To my relief, Cam was distracted by Becca as she urged him to help her greet more guests. I was left alone with Malcolm, left alone to try to assure him that I was all right. That we were all right. I laughed at his jokes, I touched him affectionately, and I gave him my whole focus, even when we found ourselves in a group talking with Cam and Becca. Even when I felt the heat of Cam’s gaze on me, I devoted my attention to Malcolm.
An hour later I felt exhausted by the effort and excused myself to use the bathroom in the hallway near the front entrance. I had just slipped inside and was shutting the door behind me when it was forced open again. I stumbled back, astonished, as Cam quickly stepped inside and slammed the door behind him. He locked it and then faced me.
I wished I’d worn heels. In my flat boots I was only five ten and Cam had two inches on me. It wasn’t much, but he was built of solid muscle and when he was powered by seething anger, he might as well have had a whole foot on me.
Trembling, I gestured to the door with a jerky hand. ‘What are you doing? Someone could have seen you.’
His blue eyes snapped cold fire at me. ‘Malcolm, you mean.’
‘Or Becca,’ I reminded him through clenched teeth. ‘Remember her? Your girlfriend?’
Cam ignored me and I shivered as his gaze drifted slowly down my body, then climbed back up. I tingled all over. His lips quirked up at the corner as our eyes met. ‘You look gorgeous tonight. I’ve never seen you like this.’
As we continued to stare at each other in silence I felt my heart race and my breathing speed up. I had to get out of there before I did something unbelievably stupid. Hoping I looked suitably determined and pissed off, I closed the distance between us. ‘Let me out of here, Cameron.’
He held his hands up in surrender and stepped aside, but as soon as I reached for the lock I found my back flattened against the door, Cam’s body pressed against mine, and his hands braced on either side of my head, imprisoning me.
‘Wha–’
‘Hush.’ His breath whispered against my lips and he lowered his hands until they circled my waist. ‘You feel this too. You’ve felt it since the night we met.’
I couldn’t find my voice, lost in a mixture of exultation that I hadn’t been alone in this from the beginning and anxiety that we were doing something wrong and we’d be caught. I licked my lips nervously.
He took it as an invitation.
My gasp was swallowed by his kiss, his mouth hot as his tongue slid against mine. Stubble scratched my skin as he deepened the kiss, and his right hand glided up my side, over my ribs, until it came to a rest at my breast. His thumb brushed the underside deliberately. My skin immediately caught fire and I reached for him, my arms curling around his neck, drawing him closer. I moaned into his mouth, my heart hammering as my senses went on overload. I could taste coffee on his tongue, smell the scent of his skin, feel his heat, his strength. I was surrounded. And I wanted more.
I forgot where we were.
Who we were.
All I cared about was climbing inside of Cam.
Our grip on each other was almost painful, our kiss hard, wet, desperate.
Right.
Cam groaned, the vibration reverberating in my chest and soaring downward between my legs, and I writhed against him. He got the message, pressing his body deeper against mine, his erection digging into my lower stomach as his legs spread mine farther apart. I whimpered with a want that was out of control and Cam pulled back to stare at my swollen lips. I’d never seen a man so lost in a sexual fog and my sex clenched at the knowledge of the power I had over him, my knickers damp as my body grew ready for him.
Cam nipped at my bottom lip, and then licked the same spot. ‘I’ve fantasized a million times about this mouth,’ he told me hoarsely before crushing my lips against his again.
The embrace was even more out of control than the last one, and when I felt his warm fingers against the inside of my thigh, I deepened the kiss, urging him onward to explore. When I felt his fingers go beneath my underwear, I almost exploded.
His fingers slipped torturously slowly inside me and I cried out against his mouth, my hips jerking against his hand.
Cam dragged his mouth from mine, panting against my neck. ‘If we don’t stop, I’m going to fuck you right here.’
Those words were like a cold shower and I pitched back under the icy blast – guilt and shame I’d never felt before spraying down on me as Cam lifted his head to look at me.
Slowly, as he took in my expression, the sexual haze dissipated from his eyes and I felt the loss of his fingers. ‘Jo …’
I shook my head at him and pushed against his shoulders, trying to fight back the tears. ‘We can’t do this. What are we doing?’
The muscle in Cam’s jaw twitched and he abruptly released me, only to grab me by the upper arms, his expression raw with some unnamed emotion. ‘I’m ending it with Becca. Tonight.’
Tonight? Now? The blood rushed in my ears as panic set in and I realized what he really meant …
‘I know. It’s shit, I know. But I can’t go on like this. I’m not the guy who cheats on his girlfriend. And I can’t continue to be the guy who fucks his girlfriend wishing all the time she was someone else.’
Elation and fear washed over me in equal measure. ‘Cam, I …’
‘You want this. I know you do.’ He pressed his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, breathing him in. ‘Will you leave Malcolm?’
My muscles locked and I knew Cam felt it, because his grip on my arms tightened.‘Johanna?’
The truth was, I didn’t know the answer to that question. Walking away from Malcolm wasn’t just about me. It was about me and Cole and our future.
‘You’re telling me you’re going to stay with that guy?’ Cam asked harshly, shaking me a little. ‘You’re going to go through the rest of your life standing at his side at parties, laughing that stupid bloody fake giggle, with your eyes contradicting your mouth every time it opens.’ He pulled back and I almost flinched at the distaste in his eyes. ‘That girl you were out there is not Jo. I don’t know who that is, but she’s an arse who pisses me off. She’s fake, she’s simpering, and she’s a fucking bimbo. She’s not you.’
We were silent, our breathing uneven and loud as we worked to calm the tension between us. Hurt by his words, and yet in agreement with them, I found my mind whirling as I tried to weigh my options, the consequences, what was right and what was wrong.
I took too long to answer.
Cam let go of me and I shivered, feeling instantly cold. I wanted to die at the look he gave me.
Without another word, he reached past me to unlock the door and I found myself unceremoniously moved aside as he wrenched it open and disappeared into the party.
Tears clogged my throat, but I refused to let them travel to my eyes, my hands clenching at my sides. I could handle this without the waterworks. I knew I could.
Moving on shaking legs, I slumped against the sink to stare at my reflection and then gasped in horror. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes bright, and my skirt was still rucked up a little from where Cam had slipped his hand between my legs. I gasped again, remembering his fingers in me, and I gripped the sink so tight that my knuckles turned white. My nipples were peaked against my shirt and the colour was still high on my cheeks.
I had to get myself under control or everyone would know what I’d been up to.
I gave myself ten minutes and as I returned to Malcolm’s side, I saw Cam out of the corner of my eye shoving his way through the crowds of people towards the exit. The front door slammed loudly not too long after.
‘You okay?’ Malcolm’s voice pulled my head around.
‘He’s a bastard!’ Becca could suddenly be heard over the hum of music and voices. Malcolm and I twisted around to find her. She was in the corner, being comforted by her friends.
‘Do you think he dumped her?’ Malcolm asked in my ear. ‘While you were in the bathroom they were arguing.’
Ashamed that I knew the answer all too well, I couldn’t look at him. ‘Looks like it.’
‘You okay?’ he repeated.
‘I’m not feeling this party.’ I shrugged.
‘Yeah, and it looks like Becca is about to kick off.’ Malcolm sighed. ‘Would it be awful if we snuck out?’
I threw him a weak smile. ‘It would be great.’
He held my jacket and I shrugged into it. Two seconds later I let him pull me out of the flat. Without a word we walked down Leamington Terrace to the main road on Bruntsfield Place and waited for a taxi to approach with its light on. When we had no luck, Malcolm took out his phone. ‘I’ll just call us one. We’ll go back to my place for a while, yeah?’
I thought about heading back to his place with him, of him leading me up to his room like he always did, undressing me slowly and pushing me back on the bed …
It left me cold.
It made me feel sick with guilt.
Like I was cheating …
Malcolm had just put the phone to his ear when I found myself blurting out, ‘Stop.’
Taken aback, Malcolm immediately lowered his phone and switched it off. His eyes washed over my face and whatever he saw there made his lips pinch tight together. He took a moment and then he asked, ‘What’s going on?’
My practicality had taken a run and jumped off the nearest cliff. My emotions were fully in charge as I replied, ‘I can’t go back to your place.’
And then he surprised the hell out of me. ‘Because of Cam.’
After working so hard to control them earlier, I felt those blasted tears hit my eyes. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Malcolm heaved a sigh and I saw pain flicker in his gaze as it searched my face. ‘I really care about you, Jo.’
‘I care about you, too.’
‘I see the way he looks at you. The way you look at him. I knew there was something …’
‘I’m sorry.’
He shook his head, holding a hand up to stop me. ‘Don’t.’