Chapter 39: Argh! My Back!
Zhang Xiao Qiang laid quietly on the bed, staring up at the ceiling of the cave.
“It’s another day. How many days has it been since I left home?” He wondered, “Why did I have to drink that cup yesterday?”
Thinking back on the events of yesterday, he had been basically squatting together with Yang Ke’er the entire time, their assholes tortured incessantly. Thinking up to this point, his asshole tightened involuntarily.
“Morning! Uncle!” Yang Ke’er bounded with energy towards Zhang Xiao Qiang, greeting him.
Borrowing the light that shone in through the crack, Zhang Xiao Qiang squinted his eyes and looked at her. She seemed a little different from usual, yet it was hard to pinpoint what.
Her hair was tied in a ponytail behind her right ear as usual. It shone with a black luster. Her eyes were like the moon, wide and round, blinking occasionally with that mischievous glint. That little nose was slightly wrinkled, and the rose-red lips were pulled slightly back whenever she smiled, revealing a row of white teeth.
Her radiant face had 2 small dimples, and while there was no blush, there was a healthy flush in her skin, and when she lifted her chin slightly, she was like a bright sunflower. Coupled with that military uniform, she seemed like a vibrant and charming army beauty.
Today’s Yang Ke’er was as captivating as the sun, and Zhang Xiao Qiang felt giddy for a moment there.
“Useless!” He berated himself. He was, after all, an old-timer who had seen over 300 shows, and seen even the roots of the old bird*, how could he be mesmerized by this little lass?
“Ah! Uncle, you seem to look younger oh!” Yang Ke’er was astonished as though she discovered something huge.
“Ha! Really?” He immediately felt his own chin. “Could it be the effects of the rainwater?” He thought silently.
“Yes, yes! You looked like my dad’s age previously, now you look as young as his younger brother!” Yang Ke’er replied so honestly, looking around for a mirror as though to prove her words.
“…….” Zhang Xiao Qiang was struck speechless. He discovered that he had just been upgraded from old uncle to younger uncle.
“I’m not a strange uncle!” He screamed out in his heart.
“If you continue like this, who knows, you might become like an older brother!” Yang Ke’er chipped in again.
“Brother?” Zhang Xiao Qiang suddenly thought of an old song.
妹妹你大胆地往前走呀 (Little sister, walk forth bravely)
往前走莫回呀头 (Walk forwards, and don’t look back)
通天的大路 (The road that meets the sky)
九千九百九千九百九呀 (Nine thousand nine hundred nine thousand nine hundred and nine)
妹妹你大胆地往前走呀 (Little sister, walk forth bravely)
往前走莫回呀头 (Walk forwards, and don’t look back)
通天的大路 (The road that meets the sky)
九千九百九千九百九呀 (Nine thousand nine hundred nine thousand nine hundred and nine)
妹妹你大胆地往前走啊 (Little sister, walk forth bravely)
往前走莫回呀头 (Walk forwards, and don’t look back)
从此后你搭起那红绣楼呀 (From now on, you must lift that red embroidered floor)
抛洒着红绣球啊 (Throw the red embroidered ball)
正打中我的头呀 (Hitting my head)
与你喝一壶呀 (Drinking a pot of tea with you)
红红的高粱酒呀 (Oh the red sorghum wine)
红红的高粱酒呀 (Oh the red sorghum wine)
妹妹你大胆地往前走呀 (Little sister, walk forth bravely)
往前走莫回呀头 (Walk forwards, and don’t look back)
(Lyrics to an old song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0RIojAF3Gc)
“Uncle, take a look!” Yang Ke’er managed to pull out a mirror from goodness knows where, pulling him out from his reverie.
“Hehe… Haha…” He took a look in the mirror, and his eyebrows arched high as he laughed out loud.
Before the apocalypse, he was still a reclusive otaku, the image in the mirror had been a weak fatty with a pair of soulless eyes. Now he looked like a young male of 27, 28, his skin was glowing white, and his looks were, in fact, decent. Coupled with that growing bristle around his jaw, it gave him a more manly feel.
Zhang Xiao Qiang touched his jaw and looked at the mirror again: “It’s good to be young!”
“Uncle, when is it meal time, I’m hungry!” Yang Ke’er broke him out of his self-admiration.
“Shua, shua…” The spatula danced about in the wok, as the meat and vegetables were flipped about constantly in the wok. A fragrant aroma wafted about in the cave, as their stomachs started growling in hunger.
A pot of white rice, a huge pan of fried meat and vegetables were then served onto the simple table. Yang Ke’er swiftly went for a piece of lean meat, not caring about the fatty ones. Zhang Xiao Qiang looked on depressed, his eating was also slow.
“I like the lean meat too!!” He screamed out in his heart.
Feeling fed up, he immediately swept up all the lean meat into his own bowl, before slowly savoring them.
“Uncle, how can you be like this?!” Yang Ke’er was extremely angry, her eyes staring daggers at Zhang Xiao Qiang. Her gaze carried a fury that seemed to originate from a vengeance of having her family and generations being killed, and she seemed as though she wanted to stomp on Zhang Xiao Qiang like a cockroach.
He stopped momentarily, feeling the burning gaze until he could not take it anymore.
“Ai! It seems that my skin is still not thick enough!” He shook his head and grabbed a piece of fatty meat and placed it in her bowl, lightly chiding: “Kids cannot be choosy!”
“Petty ghost, miser, thick skinned monkey, I’ll poke you to death! I’ll poke you to death!” She muttered under her breath, the chopsticks stabbing into the piece of meat in her bowl.
Zhang Xiao Qiang ignored and buried his head low to eat, when suddenly, “Ka” a sound of breaking came from Yang Ke’er’s hands. He raised his head up and was stunned.
The pair of chopsticks had pierced the meat, the rice, and even the bowl, poking out from beneath. Yang Ke’er loosened her grip as she stared numbly at her own right hand.
Zhang Xiao Qiang stared blankly at the chopstick that went through the bowl, his mouth open, and rice falling from the corners.
“There’s a problem with the bowl!” She immediately tried to explain, flabbergasted.
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“Uncle, look! This pole doesn’t feel study!” Yang Ke’er raised the Beast Horn Spear in her hands, showing to Zhang Xiao Qiang. It was broken in two.
“Bullshit! It must be you, don’t think I don’t know?!” He thought that it was her getting revenge for him eating all the lean meat earlier.
“Aiya! It’s the truth, watch if you don’t believe!” She raised her right hand as she grabbed the spear, before clenching. “Kacha!” The body of the spear broke again. He immediately sucked in a breath of cold air.
“Go lift that bag of rice.” The two of them stood near the rations, as Zhang Xiao Qiang spoke to Yang Ke’er.
“Uncle, you’re bullying me again, how can I lift such a heavy thing?!” She grumbled while pouting, before lifting one of the sacks of rice with both hands.
Instantly, over a hundred jin was lifted up like a balloon by the lass, as she held it in front of her chest. She seemed doubtful and switched to one hand as she began to swing it around a few times.
“Uncle? Is it cotton in here?” She asked uncertainly.
“It cannot be! Throw it to me!”
He would instantly come to regret that decision for a long while.
The huge sack of rice knocked heavily into Zhang Xiao Qiang, sending him to the ground.
“ARGH!! MY BACK!!!!!!” He screamed out from under the sack of rice.
“Haha! Uncle! Do you think I’ve become superhuman? Hehe! Superwoman, I am Ultraman, Hahahaha…..” Yang Ke’er gloated gleefully, her hands on her hips as she struck a pose.
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“Hiss! Lighter, will you? Are you trying to crush me?!” Zhang Xiao Qiang was currently sprawled on the bed, as he snapped at Yang Ke’er who was giving him a massage.