“She was traumatised by what those jocks nearly did to her, Ara,” Jason said. “She had no one to talk to that even believed her, aside from David.”
“Even my own mother didn’t believe me,” Emily said.
“The only other person who did was your dad, Ara.”
I saw my dad’s face in my mind—saw the way Emily used to look at him, and it all made sense.
“Things weren’t good for me at home,” she continued. “I tried to go hang out with David as much as possible, but he likes his space, you know.”
I nodded.
“And he had rules,” she said, her thoughts making her eyes distant. “I broke one of those rules, and that’s what started everything.”
“What rule?”
“I wasn't allowed to tell anyone I was at his house.”
“Why?”
“Just in case he killed her,” Jason said.
“Oh.”
Emily shivered a little, her hand tightening on mine. “Anyway, one afternoon my mom got in my face about a few things, and I stormed out. She asked where I was going and, without thinking, told her I was going over to David’s. But, when I got there, he was in one of his moods, as usual. And when he found out that I’d told my mom where I was, he was so mad that I actually got scared. So, I left and told him I never wanted to see him again. He demanded I come back, but I didn’t. Later, he showed up at my house.”
“Long story short,” Jason said, “Emily was his little lamb—the wide-eyed innocent creature that would follow him anywhere. For her to stand up to him like that—” Jase shook his head, exhaling. “He needed the upper hand again. He needed control of her.”
Emily shrunk a little more. “He was my first, Ara. And I really—” She closed her eyes for a second, her lips turning down so deeply her chin crinkled. “Really wish I could take it all back.”
“Does he?”
“Does he what?”
“Does he regret it?”
“Why do you think he never wanted you to know?” Jason said.
“Was . . . did he ever plan to turn her?” I asked. “Knowing she’d die after being bound to him.”
Jason shook his head. “He’s done this to so many girls, Ara. I’ve lost count.”
“What?”
“Every time he took his biannual leave, a trail of girls were left in his wake—usually committing suicide within about two months of him leaving.”
“And you were gonna be his next tragic summer romance,” Emily said. “Lucky for you, he fell in love with you instead.”
All the pictures of my past flitted to mind, so bright with the yellow light of the sun that every breath of summer filled me with nothing but joy, suddenly dying under the rolling cloud of revelation. But I wasn’t that surprised, not after everything I’d learned about him since the day we met. I’d seen the signs. I knew what kind of man he was. I also knew he was remorseful. Yet it hurt so deeply that he didn’t tell me any of this. And I just wanted to smack him. “Why would he lie to me? I asked him directly if he’d been with you. Why didn't he just tell me the truth?”
“To be honest, Ara,” Jason said, “he regrets it all so deeply he can’t even say the words.”
“The moment he fell for you, all that human compassion he’d pushed aside came rushing to the surface,” Emily said. “And he was dead ashamed of himself. He still is.”
David’s own words rang through me then, healing a small chunk of my heart, but not enough for me to forget the lies: Love me for who I am now, not what I was then. “Why is he so ashamed? Just for sleeping with you?” I kind of laughed. “You’re not that hideous, Emily.”
She laughed too, but the smile fell away quickly and she just sat there toying with the hem of her dress. “It was more because of . . . how it happened.”
My eyes flicked unconsciously onto Jason, who bit his lip. “Jase? How did it happen?”
“He—”
“It’s something you need to ask him,” Emily cut in.
“Em, you know he’ll never tell me.”
“Then you’ll never know,” she said, holding my gaze.
Jason’s green eyes stood out in my peripheral, slightly warmed with a hint of a smile he could never erase, but cold with the concern he had for me right then. I held Em’s gaze as long as I could, but she wasn’t backing down. Whatever David did to her, she was protecting him, and I wanted to know why.
“Fine?” I said, standing up. “Don’t tell me. I’ll ask him.”
“Ara?” Jason called.
“Don’t.” I heard Emily say. “Just let her go.”
“But she shouldn’t be near him, he might—”
I stopped listening. I just didn’t care what David might do. My limbs were driven by a force much stronger than fear or curiosity; they were driven by undiluted anger—years worth of lies and betrayal all rolling into one giant ball of fury.
I slept with Jase, and that was bad, yeah, but this . . . well, at least I didn’t knowingly carry the lie from beginning to end.
***“Ara?” Arthur called as I passed at full human speed on the stairwell. “Where are you going?”
“To find David.”
“He’s in his new room. Is everything all right?”
My fists clenched tighter by my sides. “No.”
“Ara, wait?” he called, but I didn’t wait. I marched step by step to the third floor and turned the corner, seeing David by the window outside his room; he stood in casual clothes with his hands in his pockets, his troubled gaze on the yard below. The afternoon sun lit his face, making his hair glow with those golden tones I’d always loved, and it just made the pain go so much deeper. He’d turn and look at me, maybe hear what I had to say, but his eyes would never smile at me again. I’d never see love there again.
He laid something on the windowsill, looking up in shock when he saw me coming. “Ara?”
“You asshole!” I lashed out to slap him across the face, but he spun and grabbed my wrist before contact, hooking his foot under my ankle to flip me onto the floor at his feet.
“What are you doing, Ara?”
“Let go of me.” I wriggled out of his grip. “I'm so mad at you. You looked me in the eye, and you lied to me.”
He stood back, his eyes shrinking, focusing then smiling as realisation flooded through him. “Hurts, doesn't it?”
I hugged my knee to my chest. “Yes.”
“Good. I'm glad they told you. I'm glad it’s out now, and it couldn’t have come at better time.”
“Why?”
“Because you deserve to suffer. What I did was a long time ago. I never even knew you then, so you have no right to comment. But what you did, well—” He shook his head. “You pretty much deserve to burn in hell, you worthless little whore.”
I looked up quickly into his icy green eyes. “How can you say that to me?”
“Easy. I have absolutely no care anymore for how you feel.” He jammed his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels. “It’s rather liberating, really.”
I made myself smaller.
“Oh, get up.” He dragged me to stand. “Don't sit there and wallow in it. No one’s going to care.”
I jerked my arm from his grip. “That’s where you’re wrong. People do care about me, David. Some of them care no matter what mistakes I’ve made.”
“Guess they’re the fools then, aren't they?”
“No.” I turned away. “They’re ones worthy of my love in return.”
“Didn’t know that was possible,” he scoffed.
My footsteps halted. I spun slowly around and marched back up to him. “You know what? You’re a jerk, and the truth is, I do have a right to be hurt about what you did to Emily—”
“To Emily?” he cut in. “You mean with Emily.”
“No. I mean to. Because I don’t think it was consensual. The way she talked about it—”
“What did she say?” He grabbed my arm.
“Why would you ask that?” I peeled his fingers off me. “If it was mutual, then—”
“So you think I raped her?”
“Not raped her.” I held his gaze. “I know you, and despite you having been this monster in your past, I would never label you something horrid. But I don’t believe she wanted to do it wholeheartedly. And I don’t believe you cared all that much.”
“Well, I don’t really care what you think.” He gazed out the window again, severing the conversation.
“It’s not my opinion that matters here, David. It’s the facts. You used her. You took her virginity so you could control her.”
“Perhaps I did. So what?”
“Had you told me you slept with her before we started dating, I would have been okay with it. I would have,” I repeated when he grunted. “Had you told me you forced her so you could make her do whatever you wanted. . .” I took a few steps away from him. “I would’ve avoided you like the plague.”
He looked up at me.
“You’re sick,” I added, my lip lifting in disgust. “And everything you’ve done—the way you’ve acted since I told you the truth about Jason and I, has only proven to me that nothing about that monster you were back then has really changed. And a part of me, David—” I looked him in the eye for a very long moment, “—is glad you broke it off with me, because I can’t stand to look at you now.”
“Get back here, Ara!” he yelled as I walked away. “Ara!”
“Just leave me alone,” I muttered. “Don’t ever talk to me again.”
“No.” He grabbed my arm and spun me around. “It doesn’t end like this. You don’t get to walk away and think whatever you want about me.”
“Why?” I tired to pull free but he wouldn't let me. “Because you want the upper hand?”
“You swore to me, Ara, that you would love me no matter what; that you would not look at the things I’d done in my past and judge me—”
“And you swore to love and honour me, too, David. But as soon as that love was tested, as soon as I told you one of my dark truths, you threw that in my face. You didn’t even try to understand. In fact, you’re going as far as to have me punished for it. But what do I get to do? How do I get to free myself from the anger I feel for the lies you told me—repeatedly? I never looked you in the eye and told you I hadn’t slept with Jason. I—”
“No, worse, you just kept it from me—”
“I didn’t keep it from you,” I yelled, shocking David a bit. “I didn’t know it’d happened. And if I had, I would’ve told you immediately after.”