“Well, I'm not.” She laughed. She could not remember anything that had happened after she had asked Mat to go to the dungeons with her, not until waking in her own bed that morning. From what she had heard of the night, she was almost glad she could not remember. “Moiraine said she would have left me a headache for being foolish if she could have Healed the rest and not that, but she couldn't.”
“I told you Fain was dangerous,” he muttered. “I told you, but you wouldn't listen.”
“If that's the way you are going to talk,” she said firmly, “I will give you back to Nisura. She won't talk to you the way I am. The last man who tried to push his way into the women's apartments spent a month up to his elbows in soapy water, helping with the women's laundry, and he was only trying to find his betrothed and make up an argument. At least he knew enough not to wear his sword. The Light knows what they'd do to you.”
“Everybody wants to do something to me,” he growled. “Everybody wants to use me for something. Well, I won't be used. Once we find the Horn, and Mat's dagger, I'll never be used again.”
With an exasperated grunt, she caught his shoulders and made him face her. She glared up at him. “If you don't start talking sense, Rand al'Thor, I swear I will box your ears.”
“Now you sound like Nynaeve.” He laughed. As he looked down at her, though, his laughter faded. “I suppose — I suppose I'll never see you again. I know you have to go to Tar Valon. I know that. And you'll become an Aes Sedai. I am done with Aes Sedai, Egwene. I won't be a puppet for them, not for Moiraine, or any of them.”
He looked so lost she wanted to put his head on her shoulder, and so stubborn she really did want to box his ears. “Listen to me, you great ox. I am going to be an Aes Sedai, and I'll find a way to help you. I will.”
“The next time you see me, you will likely want to gentle me.”
She looked around hastily; they were alone in their stretch of the hall. “If you don't watch your tongue, I will not be able to help you. Do you want everyone to know?”
“Too many know already,” he said. “Egwene, I wish things were different, but they aren't. I wish ... Take care of yourself. And promise me you won't choose the Red Ajah.”
Tears blurred her vision as she threw her arms around him. “You take care of yourself,” she said fiercely into his chest. “If you don't, I'll — I'll...” She thought she heard him murmur, “I love you,” and then he was firmly unwrapping her arms, gently moving her away from him. He turned and strode away from her, almost running.
She jumped when Nisura touched her arm. “He looks as if you set him a task he won't enjoy. But you mustn't let him see you cry over it. That negates the purpose. Come. Nynaeve wants you.”
Scrubbing her cheeks, Egwene followed the other woman. Take care of yourself, you woolheaded lummox. Light, take care of him.
Chapter 9
(Flame of Tar Valon)
Leavetakings
The outer courtyard was in ordered turmoil when Rand finally reached it with his saddlebags and the bundle containing the harp and flute. The sun climbed toward midday. Men hurried around the horses, tugging at saddle girths and pack harness, voices raised. Others darted with lastminute additions to the packsaddles, or water for the men working, or dashed off to fetch something just remembered. But everyone seemed to know exactly what they were doing and where they were going. The guardwalks and archers' balconies were crowded again, and excitement crackled in the morning air. Hooves clattered on the paving stones. One of the packhorses began kicking, and stablemen ran to calm it. The smell of horses hung thick. Rand's cloak tried to flap in the breeze that rippled the swoopinghawk banners on the towers, but his bow, slung across his back, held it down.
From outside the open gates came the sounds of the Amyrlin's pikemen and archers forming up in the square. They had marched around from a side gate. One of the trumpeters tested his horn.
Some of the Warders glanced at Rand as he walked across the courtyard; a few raised eyebrows when they saw the heronmark sword, but none spoke. Half wore the cloaks that were so queasymaking to look at. Mandarb, Lan's stallion, was there, tall, and black, and fierceeyed, but the man himself was not, and none of the Aes Sedai, none of the women, were in evidence yet either. Moiraine's white mare, Aldieb, stepped daintily beside the stallion.
Rand's bay stallion was with the other group on the far side of the courtyard, with Ingtar, and a bannerman holding Ingtar's Gray Owl banner, and twenty other armored men with lances tipped with two feet of steel, all mounted already. The bars of their helmets covered their faces, and golden surcoats with the Black Hawk on the chest hid their plateandmail. Only Ingtar's helmet had a crest, a crescent moon above his brow, points up. Rand recognized some of the men. Roughtongued Uno, with a long scar down his face and only one eye. Ragan and Masema. Others who had exchanged a word, or played a game of stones. Ragan waved to him, and Uno nodded, but Masema was not the only one who gave him a cold stare and turned away. Their packhorses stood placidly, tails swishing.
The big bay danced as Rand tied his saddlebags and bundle behind the highcantled saddle. He put his foot in the stirrup and murmured, “Easy, Red,” as he swung into the saddle, but he let the stallion frisk away some of his stablebound energy.
To Rand's surprise, Loial appeared from the direction of the stables, riding to join them. The Ogier's hairyfetlocked mount was as big and heavy as a prime Dhurran stallion. Beside it, all the other animals looked the size of Bela, but with Loial in the saddle, the horse seemed almost a pony.
Loial carried no weapon that Rand could see; he had never heard of any Ogier using a weapon. Their stedding were protection enough. And Loial had his own priorities, his own ideas of what was needed for a journey. The pockets of his long coat had a telltale bulge, and his saddlebags showed the square imprints of books.
The Ogier stopped his horse a little way off and looked at Rand, his tufted ears twitching uncertainly.
“I didn't know you were coming,” Rand said. “I'd think you would have had enough of traveling with us. This time there's no telling how long it will be, or where we will end up.”
Loial's ears lifted a little. “There was no telling when I first met you, either. Besides, what held then, holds now. I can't let the chance pass to see history actually weave itself around ta'veren. And to hel