“No,” I say.
Evangeline turns her face from me, but I know she’s crying.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you,” I say.
She looks back at me. “Well, you have. I guess it’s lucky I don’t have a heart, because you would’ve broken it.”
I reach out for her, but she pushes me away.
“I won’t wait for you, Ash.”
“I never asked you to,” I say.
She sighs, her shoulders slumping, the fight gone out of her. Evangeline gazes up at the moon, her black eyes glistening in the silvery light. A single tear slides down her cheek, but she doesn’t wipe it away.
“I just thought if you got to know me better, you’d want to be with me instead of her. But that’s not going to happen, is it?” she says quietly.
“No. I don’t think so.”
She lets out a shuddering breath, and I feel terrible for hurting her like this, but I can’t lie. Leading her on would be worse in the long run.
“Evangeline, do you even find me attractive?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says. “You’re very handsome—”
“No, I don’t mean superficial stuff. Do you actually like me?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m attracted to you, but it’s . . . it’s a physical thing. Like a craving. I barely know you, Ash.”
I nod, understanding. There’s definitely a physical attraction between me and Evangeline, but not an emotional connection like I have with Natalie.
“I think there’s this real pressure on us to feel a certain way about each other, because we were meant to be Blood Mates. But you don’t feel it for me, not really, and I don’t feel it for you,” I say.
She lets out a tiny sob. “Ash—”
I pull her into my arms and hold her as she cries. She’s so small, so fragile. The zoo around us is deathly quiet, the cages bare and void of life. This is her world: silent, alone. It was my life, before Natalie. I am the lucky one. How different things could have been . . . I hate the fact I’m resigning her to this fate, but what can I do? The one thing Evangeline needs is the one thing I can’t give her: my heart.
“You’ll find someone else, someone better,” I say as she pulls away from me.
“Who? We’re the only twin-bloods left.”
“No we’re not. There’s more of us out there. I’ve seen it with my own eyes,” I reply. “We can search for them together.”
Suddenly she stands up.
“There’s no reason for me to wait. There’s nothing for me here. Annora’s gone, you’ve got Natalie, and Sigur doesn’t really need me. It’s time to go,” she says.
“You can’t go now,” I say, getting to my feet.
“Why not? Give me one reason to stay.”
I can’t.
“Good-bye, Ash. Maybe we’ll meet again someday.”
She goes to the boat that will take her back to the Boundary Wall. Giving me one last, lingering look, she sails away. My heart tugs as it senses her leave.
I wonder if I’ll ever see her again.
33
NATALIE
I BARGE INTO MOTHER’S OFFICE. She’s surrounded by her cronies, who all stare at me in stunned silence as I pick up a glass paperweight and throw it across the room. It smashes against the portrait of Purian Rose hanging above the fireplace.
“Natalie!”
“How could you?” I scream. “You infected the Darklings with Wrath?”
The staff members scurry out the door, eager to get away, and I slam the door behind them.
Mother narrows her icy blue eyes at me. “I don’t know where you heard that nonsense about the Wrath but—”
“Cut the crap! I know you did it. What I don’t understand is why,” I say.
Mother tenses, accentuating the sharp angles of her bony frame. She’s about to protest, then sighs, relenting. “Because Darklings are vermin and need to be exterminated.”
I knew she was involved, but to hear her admit it still knocks the wind out of me.
“What about Chris and those other kids? The ones who took your Golden Haze? Were they just vermin too?” I say.
“Their deaths were unfortunate, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over a couple of Hazers.”
Anger flares up inside me. “Well, I’d start to worry if I were you. Sigur knows everything.”
“How?” she asks.
“I told him.”
Mother stands up, knocking back her green leather chair. It crashes to the floor.
“Do you realize the danger you’ve put us in?” she exclaims.
“I didn’t put us in danger; you did with this insane plan! Why did you do it? I just don’t understand,” I say.
Mother turns slightly, so I can only see her profile, and stares into the fireplace. The orange flames flicker, and shadows dance over her pale skin. The effect makes her gaunt face look almost skeletal, and it hits me how sick she’s looking, how tired.
“I had no choice, Natalie. After your father betrayed us, Purian Rose was going to have us all executed, to make an example of us.” She doesn’t sound like her normal confident self. She sounds . . . scared. “But I persuaded him to spare us.”
“How?” I ask.
“I knew he wanted to pass Rose’s Law—it was all he’d been talking about for months.” She glances over her bony shoulder at me. “We had to find a way to persuade the citizens to vote for it. We knew there would be objections, especially from Humans for Unity.”
I walk over to her. “I still don’t see how this ties in with the Golden Haze. Why did you want to infect the Darklings with the Wrath virus?” I say.
Mother peers up at the portrait of Purian Rose like she’s worried he can hear us. His wolfish silver eyes glower down at us.
“Didn’t you ever think it was odd that the Black City School was right next to the Boundary gates?” she says.
I nod. “Yes, actually, I did.”
“It wasn’t a mistake. The idea was to get the Darklings infected with the Wrath and then”—she licks her lips—“then we were going to open the gates and unleash them on the school. We were going to blame it on Humans for Unity and claim they let the nippers out. Those idiots have been playing into our hands this whole time with their protests.”
I gasp. The horror of it is overwhelming. Purian Rose ordered the deaths of hundreds of children?
“Why?” I say.
“We’d win the ballot for sure. No one would be able to deny how dangerous Darklings were after that,” Mother says. “I told Purian Rose I’d run the mission, and if it went wrong, I’d take the full blame. It was win-win for him.”
I look her in the eyes, and for the first time ever, I see the frightened, vulnerable woman behind them.
“That was the deal I made with him to protect you and Polly. I had to do it. There was no other way,” she says.
“But you sent me to that school.” The truth finally dawns on me. “Rose wanted me to die so people wouldn’t suspect he had anything to do with the Wrath attack. I mean, why would he allow the daughter of an Emissary to die?”
She grabs my hands and looks earnestly at me. “I pleaded with him to spare you, but he wouldn’t listen. Why do you think I’ve had Sebastian watch you so closely? I wanted him there to protect you when the Wraths attacked. It was going to happen next Tuesday, the day after the boundary negotiations ended. We figured it would be the best time, as Humans for Unity would be furious when I refused to expand the Darkling territory.”
“Sebastian knew about this?”
Mother doesn’t need to answer. Of course he must have known about the plan. He’s been helping Mother all along. That’s why Sebastian was asked to attend the spiritual retreat. He was being rewarded.
I slip my hands free from Mother’s grasp.
“Don’t be mad at Sebastian. He was just following orders,” she says. “It was his idea to orchestrate the Tracker trials. We hoped if some of the students had defensive training, it would minimize casualties.”
“You ordered the Tracker trials? I thought that was Purian Rose’s initiative.”
“I convinced him it was a good idea to enlist more Trackers, but he didn’t know my real reason for doing it,” Mother says.
“Were you still going to go ahead with the plan, despite the fact Humans for Unity got there ahead of you and bombed the wall?” I ask.
She nods. “Purian Rose said it would be the final nail in the coffin for the Darklings and Humans for Unity. Citizens would have no choice but to vote for Rose’s Law. In a way, the bombing worked in our favor; it proved Humans for Unity were extremists. People would believe us when we claimed they did it.”
I shake my head, trying to take it all in. There’s so much blood on Mother’s hands it makes me sick to think about it.
On the floor by my feet are the shards of glass from the paperweight I threw at the wall. They sparkle in the firelight, just like Ash’s eyes. My heart clenches when I think about him, think about how much I’ve lost because of my mother.
“I can’t believe you went along with such an insane plan,” I finally say. “I could’ve been killed. Don’t you care about me at all?”
“Of course I care. You’re my daughter.”
“That’s never mattered to you before. You let Purian Rose torture Polly. She’s your daughter too.”
“I had no choice!”
“You did. You could’ve stood up to Purian Rose that night. You could’ve tried something. Instead you just handed her over to him.”
Mother’s gaunt face hardens. “Don’t forget, young lady, it was your fault Polly was even there.”
I wince, stung by her words.
It wasn’t your fault, Father’s soft voice says inside my head. You were just a child.
My hands begin to shake as fury builds up inside me. I’m sick of Mother holding me solely responsible for what happened to Polly. It’s not right; it’s not fair.
“Don’t you dare blame me,” I say. “She was hurt because you didn’t protect her. You’re her mother. You should’ve done more to save her.”
Mother blanches.
“Just answer me this one question: why did you choose me over her? I know she’s your favorite, so don’t even try to deny it,” I say.
“I don’t.”
Even though I already knew, it still stings to hear.
“It’s true I loved Polly more than you,” Mother continues. “You were always your father’s favorite, and for good reason.”
“What good reason?”
Mother turns back to the fire and shuts her eyes. “John wasn’t Polly’s father.”
I don’t say anything for a minute as the news crashes over me. Polly is my half sister? But I suppose it explains why we don’t look anything alike.
“Who’s her father?” I ask, a horrible thought dawning on me.
Mother points a shaky finger at the portrait of the man with wolfish silver eyes hanging above the fireplace.
Purian Rose.
“No!” I scream, backing away from the painting.
“He has no idea Polly’s his daughter,” Mother says.
“You did it to hurt Rose, even though he had no idea Polly was his child?”
She nods. “I intended to tell him one day, but I was waiting for the right time.”
“You mean when it benefited you?” I say, understanding.
“Politics is war, Natalie,” she replies. “I needed an insurance policy. If anyone finds out Purian Rose has an illegitimate daughter, whom he tortured, it could end his career.”
“So you were going to blackmail him?”
“Yes,” she says.
“You’re unbelievable. Aren’t you worried he’d just kill Polly to stop the truth getting out?”
She laughs at this. “If he lays one finger on her, my associates in Centrum will release DNA reports confirming he’s her father. The truth will still come out. This isn’t the first time I’ve blackmailed someone—give me some credit.”
I sit down in a red leather chair and bury my head in my hands, trying to process all this new information. Betrayal burns deep inside me. How could my parents keep a secret as big as that from me all these years?
Mother rests a thoughtful finger on her lips as she studies me. I can tell she’s trying to work out something. Her eyes narrow.
“Natalie, what were you doing with Sigur Marwick?”
“I don’t have to answer that,” I say, standing up.
She slams her hand against her mahogany desk, making me jump. Our mother-daughter bonding moment has ended. It’s business as usual. I lift my chin and stare at her defiantly.
“I was attending a funeral,” I say.
“Whose funeral?” she says slowly.
“Annora Fisher’s.”
Mother’s red lips tighten. She recognizes the name. “Sigur’s Blood Mate?”
“You knew her?” I ask.
“Oh, yes. She was high up in the Legion Liberation Front and caused us no end of trouble during the war. How did you know her?”
“She was my boyfriend’s mother,” I say.
Mother inhales sharply.
I smile coldly. I got the intended reaction. The only thing my mother hates more than Darklings is race traitors. I storm out of her office, ignoring her shouts for me to “come back right now, young lady!” and head straight for my bedroom. Taking out the suitcase from under my bed, I start to pile clothes into it. I tip my jewelry box on the bed and pick out the most expensive items, leaving my father’s watch safe to one side. I’ll pawn the rest. It won’t be much, but it should be enough to get me a room in Centrum for a few weeks until I can arrange to have Polly sent down to me—my sister can’t stay here with her. I still have friends in Centrum; they can help out. I just need to get away from here, away from these monsters.