We all scan the horizon desperately, and finally, on the right, we spot a narrow inlet. It leads into the rusted shell of an old boat terminal.
"There, on the right!" I say to Ben.
"What if they see us?" he asks. "There's no way out. We'll be stuck. They'll kill us."
"That's a chance we have to take," I say.
Ben picks up speed, making a sharp turn into the narrow inlet. We race past the rusted gates, the narrow entryway of an old, rusted warehouse. As we pass through he cuts the engine, then turns to the left, hiding us behind the shoreline, as we bob in the water. I watch the wake we left in the moonlight, and pray it calms enough for the slaverunners to miss our trail.
We all sit anxiously in the silence, bobbing in the water, watching, waiting. The roar of the slaverunners' engine grows louder, and I hold my breath.
Please, God. Let them pass us by.
The seconds seem to last hours.
Finally, their boat whizzes past us, not slowing for a second.
I hold my breath for ten more seconds as their engine noise grows faint, praying that they don't come back our way.
They don't. It worked.
Nearly an hour has passed since we pulled in here, all of us huddled together, shell-shocked, in our boat. We barely move for fear of being detected. But I haven't heard a sound since, and haven't detected any activity since their boat passed us. I wonder where they went. Are they still racing up the Hudson, heading north in the blackness, still thinking we're just around the bend? Or have they wised up and are they circling back, combing the shores, looking for us? I can't help but feel that it will only be a matter of time until they come back our way.
But as I stretch out on the boat, I think we are all starting to feel a little bit more relaxed, a little bit less cautious. We are well hidden here, inside this rusted structure, and even if they circle back, I don't see how the slaverunners could possibly spot us.
My legs and feet are cramped from sitting, it's gotten much colder out, and I'm freezing. I can see by Bree and Rose's chattering teeth that they're freezing, too. I wish I had blankets or clothes to give them, or warmth of some sort. I wish we could build a fire - not just for warmth, but also to be able to see each other, to take comfort in each other's faces. But I know that's out of the question. It would be far too risky.
I see Ben sitting there, huddle over, shaking, and remember the pants I salvaged. I stand, the boat rocking as I do, and take a few steps over to my sack and reach in and pull them out. I toss them to Ben.
They land on his chest and he looks over at me, confused.
"They should fit," I say. "Try them on."
He's wearing tattered jeans, covered in holes, way too thin, and dampened with water. Slowly, he bends over and pries off his boots, then slides the leather pants on over his jeans. They look funny on him, the military pants of the slaverunner - but as I suspected, they are a perfect fit. He zips them up wordlessly as he leans back, and I can see the gratitude in his eyes.
I feel Logan looking over at me, and I feel as if he's jealous of my friendship with Ben. He's been like that ever since he saw Ben kiss me back at Penn Station. It's awkward, but there's nothing I can do about it. I like them both, in different ways. I've never met two more opposite people - yet somehow, they remind me of each other.
I go over to Bree, still shivering, huddled together with Rose, Penelope in her lap, and I sit beside her, drape an arm over her and kiss her forehead. She leans her head into my shoulder.
"It's okay Bree," I say.
"I'm hungry," she says in a soft voice.
"Me too," Rose echoes.
Penelope whimpers softly, and I can tell she is hungry, too. She is smarter than any dog I've ever met. And brave, despite her quivering. I can't believe she bit Rupert when she did; if it weren't for her, maybe we all wouldn't be here. I lean over and stroke her head, and she licks my hand back.
Now that they mention food, I realize it's a good idea. I've been trying to avoid my hunger pangs for way too long.
"You're right," I say. "Let's eat."
They both look at me with eyes wide open in hope and expectation. I stand, cross the boat, and reach into one of the sacks. I take out two large mason jars of raspberry jam and hand one to Bree, unscrewing it for her.
"You guys share this jar," I say to them. "The three of us will share the other."
I open the other jar and pass it to Logan, and he reaches in with his finger, takes a large amount, and puts it in his mouth. He breathes deeply with satisfaction - he must have been starving.
I hand it out to Ben, who takes one, too, then I reach in and scoop a fingerful and place it on my tongue. I get a sugar rush as the raspberry fills my senses, and it is quite possibly the best thing I've ever tasted. I know this is not a meal, but it feels like one.
I seem to be the keeper of food, so I head back to the bags and take out what's left of our cookies and hand one to each person, including myself. I look over and see Bree and Rose happily eating the jam; with every other fingerful, they give Penelope one. She licks their fingers like crazy, whining as she does. The poor thing must be as hungry as we are.
"They'll be back, you know," comes the ominous voice beside me.
I turn and see Logan sitting back, cleaning out his gun, looking at me.
"You know that, right?" he presses. "We're sitting ducks here."
"What do you propose?" I ask.
He shrugs and looks away, disappointed.
"We never should've stopped. We should've kept going, like I said."
"Well, it's too late now," I shoot back, irritated. "Stop complaining."
I'm getting tired of his gloom and doom at every turn, getting tired of our power struggle. I resent having him around, as much as I appreciate him at the same time.
"None of our options are good," he says. "If we head upriver tonight, we might run into them. Might ruin the boat. Maybe hit floating ice, maybe something else. Worse, they'd probably catch us. If we leave in the morning, they can see us in the light. We'd be able to navigate, but they might be waiting."
"So let's leave in the morning," I say. "At the crack of dawn. We'll head north and hope they circled back and went south."
"And what if they didn't?" he asks.
"You got any better ideas? We have to head away from the city, not towards it. Besides, Canada's North, isn't it?"
He turns and looks away, and sighs.
"We could stay put," he says. "Wait it out a few days. Make sure they pass us first."
"In this weather? If we don't get shelter, we'll freeze to death. And we'll be out of food by then. We can't stay here. We have to keep moving."
"Oh, now you want to keep moving," he says.
I glare back at him - he is really beginning to get on my nerves.
"Fine," he says. "Let's leave at dawn. In the meantime, if we're going to stay the night here, we need to stand guard. In shifts. I'll go first, then you, then Ben. You guys sleep now. None of us have slept, and we all need to. Deal?" he asks, looking back and forth from me to Ben.
"Deal," I say. He's right.
Ben doesn't respond, still looking out into space, lost in his own world.
"Hey," Logan says roughly, leaning back and kicking his foot, "I'm talking to you. Deal?"
Ben slowly turns and looks at him, still looking out of it, then nods. But I can't tell if he's really heard him. I feel so bad for Ben; it's like he's not really here. Clearly, he's consumed by grief and guilt for his brother. I can't even imagine what he's going through.
"Good," Logan says. He checks his ammo, cocks his gun, then jumps off the boat, onto the dock beside us. The boat rocks, but doesn't drift away. Logan stands on the dry dock, surveying our surroundings. He takes a seat on a wooden post and stares into the blackness, his gun rested on his lap.
I settle in beside Bree, wrapping my arm around her. Rose leans in, too, and I wrap my arm around them both.
"You guys get some rest. We'll have a long day ahead of us tomorrow," I say, secretly wondering if this will be our last night on earth. Wondering if there will even be a tomorrow.
"Not until I take care of Sasha," Bree says.
Sasha. I almost forgot.
I look over and see the frozen corpse of our dog at the far side of the boat. I can hardly believe that we brought her here. Bree is one loyal master.
Bree gets up, silently crosses the boat, and stands over Sasha. She kneels down and strokes her head. Her eyes well up in the moonlight.
I walk over and kneel down beside her. I stroke Sasha, too, forever grateful to her for protecting us.
"Can I help you bury her?" I ask.
Bree nods, still looking down, a tear falling.
Together, we reach down, pick up Sasha, and lean forward with her over the side of the boat. We both hold her there, neither of us wanting to let her go. I look down into the freezing, dark water of the Hudson below, waves bobbing.
"Do you want to say anything?" I ask, "before we let her go?"
Bree looks down, blinking away tears, her face lit up by the moonlight. She looks angelic.
"She was a good dog. She saved my life. I hope she's in a better place now. And I hope I see her again," she says, her voice breaking.
We reach all the way over, and gently place Sasha in. With a light splash, her body hits the water. If floats there for a second or two, then begins to sink. The tides of the Hudson are strong, and they quickly pull it out, towards the open water. We watch as she bobs, half-submerged, in the moonlight, drifting father and farther away. I feel my heart breaking. It reminds me how close I came to having Bree taken from me for good, to being washed away down the Hudson, just like Sasha.
I don't know how many hours have passed. It is now late in the night, and I lay there in the boat, curled up around Bree and Rose, thinking, unable to sleep. None of us have said a word since we set Sasha into to the water. We all just sit there in the grim silence, the boat rocking softly. A few feet from us sits Ben, also lost in his own world. He seems more dead than alive; sometimes when I look at him, I feel as if I'm looking at a walking ghost. It's odd: we're all sitting here together, yet we're all worlds apart.
Logan is about ten yards away, dutifully on guard on the pier, gun in hand as he looks around. I can imagine him as a soldier. I'm glad to have him protecting us, working the first shift. I'm tired, my bones are weary, and I'm not looking forward to taking over the next shift. I know I should be sleeping, but I can't. Lying there, with Bree in my arms, my mind races.
I think of what a crazy, crazy world it is out there now. I can hardly believe this is all real. It's like one long nightmare that won't end. Every time I think I'm safe, something happens. Thinking back, I can hardly believe how close I just came to getting killed by Rupert. It was so stupid of me to take pity on him, to let him ride with us. I still can't quite understand why he freaked out. What had he hoped to gain? Was he that desperate that he would kill all of us, take our boat and disappear - just to have more food for himself? And where would he have taken it? Was he just evil? Psychotic? Or was he a good man, and had all those years of being alone and starving and freezing just made him snap?
I want to believe it's the latter, that he was, deep down, a good man just made crazy by circumstance. I hope so. But I'll never know.
I close my eyes and think of how close I came to getting killed, feel the cold metal of his knife against my throat. Next time, I will trust no one. Stop for no one. Believe no one. I will do whatever I can to make sure that Bree and Rose and myself and the others survive. No more chances. No more risks. If that means becoming callous, then so be it.
Thinking back, I feel like every hour on the Hudson has been a life or death battle. I don't fathom how we will ever possibly make it all the way to Canada. I'd be amazed if we even survive the next few days, even the next few miles on the water. I know our chances aren't good. I hold Bree tight, knowing this may be our last night together. At least we'll go down fighting, on our own two feet, and not as slaves and prisoners.
"It was so scary," Brooks says.
Her voice startles me in the darkness. It is so soft, I wonder at first if she even spoke. She hasn't said a word for hours, and I thought she was asleep.
I turn and see her eyes are open, staring out with fear.
"What was scary, Bree?"
She shakes her head and waits several seconds before speaking. I realize she is remembering.
"They took me. I was all alone. Then they put me on a bus, and took me on a boat. We were all chained together. It was so cold, we were all so scared. They took me inside that house, and you wouldn't believe the things I saw. What they did to those other girls. I can still hear their screams. I can't get them out of my head."
Her face crumples as she starts to cry.
My heart breaks into a million pieces. I can't even imagine what she's been through. I don't want her to think about it. I feel as if she's scarred forever, and it's my fault.
I hug her tightly, and kiss her on the forehead.
"Shhh," I whisper. "It's all right. That's all behind us now. Don't think about that anymore."
But still, she continues to cry.
Bree buries her face my chest. I rock her as she cries and cries.
"I'm so sorry honey," I say. "I am so so sorry."
I wish I could take it all away from her. But I can't. It is now a part of her. I always wanted to shelter her, to shelter her from everything. And now her heart is filled with horrors.
As I rock her, I wish we could be anywhere but here. I wish things could be how they once were. Back in time. Back when the world was good. Back with our parents. But we can't. We're here.
And I have a sinking feeling things will only get worse.
I wake and realize it is daytime. I don't know how it got so late in the day, or how I slept so long. I look around me on the boat, and am completely disoriented. I don't understand what's happening. Our boat is now floating, adrift in the Hudson, in the middle of the huge river. Bree and I are the only ones in the boat. I don't know where everyone else is, and I can't understand how we got here.
We both stand at the edge of the boat, looking out at the horizon, and I see three slaverunner boats speed right for us.
I try to burst into action, but feel my arms bound from behind. I turn to see several slaverunners on the boat, see that they have cuffed me from behind, hold me back. I struggle for all I can, but am helpless.
A slaverunner boat stops and one of them gets out, his mask covering his face, steps onto our boat, reaches down and grabs Bree. She squirms, but is no match for him. He picks her up in one arm and begins to carry her away.
"BREE! NO!" I scream.
I struggle with everything in the world, but it is useless. I'm forced to stand there and watch as they drag Bree off, kicking and screaming into their boat. Their boat drifts away on the current, towards Manhattan. Soon, it is barely visible.
As I watch my little sister get farther and farther away from me, I know that this time I lost her for good.
I shriek, an unearthly shriek, begging, crying, for my sister to come back to me.
I wake up sweating. I sit bolt upright, breathing hard, looking all around, trying to figure out what happened.
It was a dream. I look over and see Bree lying beside me, everyone else asleep in the boat. It was all a dream. No one has come. No one has taken Bree.
I try to slow my breathing, my heart still pounding. I sit up and look out at the horizon and see dawn beginning to break, a faint sliver on the horizon. I look over at the dock, and see Ben sitting guard. I think back and remember Logan waking me, remember standing guard myself. Then I woke Ben, gave him the gun, and he took my position. I must have fallen asleep after that.
As I look over at Ben, I realize he is slumped over. I can see from here, in the faint light of dawn, that he is asleep, too. He is supposed to be standing guard. We are defenseless.
Suddenly, I spot movement, shadows in the darkness. It looks like a group of people, or creatures, heading closer to us. I wonder if my eyes are playing tricks on me.
But then, my heart starts pounding furiously in my chest, and my mouth goes dry, as I realize this is not a trick of the light.
We are unprepared. And people are ambushing us.