“Well, I just have been feeling some strange urges, which I can’t explain,” she started.
“What sort of urges?”
Rachel didn’t know if she should tell him about last night. About Brian and what happened at the café. She didn’t know if he’d understand and she didn’t want him to think she was crazy. But then again, he was a shrink; he sees a lot of crazies.
“Last night for example, I was out with the guy I really like, Brian, and then all of a sudden I had the urge to taste him,” Rachel said.
“Describe taste him,” Dr. Goldman asked with a confused look on his face.
Rachel knew she couldn’t turn back now. She had to explain what she was talking about.
“To taste his flesh and blood. I don’t know what that is supposed to mean. It’s like I’m a cannibal or something,” Rachel sighed.
“This is a little confusing, can you please explain it some more?” Dr. Goldman asked.
“Well, he came close to me to kiss me, but all I could do was stare at his skin, at his neck, at his flesh and wonder what it would taste like. Is that normal? Has that happened to you?” Rachel asked hoping for some clarity.
“It has not happened to me before,” Dr. Goldman said.
“I don’t know. Forget I said anything, I’m sure it was nothing,” Rachel said.
“You should not feel ashamed to tell me these things, Rachel. That is why I am here. To help you,” Dr. Goldman said.
“But doc, I had to leave the café. I couldn’t sit there for one more second or else I would have acted on it. I could feel my body shaking and my mouth watering, it was nuts,” Rachel added.
“Is there anything else?” Dr. Goldman asked.
“Hmm…my mom. I don’t know what happened to her. Everyone say’s it’s my fault. I know you saw her before her coma, and I need to know if I did anything wrong,” she said.
“Under confidentiality, I cannot discuss anyone else in our sessions. So, unfortunately, I cannot confirm nor deny these things for you. What I can tell you is that it seems you are suffering from a traumatic experience. Something we will need to uncover more,” Dr. Goldman said with a concerned look on his face.
“Will I be ok?” Rachel asked, worried.
“Everything in time, Rachel. We will work on your amnesia first, and then sort out the rest of this.”
“But I’m not finished yet. I have other things that have happened to me that are scary. I had a strange episode at school the other day. I started sweating, my heart was racing, I was supremely hungry and I was out of breath. I had to run outside and then once I did, I felt better. I think it was the cold air on my face that helped,” Rachel said.
“That sounds like a panic attack to me. Those are the classic tell tale signs of one,” Dr. Goldman confirmed.
“I don’t know, Dr. Goldman. It’s scary when it happens and it’s been happening a lot. It’s like I don’t know who I am anymore,” Rachel said. “I wish someone could help me!”
“Rachel, are you feeling tired?” Dr. Goldman asked calmly.
“A little, I guess. I mean this whole thing is exhausting,” she said.
“Perhaps you should get some rest,” Dr. Goldman insisted. “I’m going to leave and we will see each other soon. I promise.”
“Ok, thank you,” Rachel said, as she slunk back into her bed and pulled up the covers. She didn’t realize just how exhausted she was until she lay there a few minutes examining her weak body. She had a headache, her muscles hurt and she felt weak. It was definitely a feeling she hadn’t felt before. It was a weakness she couldn’t describe.
CHAPTER 12
Even thought Mark wasn’t quite feeling himself, he still wanted to take his girlfriend to the movies tonight. It was only their fourth date, and he was really into her. He wouldn’t want to disappoint her and call her to cancel last minute. He didn’t know if he was coming down with something or just tired, but something wasn’t feeling right to him. He thought maybe it could be the beginning stages of the flu, since it was rampant in his grade right now, but his symptoms weren’t matching up exactly. In fact, his symptoms didn’t match any illness he’d ever experienced before. He felt unsure about what was happening inside his body and knew it wasn’t normal. He figured that since the movie was only a few hours long, he’d just suck it up and deal with it later. He knew his sickness wouldn’t come on that quickly, so he decided to forge ahead and keep his date night with his new girlfriend, Gina.
He was also excited because tonight was the first night that he was allowed to use his parent’s car. He had just got his license and was proud of himself for passing his road test. He was actually a bit surprised that the lady who administered his road test passed him as he distinctly remembers stopping at a green light to be extra cautious and brushing the curb during his parallel parking. He had heard rumors about the road test and was fearing the worse, but he was pleasantly surprised that it was not as bad as everyone had made it out to be. It was either that, or the woman who tested him was in a good mood that day. Either way, he was thrilled to be out on his own, in the car picking up Gina for the first time. He felt empowered and independent. Last time he went out with Gina, her mom dropped them off at the diner in town for dinner. That made him feel like a little kid and he was embarrassed by it.
He felt so cool as he put his right turn signal on and drove into her driveway. He put the car in park, shut off the engine and got out to pick her up at the door like a gentleman. He knew she came from an old school Italian family and they would appreciate his chivalry. He wouldn’t dare pull into the driveway and honk for her.
He rang the doorbell in anticipation and waited for someone to open the door. Her dad opened the door and greeted him, with a weary smile. Mark knew he was a bit skeptical of him, and he felt inadequate whenever he was around him. He felt the way he assumes most guys feel when they are around their girlfriend’s father, terrified! He felt like he would never be good enough for his Gina and that he could never live up to his standards, no matter what he did. But putting that aside, he liked the guy and feared him all at the same time.
“Gina’s not ready yet,” he said in a stern voice. “Wait down here.”
He pointed to a large living room area with floral print couches. “Take a seat and I’ll go get her.”
“Thanks, Mr. Doony!” Mark said. “I’ll be right here. Thanks so much.”
“Gina! Gina! Your friend is here to see you,” Mr. Doony yelled up the stairs.
He didn’t know why Mr. Doony kept referring to him as her friend, but he figured he probably should correct him. He didn’t want to get on his bad side or rub him the wrong way.
“Be down in a minute, Daddy!” Gina yelled down.
Mark could hear the humming of her blow dryer from all the way in the living room and figured she was still getting ready. He know from experience with his sisters that when they’re going out on a date or with friends it took them forever to pick out their outfits, make up and hair. It was such a silly production and he didn’t know why girls go through all the trouble. He actually preferred Gina without makeup. He thought she had a natural beauty and glow to her that was masked when she put on all her eye make up.
A few minutes later, Gina came down the steps looking gorgeous. He’d never seen her looking so good before and couldn’t figure out what was different about her. He immediately stood up to greet her and then saw her father coming in to the foyer area to see them off.
“Gina princess. You call if you need anything, you hear?” her dad said. “I want you home by 9:30 not a minute later.”
Mr. Doony shot Mark a look as if to tell him no funny business and then followed it with an eerie smile. Mark didn’t quite know what to make of those gestures, but he figured he’d better not pull any funny business and get her home right on time or early if he wanted to stay on her dad’s good side.
“You know I will, Daddy! See you later,” Gina said to him with a smile and then gave him a big hug and kiss on the cheek.
“Mark,” Mr. Doony said, “Can I have a quick word with you?”
“Yes Sir,” Mark said, walking into the other room with her dad.
“You take care of my little girl, you hear?” Mr. Doony said. “I don’t want her home one minute past her curfew and you better drive safely in that vehicle of yours,” he said, as he peered out through the window at his old station wagon.
“Absolutely, will do!” Mark said, smiling, yet nervous. “You have nothing to worry about.”
“I should hope not young man. Now you two have a nice time at the movies, and we will see you shortly,” Mr. Doony finished.
“Ok! Bye, Daddy!” Gina said as the two of them left her house.
“So, you ready for a fun night?” Mark said, trying to sound excited.
“You bet!” Gina said. “Can’t wait to see this movie. I hear it’s supposed to be amazing.”
“Yeah, me, too!” Mark replied.
“So, what’s new cutie,” Gina said, looking over at Mark.
“Oh ya know, nothing much,” Mark said.
“Well, I heard your sister came back. You must be happy about that?” Gina asked.
“Sure!” Mark said.
“Well, you’re a man of many words tonight, aren’t you?” Gina said, jokingly.
“Sorry, Hun. I’m not feeling so well,” Mark said.
“Want to go home?” Gina asked.
“Um, not really,” Mark answered. Although that was about the only thing he wanted to do right now.
“Seriously, if you want to go home, I understand. You don’t have to worry about me,” Gina said.
“It’s not that I want to go home necessarily. I’m just not sure I can sit out for an entire move,” Mark said, feeling queasy at the thought of it.