Egwene went on dully, as if the other woman had not spoken. “They are training me, Min. The sul'dam and the a'dam are training me. I cannot touch anything I even think of as a weapon. A few weeks ago I considered hitting Renna over the head with that pitcher, and I could not pour wash water for three days. Once I'd thought of it that way, I not only had to stop thinking about hitting her with it, I had to convince myself I would never, under any circumstances, hit her with it before I could touch it again. She knew what had happened, told me what I had to do, and would not let me wash anywhere except with that pitcher and bowl. You are lucky it happened between your visiting days. Renna made sure I spent those days sweating from the time I woke to the time I fell asleep, exhausted. I am trying to fight them, but they are training me as surely as they're training Pura.” She clapped a hand to her mouth, moaning through her teeth. “Her name is Ryma. I have to remember her name, not the name they've put on her. She is Ryma, and she's Yellow Ajah, and she has fought them as long and as hard as she could. It is no fault of hers that she hasn't the strength left to fight any longer. I wish I knew who the other sister is that Ryma mentioned. I wish I knew her name. Remember both of us, Min. Ryma, of the Yellow Ajah, and Egwene al'Vere. Not Egwene the damane; Egwene al'Vere of Emond's Field. Will you do that?”
“Stop it!” Min snapped. “You stop it right this instant! If you get shipped off to Seanchan, I'll be right there with you. But I don't think you will. You know I've read you, Egwene. I don't understand most of it — I almost never do — but I see things I am sure link you to Rand, and Perrin, and Mat, and — yes, even Galad, the Light help you for a fool. How can any of that happen if the Seanchan take you off across the ocean?”
“Maybe they're going to conquer the whole world, Min. If they conquer the world, there's no reason Rand and Galad and the rest could not end up in Seanchan.”
“You ninnyheaded goose!”
“I am being practical,” Egwene said sharply. “I don't intend to stop fighting, not as long as I can breathe, but I don't see any hope that I'll ever have the a'dam off me, either. Just as I don't see any hope that anyone is going to stop the Seanchan. Min, if this ship captain will take you, go with him. At least then one of us will be free.”
The door swung open, and Renna stepped in.
Egwene jumped to her feet and bowed sharply, as did Min. The tiny room was crowded for bowing, but Seanchan insisted on protocol before comfort.
“Your visiting day, is it?” Renna said. “I had forgotten. Well, there is training to be done even on visiting days.”
Egwene watched sharply as the sul'dam took down the bracelet, opened it, and fastened it again around her wrist. She could not see how it was done. If she could have probed with the One Power, she would have, but Renna would have known that immediately. As the bracelet closed around Renna's wrist a look came onto the sul'dam's face that made Egwene's heart sink.
“You have been channeling.” Renna's voice was deceptively mild; there was a spark of anger in her eyes. “You know that is forbidden except when we are complete.” Egwene wet her lips. “Perhaps I have been too lenient with you. Perhaps you believe that because you are valuable now, you will be allowed license. I think I made a mistake letting you keep your old name. I had a kitten called Tuli when I was a child. From now on, your name is Tuli. You will go now, Min. Your visiting day with Tuli is ended.”
Min hesitated only long enough for one anguished look at Egwene before leaving. Nothing Min could say or do would do anything except make matters worse, but Egwene could not help looking longingly at the door as it closed behind her friend.
Renna took the chair, frowning at Egwene. “I must punish you severely for this. We will both be called to the Court of the Nine Moons—you for what you can do; I as your sul'dam and trainer—and I will not allow you to disgrace me in the eyes of the Empress. I will stop when you tell me how much you love being damane and how obedient you will be after this. And, Tuli. Make me believe every word.”
Chapter 43
(A'dam)
A Plan
Outside in the lowceilinged hallway, Min dug her nails into her palms at the first piercing cry from the room. She took a step toward the door before she could stop herself, and when she did stop, tears sprang up in her eyes. Light help me, all I can do it make it worse. Egwene, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Feeling worse than useless, she picked up her skirts and ran, and Egwene's screams pursued her. She could not make herself stay, and leaving made her feel a coward. Half blind with weeping, she found herself in the street before she knew it. She had intended to go back to her room, but now she could not do it. She could not stand the thought that Egwene was being hurt while she sat warm and safe under the next roof. Scrubbing the tears from her eyes, she swept her cloak around her shoulders and started down the street. Every time she cleared her eyes, new tears began trickling along her cheeks. She was not accustomed to weeping openly, but then she was not accustomed to feeling so helpless, so useless. She did not know where she was going, only that it had to be as far as she could reach from Egwene's cries.
“Min!”
The lowpitched shout brought her up short. At first, she could not make out who had called. Relatively few people walked the street this close to where the damane were housed. Aside from a lone man trying to interest two Seanchan soldiers in buying the picture he would draw of them with his colored chalks, everyone local tried to step along quickly without actually appearing to run. A pair of sul'dam strolled by, damane trailing behind with eyes down; the Seanchan women were talking about how many more marath'damane they expected to find before they sailed. Min's eyes passed right over the two women in long fleece coats, then swung back in wonder as they came toward her. “Nynaeve? Elayne?”
“None other.” Nynaeve's smile was strained; both women had tight eyes, as if they fought worried frowns. Min thought she had never seen anything as wonderful as the sight of them. “That color becomes you,” Nynaeve continued. “You should have taken up dresses long since. Though I've thought of breeches myself since I saw them on you.” Her voice sharpened as she drew close enough to see Min's face. “What is the matter?”
“You've been crying,” Elayne said. “Has something