I scratch his ears, "You have fun in the woods?"
He makes his weird noises and nips at me. He sniffs me and sneezes. I laugh. He turns and looks at Will, growling again.
I grab his mane, "No."
He snarls once and then coughs. Will walks to the edge of the road and sits on a log just inside of the forest.
I walk to Will and kneel in front of him, "You okay?"
He shakes his head, "I'll be fine. If I'm not you kill Bern for me okay?"
I laugh and look at Bernie who rolls his eyes again.
I give Leo my severe look for when I want him to listen to my command, he cowers. I point at Will, "You keep him safe. I'll be back okay?" I kneel again and lean into Leo's fur, "I like him. Please." I stand up and look at them both.
Leo growls.
Will looks like he might growl too.
I pout my hands on my hips, "Make it work."
Leo looks at Will and lifts his lip. Will does the same. I clap bringing their faces around to me, "BEHAVE!"
They both have the same look.
I turn and stalk back to the truck with Bernie. He looks back, "He's gonna eat him."
I shake my head, "No, it's an act for me."
He shakes his head, "No. Em, he's gonna eat Will."
I look back and notice Leo is in his stance for attack. I laugh and get into the truck. I shout out, "I mean it!"
They both look at me and then Will loses his breakfast all over the forest floor. Leo jumps back, horrified.
I laugh, "He's good."
Bernie starts the truck, "That’s a big friggin’ wolf."
Chapter Thirteen
We race inside with the cure. Anna is out completely, on the couch. Star looks like she's been crying and Jake looks sick.
"Where's Will?" he asks.
I ignore him and pull apart the cylinder as Bernie wipes her arm down. He puts a hand out. I pass him the huge needle. He injects it into her arm. He looks worried. That makes me sick.
"How long has she been like this?" he asks and puts the back of his hand on her forehead.
Star hugs herself, "Two days."
Jake grabs my arms hard, "Where's Will?"
I shake my head, snapping out of the million things I'm thinking that are not good. "He's back on the road puking. He's sick from the vaccine."
Jake scowls, "You left him?"
I nod, "He's with Leo."
Jake shakes me slightly, "Em, focus. Is he okay?"
I look away from Anna's sweaty face to him and nod, "He's fine." I frown, "Is your throat sore?"
He swallows and shakes his head, "It's fine."
Bernie arches an eyebrow, "The other one in the truck is still good."
I clench my jaw, "What if he's not sick?"
He shakes his head, "I don’t know. Want to wait for him to get sicker?"
I grimace and process it. Star jumps up and grabs his arm, spinning him, "You're sick?"
He clears his throat, "No."
She puts her hand on his forehead and nods, "He's sick."
"Shit," I mutter and run back out to the truck. I grab a wipes packet and the cylinder and run back inside.
I tear the packet and wipe his arm down. I give him a grin, "This is gonna sting."
He furrows his dark brow, and as I slide the needle into his arm, he winces. I inject him slowly like we were shown at camp.
I notice the way Star is gripping to him and smirk. His eyes dart back and forth between us. The blush on his cheeks and the worry on her face, makes me feel better about the choice I've made.
I love him but not in the right way. I want to suck him dry of the goodness inside of him. I want him to fill in the cracks inside of me, smooth out the edges. But what was he ever going to get from the deal? A surly, mean, cross girl who would never know how to love him the way he deserved. Star on the other hand, is light and flighty...like him. She finds joy and peace, even though her life has been hard. She smiles and jokes and wears too short of shorts in an innocent way.
I think Marshall and the others have always seen her as a joke, just like I did. But seeing her as my sister, even a half, was changing things about her…like I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Bernie stands and looks at us all, "This is not good." He presses his lips together, "How old is she?"
"Young, not old enough for this," Jake says and rubs the spot where I've taken the needle out.
Star kisses it better. He looks uncomfortable with her affection in front of me. I wink at him, "I'm glad you guys were here with her. Was she scared?"
He shakes his head, "You know what she's like…you, but chatty."
I scowl, "I'm way more chatty than I used to be."
He looks at Bernie, "Did she even talk once on the trip?"
Bernie shrugs, "She asked a couple questions."
Jake laughs, "Mission questions. She does that."
I sigh and squat next to Anna, "Is it too late?"
Bernie shakes his head, "I don’t know. She's young, they always bounce back faster." He sounds defeated.
"Carry her to the bed for me?" I ask Jake. He nods and lifts her like she weighs nothing.
When he lays her down upstairs, I lie beside her and look at him, "I'm happy for you."
He frowns, "I just wish you…"
I put a hand up, "I'm happy for you."
He nods, "Okay." He smiles and makes everything better, if only a little.
I stroke her hair, "She's so sick. I haven’t ever watched them change before."
He shakes his head, "It's bad, I think." He sits on the bed and puts his face in his hands, "I didn’t know what to do. She just started to get sleepy and I let her. I should have kept her awake."
"No. She needs sleep."
He runs his hands through his hair, "this cure better work."
I yawn, "Yeah, I'm not gonna imagine the possibility of it not working. I don’t think that’s going to be good for me."
Bernie pops his head in, "I'm gassing up and we're heading back to the city first thing tomorrow morning. It's her best bet and we can't leave Will in the woods longer than a day. He has nothing."
I frown "You sure about taking her to the city?"
He nods, "She has the cure. The virus can't be given to anyone once the cure is in the system. It can still hurt her if it's done enough damage."
"Okay."
He nods at Jake, "You and Star can stay here. You're not going to get sick now and she's immune. You'll be fine here. My dry storage is filled with food. A year or two worth. So if anything happens, Star knows what to do. She knows where the food and hiding places are."
I feel a heavy sickness in my chest. Bernie leaves and Jake shakes his head, "You can't take her to the city. She'll end up in a breeder farm."
I shake my head, "She'll be lucky to live long enough for that."
His hands grab mine and cover them, "Don’t leave."
I feel tears slip down my cheeks; I don’t even know why. I don’t wipe them away. If I acknowledge them, he'll see them and know I'm crying. I just stare down at our hands and wait for the heavy feeling in my chest to go away.
"We've been so lucky, ya know?" I mutter.
He squeezes, "Not really."
I laugh and look up. He sees the tears and just like Leo would, he pulls me into him and holds me. I lose it. I sob, "Will is in the w-w-woods with Leo and Anna is s-s-sick and it's all my f-f-fault. I had to go and k-k-kill my dad. We were all at the cabin. We were all s-s-safe there. I n-never even g-g-got to k-k-kill him. I nev-never even s-saw him."
He strokes my head, soothingly, "how fair is that though? We were safe. No one else was. Meg, Sarah, and Anna deserve to live in a world where they don’t have to worry about breeder farms and creepy men. The world is fucked and it deserves a do over. We all do. It's not fair that people like your father get to run the world like that." He pulls me back and wipes my tears, "You were right. This is the right path. Anna is going to be okay. I know it."
I sniffle and shake my head, "If it was any of you putting us at this kind of risk, I'd kill you."
He laughs, "I know. But you're insane."
I snort and wipe my eyes. I lie back next to Anna and snuggle into her.
"How are you feeling?" I ask him.
He shrugs, "Sick, like a head cold. I haven’t felt like this since the last time we slept together."
I hold Anna's burning body next to mine and close my eyes, "Can you stay?"
I feel him adjust on the bed, "Yup." I open one eye and see him lying next to us. He puts his hand over hers and squeezes. I close my eye and try to imagine how it would have been if we'd just stayed in the damned mountains, at the cabin. I hate that I dragged them down the damned hill for my own revenge.
I fall asleep, bitter and pissy.
I wake to movement on the bed. I open my eyes to see her staring at me. I jump back, prepared for her to try eat me. She grins. Her lips are pale but her blood-shot eyes aren’t milky.
"Em," her voice is gravely, like it's barely there. Jake is gone.
Tears spring from my eyes. I jump on her, hugging her tight to me.
"I'm sorry."
She shakes her head, "I'm an idiot."
I pull her back, "Your voice?"
She nods, "My throat still hurts. I don’t think it's ever gonna be okay again. I coughed a lot of blood."
The hoarse sound of her voice made me want to clear my throat. I put a hand up, "Don’t talk."
She smiles.
I kiss her clammy forehead.
She gives me a look.
I frown, "What?"
She looks around and whispers, "Star and Jake."
I nod and grin, "I know."