Bruno’s harsh words break me from my reverie. “As you can see, my pride and joy of a son has decided to stop playing the silly charade of a reformed man. He’s gone back to being himself, a waste. Cathy, don’t expect him back. You should start looking for someone else to replace his position. Consider that picture his two-week notice, only that he won’t be back at all. I won’t allow it. Have a good day ladies.”
Astonished, I observe Bruno’s abrupt departure. His angry strides long and purposeful.
After he disappears, Amy snatches the newspaper away from me. Bringing it close to her face, she murmurs the headline, “Arsen Radcliff, a cokehead?”
The words wrap a thin coat of fog around me, numbing me a little, numbing me a lot, but in the end…they numb me.
Arsen.
I won’t see him ever again.
The thought causes my heart to skip a beat, contract…
The thought makes me want to throw up.It’s been a week since I last saw him.
Since I last heard from him.
It happened last Thursday evening.
Today is Thursday.
Seven days have passed,
And nothing is the same.
Nothing ever is, though.
Right. When I told Ben that Arsen had been fired, it was like blasting an ice-sculpture with a fire torch, watching it speedily melt in front of my eyes. His icy demeanor that began the night we left the bar and carried through the next day until Ben got home and I was able to impart the news, finally thawed. There was no more stiffness in the air.
Life went back to normal.
Back to the way it was before Arsen started working in the office.
According to the article I’m currently reading, Arsen is back with Melissa Stewart. However, he was photographed on Sunday morning exiting the hotel where a very famous pop star is said to be staying. The magazine alludes to the fact that Arsen is two-timing Melissa, America’s next sweetheart, with this dark haired singer. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were. That’s Arsen in a nutshell.
I’m numb as I stare at the picture for a while longer until the colors of the image begin to blur, blending together. My beating heart remains calm. It must mean that I don’t care, right? At least not anymore. It’s not even that I miss his flirting or his charisma. No, I miss my friend. I miss talking to him and laughing about everything and nothing at all.
I miss him.
Putting down my magazine on the kitchen counter, I look around the room from my seat. Everything looks so perfect and so neat. I wonder how many cracks lay hidden underneath all the shiny and expensive accessories. Probably many.
Just like me.
“Babe, can you pick up dinner tonight? I may be running late. Amy needs me to stay with her and go over some clients’ demands,” I say, trying to shake the gloom that settles over me every time I think about Arsen.
Ben lifts his brown eyes from a folder filled with paperwork. “Sure, no problem.” He puts the folder down and removes his glasses, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. He looks tired and stressed. The realization hits me that since Arsen came around, I seem to have stopped paying attention to Ben.
I push all thoughts of Arsen out of my mind and focus on my beautiful husband sitting in front of me.
“Cathy?” Ben asks.
Trying to clear my thoughts, I shake my head. “Sorry, babe...what were you saying?”
“The baby, babe. I’m just reminding you to make sure you have Monday off. We have our twelve week checkup.” Oh.
My heart begins to race. “Oh, yes. Of course,” I say as I grab my bag and shove away the first things I see without a care whether I need them or not. “How could I forget? I’ve got to run.” I stand up, tripping on my own feet as the same old crippling fear makes me clumsy.
Slowly, I make my way to my husband who is sitting across from me and bend down to kiss him on the cheek. I need to get out of here before I breakdown in front of him, and he sees how scared I am.
“Wait, babe. What’s the matter?” He grabs the back of my neck to hold me in place as we stare at each other, his free hand caressing my cheek. If he’s doing this because he noticed something in my face, and he’s trying to distract me, make me forget, it’s not working.
“Nothing. Truly, I’ve got to go.”
I break free from his hold and make my way to the counter to put my plate and mug in the sink. My back is facing the room, so I don’t notice when Ben stands up and comes to stand behind me. With his large frame hovering over me, he grabs me by the hand, turns me around, and pulls me in for an embrace, kissing me on the lips. Just when I think he’s going to let go of me, he tips my chin up so that I’m looking into his eyes.
“Cathy, it’s going to be okay. We’ve made it this far without any complications. Have some faith.”
Nodding, I feel my eyes begin to fill with traitorous tears that let him know exactly how anxious and frightened I am.
“I have faith in you, Ben. T-That’s all.”
He pinches his lips together. “No, Cathy. You can’t live your life that way. Have faith in life, in what’s in store for you, for the two of us. Whatever it is, no matter what, you’ve got me. But you have to learn to not be afraid, to trust life.” He lets go of me as his other hand sneaks between us, covering my barely there bump. “This is part of our future. And if it’s not…if it’s not in the cards for us, maybe it’s time we look into adoption one more time.”
I’m about to protest, but Ben stops me.
“I wouldn’t mind. It’ll be our baby no matter what. And, as long as you’re there with me, as long as we do it together. Don’t cry, my darling.” He wipes my tears away with his thumb. “Remember, I love you. No matter what.”
“I love you too,” I murmur with an aching heart, guilt whipping me in the face. I have a wonderful husband who’s always been there for me and loves me like no other, while I’ve been pining to hear from an asshole.
I’m done.
Ben’s words are what I need to hear for me to shake off the numbing fog that has enveloped me in a thick cloak of yearning, not letting me breathe since he left.
I’m free.
I wrap my arms around his waist and stand on my tiptoes to kiss him on the lips.
Gently...
Lovingly...
Softly...
I show him what he means to me. I’m so lost in the moment that I’m taken by surprise when I feel his hand in between my legs, his fingers stroking and circling me slowly. I break the kiss as I hear Ben groan.
“Seriously, Ben?”
My husband winks at me. “You started it, wife. Now go before I change my mind and bring you back to our bedroom and show you how f**king serious am I,” he growls, bending down to bite my lower lip.
As I watch his retreating figure, wiping some of the remaining tears away from my face, I can’t help smiling a little. I don’t want to think about the future because it scares me, but of one thing I’m sure.
I love this man.
So much.
Feeling my belly, I speak to the room and to our baby, “We are very lucky to have him, you know.”
Monday it will be twelve weeks. Can we make it past?
I hope so.
“Please, don’t leave me little one. Don’t leave us.”
We need you.
There’s nothing more delicious than waking up in the arms of your husband after a good night’s sleep. The luscious comfort of his skin against yours rubbing intimately together, feeling your flesh awaken by his possessive touch while your own gentle one drives him to perdition. Your body and his body fitting together like two pieces in a carnal puzzle.
Warm steel-like arms tighten around my midsection, shackling me to him. Turning around within his embrace, I push my body closer to the human wall, snuggling closer to him. Softly, I spread kisses on his na**d chest, letting my tongue trace the outer ring of his nipple, lingering between the ripples of his muscles. As I taste the salty sweetness of his skin, I’m falling in love all over again with his flavor. I feel Ben’s arms letting go of me as his hands lift my silky nightshirt, and remove it completely. With only my panties on, and nothing on him, we gaze at one another, our breathing the only sound you can hear in the room.
Ben caresses the length of my curves with the back of his hand as he tenderly smiles. “Morning.”
I reach out to brush a brown lock off his forehead. “Morning, handsome.”
“What’s this?” His hand goes in between my legs, rubbing me gently outside my panties until I can feel the moisture seeping through the material.
“I want you.” My hand reaches for his length, feeling it thicken and grow in the palm of my hand as I wrap my fingers around it. Warm steel. Raising my body higher on the bed, I nuzzle his neck with my nose. And then, after slightly licking my lips, I begin to kiss him under his chin, behind his ear, the thick veins of his neck…my tongue tasting the flavor of arousal.
“Um, Cathy…if you start kissing my neck like that, there is a 110% chance that I’m going to jump you like a f**king starved man and rip this pretty little thing you have on.” His fingers continue to tease me, rubbing me in small circles, pushing in through the fabric. My body is a bomb about to explode by the magic of his fingers.
“Good.”
I tease him with my tongue because I want to drive him mad with desire.
“Fuck.” Groaning, I feel his free hand wrap around mine as we work him, faster and rougher.
“Mhhmmm, I like this, Ben. I need you inside me right now.” My voice is husky with lust.
“Well…”
I let go of his embrace, push him to lie on his back and straddle him. Moving my panties to the side, I take him in my hand and lower myself until I’m fully seated on him and I feel him throbbing inside me.
“Damn...Cathy…”
Propelling myself on my knees, I begin to move in and out of him, his hands cup my ass and pull me closer to him. Our bodies this closely connected, I can feel him in my soul with every single thrust of his h*ps into mine.
I love it.
I tip my head back as I laugh and let the rhythm of our bodies set the pace of our lovemaking. On the verge of explosion, my body starting to tighten around his dick, Ben grabs fistfuls of my hair in his hands and pulls me down for a kiss. A fiery kiss that blazes through me, burning me from the inside out.
Ashes.
His kiss turns me into ashes.
When the kiss is over, he lets go of my face just enough to whisper against my mouth, “I love your dimples when you laugh.”
Dimples.
Dimples.
Fuck.
Arsen.
Sick to my stomach, I don’t think I can finish it, but Ben is so far gone that he doesn’t notice my sudden withdrawal.
“Shit, Cathy…”
Ben lets go of my hair to grip my h*ps as he picks up the pace, my ass slapping against his thighs faster and faster. Harder and harder.
“CATHY!” he shouts as he comes inside me.
I don’t.
I can’t.
I look down at him lying on the bed, feeling the warm liquid spreading inside me as he thrusts a few more times. And all I want to do is cry because he just tainted my memory of Arsen.
Dimples.
The words sound amiss on Ben’s lips. They don’t belong there.
With a flush covering the crests of his cheeks, Ben begins to sit up with me on his lap, still connected to one another. Wrapping me in his arms and grinning like a cute little boy on Christmas morning, he buries his nose in my neck and kisses me softly behind the ear.
“Damn, Cathy, how did I get so lucky?” He lifts his face, pecking me on the nose. “You’re so damn perfect.” His voice is hoarse with emotion.
Not bothering to answer him, I kiss him on the shoulder and untangle myself from his embrace. Once I’m standing, I remove the stretched panties and throw them in the garbage bin. Turning around, I take in all of my husband.
And for a moment...
A tiny fraction of time…
I wish I were staring at aqua blue eyes instead of brown.
After I’m done with my shower, Ben jumps in to get ready for work.
When I hear the water running, and an unsuspecting Ben humming a familiar melody, I sit on my bed as stray droplets of water wet my back, the edge of the towel, and my comforter. I grab my phone and make the biggest mistake of my life.
My hands are shaking, and I feel sick to my stomach because of nerves, but I do it anyway.
I text him.
C: I miss you.
Ben and I are driving home from work when I hear my phone ringing. I pick up without looking at the caller I.D.
“Is this Catherine?” an annoyed woman asks.
“Hi, yes. This is she. May I ask who’s calling?”
“My name is Sali. We don’t know each other, but I’m friends with Arsen. Listen, I don’t know what’s the deal between the two of you. I mean, it’s not like you’re famous or anything, but he’s been drinking for almost four days straight. My boyfriend, Alec, has kept him company for the duration of his freaking drinking binge, and I’m done. I want my boyfriend back. Besides I can’t stand watching Arsen drink himself to oblivion.”
Stunned by her words, I swallow hard before responding. “Okay. And what does this have to do with me?” Feeling Ben grab my hand, I turn to look at his profile in the darkness and watch him drive.
“Uh, everything or nothing. One never knows with Arsen. All I know is that he hasn’t shut up about you. He’s in really bad shape tonight and I was wondering if you could come here and talk some sense into him. Maybe get him to go home and sleep the alcohol off. He’s not well.”
I clutch my cellphone tighter in my hand. “Okay. I’m with my husband. So it’ll be the two of us. Tell me the address and we’ll be there.”