When our gazes meet, a shiver of awareness runs down my spine, settling where I need to feel her wet and warm and pulsating around me. I remember the way her body welcomed mine, giving herself so freely to me.
As we walk back to the house, I let go of her hand and wrap an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to me. I feel her arms wrap around my waist.
“Ben…”
“Yes, babe?”
“Are we going back to our room?”
“Yep. We need to clear up some stuff.”
“Okay. Could we avoid going through the main entrance? I kind of don’t want to run into anyone after the show I put on, and I must look like a raccoon from crying,” Cathy asks, her voice muffled from my chest and raspy from tears.
Leaning down to kiss the top of her head, I close my eyes for a brief moment as I inhale the flowery scent of her shampoo. “Whatever you want, babe.”
And I mean it.
We are now lying on the bed facing each other. I want her na**d and on top of me, but I know it can’t happen yet. I need to explain some things and make her understand that the past is the past and it better stay there, once and for all.
When a strong urge to touch her comes over me, to have her body next to mine, I pull her closer.
“Much better.”
“Ben…I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions when I saw you with Ashley. It’s just that last night I saw you walking out with her, but when I asked you about it, you didn’t mention her.”
“I was going to tell you about her, but I didn’t want to talk about it just then. I wanted it to be just about the two of us. Just you and me and nothing else.”
“After last night I shouldn’t have doubted you. It’s just…when I saw the way you touched her face, the way she was holding your hands and how perfect she was, I was so jealous. I knew I could never compete against—”
I put a finger under her chin and lift her face to make her look at me. “Let me explain. You’re not going to like parts of what I have to say, but it’s the truth and you deserve the truth. And knowing the truth is the only way you’ll see that there’s no need to give Ashley a thought.”
“Okay.”
I can hear the fear in her voice, but I know this is what we both need.
“Ashley and I have known each other for a long time. We both went to St. Patrick’s Prep. I was a junior, and she was a freshman. I guess you could say I was popular because I was already the starting quarterback and because of my last name. No big deal. I enjoyed the perks. I was very young and an idiot. Julian and I slept with pretty much every hot girl that caught our attention. And there were quite a few, Cathy.
“I remember the day like it was yesterday. Julian and I were getting shit faced in our dorm, when Oscar, who you haven’t met, came to tell us about this new hot transfer. That she was a freshman and fresh pussy.” When she winces in my arms, I squeeze her hip, knowing that this is nothing and only gets worse. “He decided he was going to screw her sooner rather than later. Julian and I didn’t give a f**k because, frankly, we didn’t care. Oscar was good looking, but Julian and I got the most attention from the girls in school, so if she was that hot we knew she’d eventually sleep with one, or both of us,” I pause. “We were kind of assholes back then.
“It didn’t work out that way because the next day I ran into her, and I mean body slammed into her. She dropped her folder and some books, I think, but I couldn’t tell you exactly what because the moment I saw her, I kind of fell in love with her. After we began dating…I mean, I was so crazy about her that I was afraid to hook up with her and have her think I was a man whore or something like that, so I asked her to be my girl. It wasn’t long after that we—” Hell, this is hard to say. I can feel how tense Cathy is, but I continue, “I was her first, and she was my last. We dated all through my junior and senior year at St. Patrick’s, and for half my time in college. I thought I loved her, and I was planning to propose to her once I was done with college and start Law School at Columbia. I figured my parents and her parents could help us out while we were both finishing school.”
I have to take a deep breath, but as I exhale I realize that I don’t feel any pain. I’m about to tell her what happened next, how Ashley took my heart and ripped it to pieces. Before Cathy came into my life, just the memory alone had the power to make it hard to breathe, but as I stare into pools of rich green, I know I don’t feel anything anymore.
I feel no pain.
I feel no tightening in my chest.
I feel healed.
I feel whole.
I feel love.
“Go ahead.” She takes my hand in hers and brings it to her mouth, kissing it slowly.
“We did the whole long distance relationship for two years. And it worked. I guess because she was still in high school and I was popular Ben playing college level football, and we were in love. Once she finished high school, I begged her to go to school with me, but she didn’t want to. She said she hated Florida and its hot weather. She chose NYU because she wanted to stay close to home. It made sense to me, you know.
“Things went to hell half way through my junior year, her freshman year at NYU. On my way home for spring break, I decided to propose to her. As soon as I got home, I spoke to my parents. They were hesitant at first, but after I presented them a sound plan, they agreed. I spoke to Ashley’s father and he agreed. That same day, my dad took me to Van Cleef and Arpels on Fifth and I bought her an engagement ring. Since I was in the city already, I decided to surprise Ashley. I knew she had already made plans with a friend from out of town, but I didn’t care, I wanted to see her that day.”
“Oh, Ben…”
I can hear the hurt in her voice. Shit, she is hurting for me even when I’m telling her about another woman. I love her.
“She had her own place in Gramercy Park, and I decided to surprise her with her favorite pink roses. I was twenty years old, stupid and idealistic.” I take a deep breath. “I was in the kitchen, opening a bottle of champagne, when I heard the door open. Hearing her giggles, I turned around just in time to see her jump Oscar. They had no idea I was standing there like a f**king as**ole watching. Oscar walked them to her bedroom while they continued to make out. The room was across from the kitchen, so I saw the moment...the moment when he threw her body on the bed, scattering rose petals all over the room. That’s when they realized something was wrong. Ashley stood up immediately, turning to look at the f**king joke on the bed.”
When Cathy gasps, I lean down and kiss her wet cheeks. She is crying for me.
“I don’t remember exactly what happened after. All I know is that the security guards of the building were pulling me off of an unconscious Oscar. Everything after that is a blur…Ashley crying and asking me to forgive her…the police interrogating me…the lawyers...my mom crying…my dad threatening to sue Oscar’s parents…his parents threatening to sue me and end my career. I was broken. I was numb. And it hurt so much.”
“Eventually, I got over it. I learned to forget, I guess, but I never forgave Ashley. We had been done for over two years the day I met you. You know, I thought I was doing better. I thought I was in a good place. Random hook ups here or there. Never a serious girlfriend after that. But the day I met you, something changed in me. I don’t believe in love at first sight anymore, but I can tell you that from the moment we kissed, I felt as if I had been awakened from a numbing stupor.” I link our fingers and stare at her creamy skin. “For the first time, in a very long time I felt alive.”
I lean down as I bring my hand to the back of her neck, pulling her lips towards mine. Kissing, we lose track of time, our mouths sometimes gentle, sometimes brutal, but always with want.
I’m now brushing soft kisses on her eyelids while I feel them tremble against my mouth. “My beautiful girl, you healed me. You made me believe in love again, and I love you. So f**king much. After a week of knowing you and spending time with you, I knew I was over Ashley. Completely. There was no doubt that you were my only, my reason to be. But seeing Ashley today, I was able to forgive her. To close that chapter in my life. What you saw was me letting go of the past, finally. There is no Ashley left in me, no part that wants her. I want you. All of you. And no one else.”
Cathy moves on top of me. She grabs my face in between her hands as she kisses my lips once, twice…not enough times. Her touch lights up a match inside of me, making me burn brightly.
Her kiss incinerates me.“Oh, Ben.”
“You remind me of a bunny when...you know...”
Feeling a smile tug at my lips, I watch as a happy and very na**d Cathy opens her eyes, turning her face in my direction. With my head propped on the heel of my hand, I admire everything that is mine. I’ve spent the majority of the last half hour drawing shapes on her skin and tracing the goosebumps my touch rises on her skin.
“Come again. You get it? Come again?”
“You’re so silly. And, yes. I’m going to call you Benny The Bunny.”
“What the hell?” I laugh.
“Well, you’re cute like one and…”
“And?”
I can hear the laughter in her voice. “And you can keep going, and going, and going, and going…”
“Ha. Wanna give my carrot a taste? They tell me they are good for your eyes,” I tease.
I move on top of her, pinning her arms above her head, and watch the way her br**sts rise and fall as her breathing accelerates. She’s so beautiful.
With my need for her returning, I lower my fingers until I find my sweet spot. The spot I own. Guiding a finger inside her, I discover that she’s already wet and ready for me. Between moans, she tells me what she wants me to do, but where’s the fun in that? In a playful mood, I want to taunt her, so I tease her as I lower my head to lick her pink nipple. The tight bud feels like silk against my tongue. As my finger keeps moving inside her, going deeper and deeper, the heel of my palm applies pressure to her clit. Her moans get louder, and it makes my dick rock hard.
“Ben, please...I need you…now. I-I can’t…”
“What is it, baby? What can’t you do?”
“I c-can’t wait any longer. I need…”
“What do you need? Tell me.”
“I need you.”
“What do you need, baby? Say it.”
“I-I…” Hearing her hesitation makes me want to push her over the cliff. And being the son of a bitch that I am, I do. I’m about to move off her, when she wraps her arms and legs around my shoulders and hips.
Looking down at her, her shiny blonde hair making a golden halo on my pillow, I admire the full lips that have driven me to f**king distraction every time I feel them on me. I also see the green eyes that make me lose my mind with desperation. I see perfection. I see beauty. I see my girl.
I lift my body on one arm, taking the head of my dick and bring it to her warm core. “What do you need, Cathy? I want to hear you say it.”
“I want you inside me, Ben. I need you inside me.”
With one swift thrust, I’m deep inside her. The moment I feel her tighten around me, I don’t move. I can’t. I try to control every inch of my body that wants to go f**king wild and pound her hard.
“Are you mine, Cathy?”
Her face flushed, she nods. That’s not enough. I need to hear her say it.
Pulling back just enough to leave the tip of my c**k inside of her, I thrust into her, hard, almost as if I can push the words out of her mouth. “No. Say it. I want to hear you say it.”
Dazed with passion, she looks at me with such open tenderness, making my throat tighten with emotion. “I’m yours. Only yours, Ben.”
I slam into her. “Say it again. I want to hear you say it.”
“I’m yours, Ben. I’m yours.”
I can hear the bed frame rattle against the wall from the force of my thrusts, but I can’t stop. Her legs and arms pull me closer as if she’s trying to bring me inside of her. I move a hand to cup her where my dick is. “This belongs to me. Only me. You hear me? This is mine.” I can hear my voice hoarse from exertion.
“Yes, Ben. Oh my God…”
“Jesus, Cathy, so sweet. So f**king beautiful. I’m so close.”
Slowing down, and then coming to a stop, we stare at each other as blinding awareness passes between our connected bodies.
I know at this moment that there is no going back for me.
I belong to her as much as she belongs to me.
“I love you, Cathy.”
“I love you.”
I’m wearing a helmet and trying to find my balance on the stupid bicycle, but Ben isn’t helping at all. Instead, he just watches me with a stupid grin on his face.
“Hello?” I exclaim. “Are you going to teach me, or are you just going to stand there watching me try to not to fall on my ass on this stupid thing?”
He clears his throat. “Hell yes. I’ll teach you.” As he makes his way towards me, I adjust my ass, trying to find a good spot on the seat that makes the soreness in between my legs hurt less.
“Jesus, Cathy.”
“What? I can’t get myself comfy. The seat hurts me right there.” I groan. “This is so hard.”
“Yes...something is getting hard alright.”
“Stop it! You kept nagging me about learning to ride this stupid bicycle, but it’s not working. And now it looks like it’s going to start raining soon. We’re going to get wet,” I say frustrated with myself.
“Yes, babe. You’re supposed to ride it wet.”