Chapter Fourteen
Our landin in the little lake was not too bad. THEY was a splash an a bounce an then we is back on earth again. Everthin got real quiet, an me an Sue and Major Fritch peek out the winder.
They is a whole tribe of natives standin bout ten feet away on the shore, lookin at us, an they is bout the fiercest-looking folks imaginable - scowlin an leanin forward so's to see what we is. Major Fritch say maybe they is upset cause we didn't thow them nothin from the spaceship. Anyhow, she say she is gonna set down an try to figger out what to do now, on account of we has somehow got this far okay an she don't want to make no false moves with these spooks. Seven or eight of they biggest fellas jumps into the water and begin pushin us over to land.
Major Fritch still be settin there figgerin when there is a big knock at the door of the spaceship. We all look at each other an Major Fritch say, "Don't nobody do nothin."
An I say, "Maybe they be gettin angry if we don't let em in."
"Just be quiet," she say, "an maybe they think nobody's in here an go away."
So we waited, but sure enough, after a wile they is another knock on the spaceship.
I say, "It ain't polite not to answer the door," an Major Fritch hiss back at me, "Shut up your dumbfool ass - can't you see these people is dangerous?"
Then all of a sudden ole Sue go over an open the door hissef. Standin there outside is the biggest coon I has seen since we played them Nebraska corn shucker jackoffs in the Orange Bowl.
He got a bone thru his nose an is wearin a grass skirt an carryin a spear an has a lot of beads strung aroun his neck, an his hair look somethin like that Beatle wig Mad Tom o'Bedlam wore in the Shakespeare play.
This feller seem extremely startled to find Sue starin back at him from inside the spaceship door. As a matter of fact, he is so suprised that he keel over in a dead faint. Major Fritch an me is peepin out the winder again, an when all them other natives seen this feller keel over, they run off in the shrubs an hide - I guess to wait an see what's gonna happen nex.
Major Fritch say, "Hole still now - don't make a move," but ole Sue, he grapped holt of a bottle that was settin there an he jump out on the groun an pour it in the feller's face to revive him. All of a sudden the feller set up an start sputterin an coughin an spittin an shakin his head from side to side. He was revived all right, but what Sue had grapped an poured in his face was the bottle what I used to pee in. Then the feller recognize Sue again, an he thowed his hans up an fall over on his face an begin bowin an scrapin like a Arab.
An then out from the bushes come the rest of them, movin slow an scarit-like, eyes big as saucers, ready to thow they spears. The feller on the groun stop bowin for a moment an look up an when he seen the others, he holler out somethin an they put down they spears an come up to the spaceship an gather aroun it.
"They look friendly enough now," Major Fritch say. "I spose we better go on out an identify ourselfs. The people from NASA will be here in a few minutes to pick us up." As it turns out, that is the biggest piece of bullshit I have ever heard in my life - before or since.
Anyhow, Major Fritch an me, we walk on out of the spaceship an all them natives goin "ooooh" an "ahhhh." That ole boy on the groun, he look at us real puzzled-like, but then he get up an say, "Hello - me good boy. Who you?" an he stick out his han.
I shake his han, but then Major Fritch start tryin to tell him who we is, sayin we is, "Participants in the NASA multi-orbital pre-planetary sub-gravitational inter-spheroid space-flight trainin mission."
The feller jus stan there gapin at us like we was spacemen, an so I says, "We is Americans," an all of a sudden his eyes light up an he say, "Do tell! Americans! What a jolly fine show - I say!"
"You speak English?" Major Fritch axed.
"Why hell yes," he say. "I've been to America before. During the war. I was recruited by the Office of Strategic Services to learn English, and then sent back here to organize our people in guerrilla warfare against the Japanese." At this, Sue's eyes get big an bright.
It seem kinda funny to me, though - a big ole boon like this speaking such good American out in the middle of noplace, so I says, "Where'd you go t'school?"
"Why, I went to Yale, old sport," he says. "Boola-Boola, an all that." When he say "boola-boola," all them other Sambo's start chantin it too, an the drums start up again, until the big guy wave them quiet.
"My name is Sam," he say. "At least that's what they called me at Yale. My real name's quite a mouthful. What a delight you dropped in. Would you like some tea?"
Me an Major Fritch be lookin at each other. She is damn near speechless, so I says, "Yeah, that'd be good," an then Major Fritch get her voice back an speak up kind of high-pitched, "You ain't got a phone we can use, do you?" she say.
Big Sam sort of scowl an wave his hans an the drums start up again an we be escorted into the jungle with everbody chantin "boola-boola."
They has got theyselfs a little village set up in the jungle with grass huts an shit jus like in the movies, an Big Sam's hut is the grandest of all. Out in front he got a chair look like a throne, an four or five women wearin nothin on top are doin whatever he say. One of the things he say is for them to get us some tea, an then he point to a couple of big stones for Major Fritch an me to set down on. Sue has been followin along behin us all the way, holdin on to my han, an Big Sam motion for him to set on the groun.
"That's a terrific ape you have there," Sam says. "Where'd you get him?"
"He works for NASA," Major Fritch says. She ain't lookin none too happy bout our situation.
"You don't say?" says Big Sam. "Is he paid?"
"I think he'd like a banana," I says. Big Sam said somethin an one of the woman natives brung Sue a banana.
"I'm awfully sorry," Big Sam say, "I think I haven't asked your names."
"Major Janet Fritch, United States Air Force. Serial number 04534573. That's all I'm going to tell you."
"Oh, my dear woman," says Big Sam. "You are not a prisoner here. We are just poor backward tribesmen. Some say we've not progressed much since the Stone Age. We mean you no harm."
"I ain't got nothin else to say till I can use the phone," Major Fritch say.
"Very well then," says Big Sam. "And what of you, young man?"
"My name is Forrest," I tell him.