“Or doesn’t,” Jared added under his breath, not quite able to picture the Gray Lady as part of an elderly couple having a tickle and tussle in a rumpled bed—even if hehad been able to picture it quite clearly when he’d imagined himself as the lover. But that was different. Somehow.
“—and that it’s more important for her to be comfortable and happy than it is to have her measure up to someone else’s idea of proper dress, and ifhe didn’t have any complaints, Papa shouldn’t either.”
“Your papa should listen to an elder.”
“Harland’s not Papa’s elder. They trained together.”
Jared wheezed.
Lia leaned forward. “Are you coming down with something?”
A terminal case of curiosity.
“How—” Jared bit his tongue. There were some things a man did not ask a twenty-one-year-old virgin about her grandmother.
Lia shook her head and tsked sadly. “Someone your age really should know about these things. Didn’t your papa ever talk to you about that?”
“He talked to me at great length about a great many things. Including that.”
Spiffing primly, Jared added, “He even demonstrated once.”
Lia almost spilled the juice all over her lap.
“Not likethat ,” Jared growled. He made a circle with his left hand and brought it toward the pointing forefinger of his right. When his hands were half a hand apart, he noticed how huge Lia’s eyes had gotten—and quickly lowered his hands.
Lia gulped some juice. “That’s it?”
“That’s the gist of it.” And if he had to explain any more of it, he wouldn’t be putting a warming spell on the bathwater. Which reminded him of why heshouldn’t have to explain it. “Didn’t your mama ever talk to you about that?”
“Of course she did,” Lia huffed. Then she added, giving him a speculative look, “But she never said anything that looked quite like that.”
This conversation was going to kill him. He just knew it. “Your move,” he said a bit desperately, wanting to distract her.
She looked at the game board. “No, it isn’t.”
“Is.”
“Isn’t.”
“Is.”
“Isn’t.”
“Move anyway.”
She moved a Blood male pawn.
He pounced on it with a Warlord.
Her pained gasp broke his heart.
He caught her as she stumbled away from the table. “I’m sorry,” he said, wrapping his arms around her. “Lia, I’m sorry.”
“He’d still be alive if it wasn’t for me,” Lia sobbed. “If I hadn’t bought him, he’d still be alive.”
“Maybe,” Jared said. He gently stroked her back.
“He would.” She clutched his shirt and pressed her face against his shoulder. “He would.”
“Listen to me, sweetheart.” Jared gave her a little shake. “Listen to me. You may have heard the women the Gray Lady brought out of Raej talk about being enslaved and the brutality they endured, but you don’t know what it’s like for the males. You can’t.”
“I’ve heard—”
“You’ve heard nothing,” Jared said, sharpening his voice enough to prick her pride and make her raise her head and look at him. “You’ve heard what they would admit to, what the scars on their bodies won’t allow them to deny. But they aren’t going to tell you about the other kinds of wounds or the deep scars you can’t see.No man would tell a young Queen about the kinds of twisted games that are played in those courts. We’re all scarred, Lia. We’re stripped of our honor and our pride. We’re punished when we act like Blood males and punished when we don’t. Dorothea SaDiablo and the Queens who dance to her tune don’t just rape a man’s body, they rape his soul. They take what’s good in a man and twist it out of all recognition.”
Jared captured Lia’s face between his hands. “As bad as it is for a Jeweled male, it’s ten times worse for a Blood male whose inner barriers can be pried open by any Jeweled female who wants to toy with him. And half-Blood males, who have no barriers at all, don’t have any kind of a chance. Unless they’re sired by an aristo male, most of them never reach maturity. They’re used until they start showing signs of becoming men, and then—” Jared stopped. Took a deep breath. “Tomas might have lived another year or two. But if you hadn’t bought him, he never would have known kindness, never would have known what it was liked to serve a Lady who cared about him.”
Fresh tears spilled down Lia’s face. “He didn’t know he wasn’t a slave,” she choked out.
Jared wiped away the tears with his thumbs. “He served, Lady Ardelia. He was too bright not to understand the difference whether you actually said the words or not. He deserved more time. He deserved a better life. But he didn’t die because of you, Lia. He died because of Dorothea’s greedy ambition to devour the entire Realm of Terreille. If you want to avenge Tomas, continue to be the strong Queen you are. Don’t let Hayll’s shadow fall over Dena Nehele.”
Lia leaned against him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
Jared swayed back and forth, rocking her as he softly sang an old song that Reyna used to sing when he needed comforting.
“That’s nice,” Lia murmured.
Jared sank the fingers of one hand into her hair. “Yes, it is.”
“You’ve got a pleasing voice. Deep but smooth.”
Jared smiled. “My father always said I got my mother’s voice but an octave lower.” His arms tightened around her. “Lia, we have to leave in the morning, and I’ve been thinking . . .”
Lia raised her head and studied his face. “Why does that sound like something I should worry about?”
Jared frowned at her. “There’s nothing wrong with my brains.”
“That’s true,” Lia agreed thoughtfully. “Your being so bossy when you start fussing has nothing to do with your brains.”
“What?”
She smiled at him.
His frown deepened. “Tomorrow we’ll go to Dena Nehele.”
“No.”
“Once you’re safely home, I’ll go to Ranon’s Wood—”
“No.”
“—and bring the others—”
“NO!”
Lia shoved him hard enough to break his hold on her. She stumbled back a couple of steps before she regained her balance.
“Don’t be stubborn about this, Lia,” Jared growled.
Her gray eyes darkened. “You’re a fine one to accuse anyone else of being stubborn.”
Jared gritted his teeth. “You’ll be safe.”
“I knew the risks when I agreed—”
“You knew nothing!” Jared shouted. “You were supposed to meet an escort at a Coach station who would get you safely home.You , Lia. Despite what you may want to believe, those men weren’t there to make sure the rest of us got to Dena Nehele. So get it into your stubborn little head that you’re going home tomorrow.”
“I’m going to Ration’s Wood—”
Jared spewed every obscenity he could think of.
“Those people are my responsibility, Lord Jared.Mine .”
Jared bared his teeth. “My Jewels are darker than yours, which makes me stronger. If I have to, I’ll truss you up in enough psychic restraints it’ll take your granny half a day to undo them all and dump you on your father’s doorstep. He may have yielded about letting you go in the first place, but if his balls still work, he won’t let you go again no matter what your grandmother says!”
“How dare you say that about my father! What right do you have to make demands of me?”
“I serve you.”
Lia shook her head. “No, you don’t. The others, yes, until the journey ends. But not you.”
It felt like a large fist had just punched him under the heart. Jared stared at her, trying to get his breath. “I serve you,” he said hoarsely. “I wear the Invisible Ring.” The Silver Ring.
“There is no Ring!” Lia raked her fingers through her hair. “There never was a Ring! It was only a bit of Craft my mother calls lightning and smoke to fool them so they wouldn’t question my not using the Ring of Obedience.”
“I wear your Ring,” Jared insisted.
“Listen to me, you feather-brained mule.There is no Ring . I made it up. AH of it. Whoever heard of an Invisible Ring?”
Daemon Sadi.
But he didn’t say that. He took the verbal blows, unwilling to consider why they hurt so much. “Why?”
Lia took a couple of wobbly steps and made it to the chair before she fell down. “You’re a good man, Jared. And you’re a strong Warlord.”
“You couldn’t have known that about me.”
“I’m a Queen,” she said wearily. “I knew. But as you just pointed out, your Jewels outrank mine, and there was a lot of hate in you that day. I couldn’t leave you there, and I couldn’t control you.”
“You could have used the Ring of Obedience.”
Lia paled. “Do you—” She swallowed hard. “Do you think I could have used that—”
Either she couldn’t think of a word obscene enough or couldn’t bring herself to say it.
No, Jared thought as he carefully sat on the edge of the bed. She couldn’t have used the Ring of Obedience.
“I knew I couldn’t control you,” Lia said. “And I couldn’t afford to fight you. I thought you’d escape as soon as your body healed. Then you folded up inside yourself and I didn’t know what to do. I kept thinking you’d go. As soon as you realized there was nothing holding you, you’d go.”
But somethinghad held him back.
Jared rubbed the back of his neck as he stared at his feet. Had she really counted on him going at the beginning of the journey? Had she counted on one less male to feed? Or ...