Make him smile and moan and tremble when I touch him.
That’s what he does when I start unbuckling his weapons belt. Then, he places his left hand over mine. His right touches my cheek.
“Again, don’t take this the wrong way,” he says, his voice sounding strained. “But I’m going to walk out of here.”
The way he slides my pants over my hips suggests differently. I step out of my shoes and let him finish stripping me down to just my bra and undies. He’s kneeling in front of me long enough that I have to run my hand through his already disheveled hair. I love how untamed it is, how untamed he is.
“Aren,” I say. I mean to make his name an encouragement, to let him know that this is okay, that I’m not going to stop him, I want him, but my voice comes out just as strained as his, and when he runs his hands up my thighs, I can’t manage any more words. My muscles quiver. I’m barely able to stay on my feet.
But then, he straightens, and, quickly, he picks me up and sets me in the tub.
I gasp when the ice-cold water bites at my calves.
“Sidhe,” he mutters. “Sorry.”
Keeping one hand on my hip, he bends down to submerge his other hand beneath the water’s surface. It warms immediately.
I raise an eyebrow when he straightens, then say, “That’s one way to cool me off.”
He laughs at that, and his smile and the brightness in his silver eyes makes my heart skip.
“Yeah, I…” He clears his throat, releases my hip. “Will you be okay? I’d stay and help, but I’d have to touch you, and if I touch you one more second…I think you need rest more than you need me right now.”
That’s extremely debatable.
“I’ll bring you something to eat.”
Or maybe he’s right. Now that he’s brought up the idea, my stomach decides to remind me I haven’t eaten anything in almost two days. And it’s probably not a bad idea to rest before I…before we…
God, I really want to be with him.
He gives me one of his crooked half grins, and his gaze and his posture tell me just how difficult it is for him to walk away.
And that’s one more thing I love about him I realize as he’s closing the bathroom door. I love that he needs me as much as I need him. Kyol always made leaving me look easy…
Kyol.
I almost slip in the tub.
He’s the garistyn, the kingkiller. I don’t think Tylan was lying when he said that’s one of the reasons the high nobles aren’t approving Lena. Whatever their opinion was of Atroth, they aren’t happy he was killed. I just never realized how unhappy they were.
With shaking hands, I strip off my undergarments. I don’t know if the shaking is because I’m weak and hungry or if it’s because I’m afraid. I try to convince myself that Kyol will be okay. Lena needs him. She has to protect him, but I know him too well. He’s too damn noble to let this go on for long. He’ll turn himself in because it’s what’s best for the Realm and because he blames himself for not being able to find a way to save his king.
Naked now, I sink into the tub, letting the warm water swallow me. The only reason Kyol hasn’t already stepped forward as the garistyn is because it’s not the right time. He’ll wait until he’s sure Lena’s place as the Realm’s queen is secure. Then he’ll let the high nobles kill him.
I clench my hands into fists. I won’t let that happen.
TWENTY-SIX
I DON’T INTEND to fall asleep, but climbing out of the tub and pulling on a pair of fae-made pants and a soft, loose top siphons my last ounce of energy. When I lie down on my bed, I pass out, sinking into two sets of dreams.
The first are my usual dreams. They’re dark and terrifying and star more than one of my enemies. Thrain’s face is foremost. It always is. He’s the fae who dragged me into this world. He hurt me. He deliberately made me fear him. But I fear others too, now. Micid, the ther’othi who could walk the In-Between. Radath, the king’s lord general who would have preferred to see me raped and broken in a tjandel rather than helping him hunt the Court fae’s enemies. And there’s a third face now, one that I can’t quite make out in the shadows. I try to force Caelar’s face to fit there, or Tylan’s. I even try a number of the other false-bloods I’ve tracked down over the years, but none of their silhouettes fit.
I’m not sure I’d survive the first set of dreams if it wasn’t for the second. Aren’s in each and every one of them, holding me, touching me, kissing me. Sometimes we’re in the Realm, my white lightning coiling around our bodies. Other times, we’re in my world. He’s taking my breath away against a brick wall in London or I’m kissing every one of his chaos lusters on the Strip in Vegas. And, every so often, we’re in between worlds, making love as we disappear into a strip of radiant white light.
I hold on to every moment with Aren as long as I can, but I toss and turn no matter which set of dreams I’m trapped in until a warm body locks me against his chest.
Aren shushes softly beside my ear until I relax. It’s only then, wrapped in his cedar and cinnamon scent, that I truly sleep.
HOURS later, Aren shifts.
I burrow closer against him. This feels good. It feels normal. I want this every single morning.
“Sorry,” he whispers. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I’ve been awake for a while.” I grab his hand, intertwine my fingers with his.
“You’ve been asleep for a while,” he says.
“How long?”
“A little more than half a day.” His thumb rubs across my palm. “You’ve missed dinner and breakfast. Another hour and you’ll miss lunch as well.” He nuzzles my hair. “You smell better.”
I grin, then roll to my back so I can see him. He hasn’t been this relaxed and happy in a while, certainly not since we took the palace. He was more comfortable in the role of a rogue who disrupted the plans of the Realm’s ruler; it’s not quite as easy keeping the Realm’s potential ruler in power. But I’ve always known this wasn’t a fairy tale. If it were, everything would have been perfect the second we ousted the king.
I breathe him in, then draw my fingers along the strong line of his jaw. I forgave him with a kiss when we were in Nakano’s compound. I realized I should have used words when I was being held by the remnants. I should have made it absolutely clear that I’m his forever.
So I make it clear now.
“I fell in love with you,” I tell him.
He raises an eyebrow, gives me one of his half grins. “Just now?”
“No, 16.6 seconds ago.” I lightly punch his shoulder. He laughs and pulls me closer.
“I don’t know when,” I say. “Maybe when you gave me that diamond necklace.”
“Ah,” he says sagely. “I’ve always heard humans could be lured in with sparkling rocks.”
My smile widens. “You are so charming today.”
“Aren’t I?” He presses a kiss to my temple. I feel him shudder when a chaos luster leaps to his lips.
He sits up. Swallows. His eyes are a deep, steamy silver.
“You should eat now,” he says, his rough voice sending a stroke of heat through my body. “You’re going to need the energy.”