You are." I say.
She stands and points to the huge white tubes, "Well we have something for you two to do and then you can be cleared to be around people without the decontamination suits."
I hold the shaking child to me and walk to the tube.
I try to step away from her, silent tears are pouring from her bright blue eyes. I look at her, "Want to get something to eat?"
She nods.
I point to the tube, "When we are done in there and they are sure we aren’t sick they will feed us." I say it loud enough that the lady in the space suit, who is now talking to the other woman, looks at me and nods, "Yup we will get you some food."
I pry her tiny, balled up hands from my clothes and smile softly. I step into the tube. It powers on and blue lights flash on me. A flat surface comes down on a robotic arm and a face comes on the screen in front of me, "Please place your hands on the pad."
I smile at the little girl and put my hand on the pad. A sharp poke digs into one of my fingers. A red light moves from my fingertips to my wrist and then back again.
The platform drops away and my hands drops down. The floor starts moving like at the airport, before.
Suddenly fast moving air blows across me and I move deeper into the tunnel. I get to the other side and it all stops. I step off and another space suit woman comes to me, "I just need to take you to the sanitation area."
I point to the little girl, "I have to wait for her.
"Sorry that's not allowed."
I growl, "I'm waiting." She sighs.
I shout through, "See, it doesn’t hurt. It was kind of fun. Just step in. It's going to be okay. I'm right here waiting for you."
Her breath is still slight heaves. She doesn’t make a sound. She puts a shaking hand out and steps onto the platform. She cries harder as the robotic arm comes down.
"Put your hand on. I promise it was like a fast little pinch and nothing more. Then you'll come to me."
Her blue eyes are filled with terror. She shakes her head.
I nod, "Do it. They won't let you come to me if you don't do it."
Her left hand hugs herself and her right hand rests on the pad. I see her flinch when the small prick comes. She ducks when the sharp wind hits her and she looks like she might have a heart attack when the floor moves. She has never seen anything. She was in the womb when the world went crazy. Technology is not something us borderlander's see. Ever. In the borderlands nature has taken things back. This feels like a small corner humans still control.
Before the floor stops moving, she leaps off and is under my armpit again.
The lady laughs, "Okay you're both cleared."
She brings us to a small white room. There is a white table in the middle of the room with nothing else but a door on the far side.
"Please put everything on the table. It will be sanitized and given back to you if it can be."
She stands and waits. I realize she is going to watch us strip naked.
I want to have a fit. I want to smash her in the space suit face and run from the room but I look at the little blonde and take a deep breath. I pull my shirt off. I pull off my sports bra and stand with my breasts out, exposed. It is the first time I have ever been naked in front of anyone except my granny and my mother.
I remember swimming in my underwear and bra with the naked people at the camp and smirk. The little blonde would love it there. The majestic swimming hole would make her happy. I decide she is coming with me when I run. My brain tries to think its usual 'look out for number one' excuses, but I can't. I think she's alone in the world.
"The jewelry too."
I look down at the silver bracelet and necklace my mom wore when she died. I remember my father removing it from her and putting it on me. I feel sick taking it off. When it touches the cold table I feel like I will never see it again.
I nod at her and she starts taking her clothes off. We are naked and filthy and both doing our best to cover ourselves. Finally the lady walks to the door and slides a card on her wrist through a slot in the door handle. I need one of those cards. The door opens.
"Now we need to clean you." She points into the stainless steel bathroom. The walls are metal, the floors are metal. There are several showerheads along the back wall and a drain in the floor. The little girl grabs my hand seeing it. She doesn’t want to cuddle naked, thank god, but she wants to hold my hand. The water starts by itself, making her jump a little. I smile. I've seen a shower before.