“I wasn’t spying on your kid. I didn’t even know he existed.”
“Neither did I, until last week.”
“The same time you turned into a royal dick.”
“Yeah,” he agrees, a small smile on his face. “About that time.”
“What’s his name?”
“Jake.” A smile spreads across his face when he says it.
“How old is he?”
“Four.” He says it softly, as if it pains him.
I take that in. He’s missed out on four years with his son.
“Is that his mother?”
“No.” Sawyer scoffs. “His nanny.”
“So when do I get to meet him?”
“Meet him?” Sawyer’s eyebrows are raised, his face questioning. “I broke up with you.”
“You didn’t mean it.” I say it confidently, then falter. “Unless you don’t think I’m good enough for him? Is that why you ended things with me so abruptly?”
He pauses, and I die a little bit inside.
“Maybe in a few years,” he begins before trailing off.
“I’m sorry. Did you just suggest we get back together in a few years?” I’d be surprised if my eyebrows were still on my face, I’ve raised them so high in disbelief.
“This isn’t what you want. You don’t want a child right now. You’ve said it enough times. And this kid…” He rubs at his forehead in a gesture I’m beginning to recognize as stress. “It’s messy, Everly.”
“And I don’t do messy,” I say, filling in the blanks.
“You’re young, Everly. You were still a teenager when Jake was born. You deserve to have the life you want, the one you’ve imagined for yourself.”
“The one where I don’t have kids for another five to seven years? And I don’t have to deal with exes, and custody sharing, and coordinating his kids and our kids for weekends and holidays and summer vacations?”
He nods.
“I don’t want a baby right now, Sawyer.” I shake my head. “I don’t. But Jake isn’t a baby, and hell, even if he was, I’d love him. Because he’s yours.”
“It can’t be that simple. You have a vision for your life, and you didn’t sign up for this.”
“I didn’t sign on for you either, remember? I thought I was in love with your brother, but I was wrong. And it didn’t stop you, because you were right, Sawyer. You were right about us.”
“I love you, but I don’t know if it’s enough.”
“It’s enough, and I can edit.”
“You can edit?” He’s smiling now.
“I can edit the vision I had for my future, for our future. Just as long as you’re in it.”
“I’m going to have Jake full time. It’s not a weekend thing. His mother…” He stops, rubs his forehead. “His mother is in prison. He’ll be a teenager before she’s out. But I have no idea what the future looks like. She might want back into his life at that point. He might want to see her. It’ll be messy, Everly. “
“Is he okay?”
“I don’t think he even misses her.” Sawyer shakes his head in disbelief. “He barely remembers her as far as I can tell.”
“How long has she been—” I pause, not sure how to word it. “Gone?”
“Ten months,” he says, drumming his fingers on the table. “He’s been living with one of his nannies. Do you really think you want this? Both of us? Because Jake has to be my priority. I have a lot of time to make up for. And…” He blows out a breath. “I don’t think he was her priority.”